we broke up.

im hurt. tired. upset. tormented. lonely.


for those who still dont know. we broke up. now you know.
it came too suddenly. it ended all too abruptly.
please dont come up and ask if im okay. i am not.
what i need is care and concern. from a particular somebody but he doesnt seem to care. anymore.


put the blame on his parents.
which parents would not allow his or her children to date in university for fear of failing university?
which parent would place a monetary value on education and relationship?
which parent would claim that nobody can balance studies, relationship, and friendships together?


his parents do.
and he's choosing to give up just like that. nothing more.
an abrupt end to a sweet relationship for the past 4 months.
for the past 4 months, i felt loved by a certain someone.
to be dropped like hotcakes the minute his parents commanded him to do so.
is it worth all the sadness and all the tears i've been shedding, silently?
the suggestion of going back to the past, shot down by him immediately.
he doesnt want the pressure anymore apparently.
then why initiate it in the first place?


a simple sorry doesnt solve matters.
neither does it make me feel better.
all i know is that i dont want things to turn out this way.
but you forced it on me, leaving me with no choice.
how much does that reflect on you?


by the way, im writing this when i am in a calm mood. if i had written this two hours ago, be rest assured that everything wont sound so polite and nice. i feel shitified. and lonely. in despair. now i finally understand why people say it's always harder to be single after getting attached and breaking up. you see the couples walking by you, in intimate conversations, you would miss being in a similar situation. miss knowing that there would be him to comfort you when you're down. miss knowing that you wont be alone anywhere. miss knowing that there would be him who's willing to go to the end of the world just to make you happy. miss the sweet phonecalls and msges. miss everything about being attached. miss his lame jokes. miss the so much similarities we had in common: cheesecakes, books, movies, burger king. everything. i'll miss him.


i hate this shitified life of mine right now.