tired.

very tired.

went home after school immediately today cos i was just plain tired. just lost steam after geog class with E2. dont know why also. originally planned for grammar class for both english classes today with E1 and E2 but was just too tired to carry it out. luckily compre 5 was in, so we just gave out compre 5 to all five classes to prevent leakage. not that they're smart enough to ask around yet but we realised that tuesday is a good day to give out tests cos we all have el classes with the sec ones on tuesday. dint gave a damn to the classes complaints, cos they have to improve on their compre. sigh. but now i have 80 more compres to mark. oh great. i should get down to doing some marking soon. soon. i havent finished E2's first compre but i've already finished marking, going through and returning E1's compre. think E1 more guai than E2, but E2 more bubbly and responsive. if i'm tired like today, obviously i'd prefer E1 la. but when i'm totally in the mood, obviously E2 gets my votes.

the number of students who know me by sirname is horrifyingly scary. nodded to
almost every single student who greeted me when i was walking out to the busstop from school. was bantering with two girls who were talking about going home to study geo when i thought they were from my tech class. oops. "x i still cannot remember most faces. but then again, by the time i remember every single one of the faces, it would be time for me to go cos it would be end of term 2 by then. yeah. i would like to get to know them better. alot better. oh wells. actually my tech class is quite well behaved. and they listen, to my amazement. i originally thought social studies is just a mere extra subject to them since they dont get examined on social studies, they would create hell and havoc for me. but surprisingly no. the boys la, more noisy and boisterous but that's it. they do ask intelligent questions sometimes. and the girls. my goodness, damn sweet. one of them came up to me last week when i was on my way home and asked about me doing com serve at bukit ho swee, which i told them about it. she asked if the kids wanted any teddy bears since she had plenty of them at home and would like to give them away. i was soooooo touched. seriously so touched. i thought that bunch of girls usually dint listen, but apparently she did and was willing to step out and do a small part for the community. seriously. most of these kids in neighbourhood schools have much more heart and soul in them than the people i see in elite schools. so much more.

i always hear people say, no time to do com serve, dont wanna do com serve and the most commonly used phrase "scared next time no time to do com serve". it's not even a confirmed fact and reality that you dont have the time to do com serve and you're already "worried" about it. seriously la. it doesnt make sense to me. to all girls who are awaiting entry into university now, please don't tell me you dont have time to do com serve. the reason simply cannot stand. i know you got better things to do, than to do com serve, but seriously there are plenty of organisations out there who need volunteers. join them, help them. in whatever small way you can. it may be just once a month or sth, but it goes a long way in serving the community. and for those who spend time "worrying about no time to do com serve", how about i suggest you put the "worrying time" to better use by making the first step to do com serve. if anybody dont know how to go about starting, please look for me. the more the better, and singapore will be a warmer place to live in.

dont know why i got started about com serve, but just thought about it suddenly. maybe cos somebody gave me the same reason yesterday when i asked why she chose to try for med fac. she said "i wanna help people become better.. and i scared next time no time to do com serve.." well. you're helping people to get better, at the expense of their money. unless you're telling me you wanna become a volunteer doctor. which is not impossible but many dont explore the option of that. i do admit, everyone who tries for med and law always start off with nobel notions, like wanting to help people get better, or wanting to fight for the underdogs and things like that. and by the time we get out to the real world, it's only all about promotions, salaries and office politics. where did all our nobel notions went to? they all probably died when we first stepped out as greenhorns, and seeing all our "predessors" doing something which did not quite fit into our original ideas and images of being the "nobel" professionals. same like teachers. always start off wanting to help the students and stretch them to their fullest, instead i see teachers so hurriedly stressed out that they cant even find time to help their kids, so much so to touch and change their lives. maybe that's why most teachers are tired of the system and do want to get out. me being a relief teacher is already tiring enough, what more a proper teacher? maybe that's why i'm actually beginning to question my decision to try for NUS law. do i really want law? or what is it that i truly want? for now, i must admit, i'm at a lost. and mok is right. it's time to start thinking, truly, what i want in life. and to try and live the life i want. not that the decisions i make now will be correct and enable me to live it the way i want it. all decisions lead to different paths, and i just want to take a gamble, and make sure that i dont end up regretting what i chose at the end of the day.

suddenly sound so philosophical. hm. so unlike me. grin. maybe the 2.5hours nap i took just now got me thinking for no reason. reached home at 2.30pm and slept straight all the way to 5pm. that just proved how tired i was. yeah. and i have this nagging suspicion that my mum thinks that there's something wrong with me. vaguely felt her hand on my forehead when i was sleeping just now, and when i told her i had no appetite for anything, she was like "you want to eat some medication?" when i feel perfectly alright and there seems to be nothing wrong with me. but then again. i never know when i'm sick. like when i was in J2 and thought that i was alright, just a tad tired and still went for com serve after school. upon reaching home and going to the doc, to discover that i had a raging fever of 39.2degrees. jason teo said that was enough to kill. my doc gave me an injection to bring down my temp. and i do remember jason being amused about me not knowing that i had such a high fever. which is true. i can never tell when i'm having a fever or not. how do you guys tell anyway? heh.

been taking 157 to school every morning. brings back the memories of when i take the same exact bus to go to hwachong for the past two years. i see familar faces, those ex-j1s current j2s.. and the same old people who used to take the bus to go to various places last year. still recognise them. sigh. makes me feel old. to think i used to be one of them, sitting/sleeping on 157 and chugging my way to hwachong and back home. direct bus for 40mins. happily slept my way home and remember me being the spoilt one (as said by xinxin) cos i absolutely refused to take the nonaircon one to go home and would rather wait for the next one.

all the memories. sighhhh.

i dont wanna grow up.

whine.