ever since young, i always wanted to work in the media industry, as somebody behing the scenes.whoever went through the dreams of wanting to become an artiste? i did, honestly. but as i grew older, i knew i cant since i neither have the looks nor the voice nor the acting skills. and the real world caught up with me. i woke up with an abrupt startle.

still. my dreams of working in the media industry never died.
i wanted to be a DJ, a journalist, a news broadcaster. and i still want to be. the dream had never left me all along.remember how i was so hung up about being a chinese journalist when i was in sec sch? now, i just wanna be a journalist. a news broadcaster. a radio DJ. i want to share with people my passion for music, what i think and what i feel. has anybody been listening to class 95 recently? the trailers of the DJs talking about their own experience, they struck me deeply. i was listening to it when i was on my way home just now. or. i want to be involved in events. world wide events. local events. and i want the eyes of the entire nation on me. or reading my articles. knowing how i feel. what i observe and what i choose to tell my audience through my eyes. as a news broadcaster or journalist. i want to be in the shoes of the channel news asia morning broadcasters, bringing the latest news to the morning crowd, when they are on the public transport, or tuning into channel news asia as they sip their morning coffee and read their papers. i want a job like that, something exciting, something up to date, something unpredictable.

i had my small taste of being a writer when i was in sec school. when i used to write to friday weekly and let them show my articles. about how i felt about the world and the surroundings. about what i loved. and they never failed to print my articles on the newspaper, though small it maybe. i had a special name for myself. it was "xin ling" in friday weekly. there was this once, they showed my article about UFM 1003 in the paper. about what i loved about them and how good they were, in a way it was a way to pay credit to them. for being my fave radio station at that time. when i was listening in to the top 20 countdown on sunday morning on UFM 1003, one of the radio DJs, danny yeo, read my article out. i was soo excited that i glued myself to the radio, listening to his comments and boy, i was so pleased with myself. seriously. tried to dial into the station to tell them that i was the one who wrote in, but i couldnt get through. but really, the euphoria was fantastic. wonderful. i was on such a high for the entire day after that. wow.
i miss writing.

we can never predict the news any time. neither can we predict what kind of music the singers are going to come up with. neither can we predict when singapore is going to produce another local talent like stefanie sun. we never know. people may argue, we never know what might happen in the business world too. nobody could predict the dotcom failure. nobody could predict the eruption of news over the enron crash. they affect the people's lives too. BUT. i just have a preference over the media than the business.

instead i chose the well trod path and im on my way to becoming an accountant. something that i had never thought about all along until jc. never. it never crossed my mind, being an accountant. i dint even know what an accountant did for a living in the past. not until when i was in jc. but then i only knew they dealt with figures. but reality is painting another picture for me now.
somehow i have this feeling that i am not cut out for the business world.
somehow i feel that this is not what i really want.but. dont blame me for choosing this path.because i know i dont. i know that most people would actually take a safe route out of the studying world before stepping out into the real world. and my future plans are not cast in a die yet.

who would choose to pursue their own dreams now at university level? who would. who knows exactly what they want to do it life, and be sure they would follow it throughout the entire life before retiring to enjoy life? there may be some, but the majority? i dont think so. plenty of people keep telling me that a mass comns degree will get you nowhere. and i am inclined to agree. unless you excel in your arena at university level, or have a certain degree of looks [read joanna peh] and catch the eye of the broadcasting firms as an artiste. i thought i would be safer doing a professional degree first, before i really head out and pursue my passion. but then again, who knows by the time i graduate from school, i might want to work and earn a certain amount of income before i really pursue my interest again. i dont know. nobody can predict the future.
though sometimes i do wish that im doing something of interest to me now.
cos financial accounting is boring. dry like hell. hahaha.
and i still wanna have a go at being in the media industry. maybe i might go for the radio academy when i have the money [a one week course is $500, i checked it out. i dont mind shelling out the time since the courses are held at night, but i dont have the money! blearh.] maybe i might end up being a journalist in the money section for the straits times in future? who knows. heh. im just trying to look on the bright side of life. the sunny bright HOT side of life. grin.


dont worry, im just reflecting upon my choices.
choices that have been decided and done, but just thinking about them.
thinking of my choices is not a sin, neither is regretting my choices.
however, instead of channelling my regret into something negative, why not use it in the positive sense?i sound philosophical, dont i? i dont know. suddenly im thinking profound for tonight. :)