monday no-blues.

Ubin has been a great rejuvenation for me. the nature, the quiet-ness, the kampong feeling. it really feels different when you get back to mainland and immerse yourself in the hell of it all again. i guess, we all have this withdrawal symptoms when you come back from one particular place after an extreme change, or a long period of time. it was like that for me when i went china. i really didnt wanna come back, but i had to, ultimately. i couldnt have stayed there forever, could i? right now, the feeling is exactly the same, where i just wanna stay at ubin, converse in hokkien with the ah-mas and uncles there and indulge in the beautiful scenery in the mornings and evenings (which i caught abit while having discussion at the balcony). and the company was good too, getting to know more people, clicking nicely with the girls, especially diana (she reminds me abit of shuz)! :) and the trek up the small ubin hill, reminded me of how much i love trekking. ruoling, lets go walk from bukit timah to macritchie again before you fly! :| and i think i shocked some people by saying i would love to bungee jump off the quarry in ubin because jy and i were actually discussing the possibility of bungee-jumping off the quarry. i thought it was too short while jy thought it was high enough. and this ubin trip actually proved that girls cant cook while guys can, in this 21st century. i've already got a vague suspicion during ltb sessions where my fellow male TAs like ian and tim can cook, when ian made us brownies and cupcakes that was so yummilicious. but i thought they were the rare minority until this ubin trip, where ym yt ee yong and philip proved the girls wrong by being the main chefs for the entire training camp. us girls were just eye-powering the gas stove and main chefs while we tried to help out in some menial cutting and preparation of veg and ingredients. :( but then again, jy cant cook too, cuz he was eyepowering the cooking process too! hahahaha.

i think the nus students think that smu peeps are a weird bunch, all thanks to jy and his funny (cranky) ideas that strike him midway during discussions. him and philip being the evil duo who made ym kneel and roll over on the floor during one of the activities, it was just plain funny i think i could have died laughing. and and ee yang's "chemistry " only reminds me of the grilling session we had on friday night, where some of us discussed over beer and chips, what exactly chemistry was . how would you define chemistry? what is chemistry between a couple? you go think about it. im not gonna delve into it in this entry.
sometimes, i'd just wish that i was in nus and not in smu, because its just so plain easy to talk to the nus people instead of the general smu people. am glad for the shanghai isp people, because we are all atypical of the smu people. and this only reminds me of the close friends i have in sheares, people like ruoling [maybe i cant really count her since we've been close ever since jc!] and szeyi. I MISS SZEYIII! babes, if you're reading, did you call me last night?

in any case, i sorely felt the difference when i was talking to one particular smu girl from the nepal team while waiting with the yep girls to use the toilet. with the nus girls, you can just talk in a casual manner. but when i was talking to the smu girl, subconciously i changed my way of mannerism to that of a more professional one. i could feel it as i was conversing with her, even though we were merely talking about school stuff and each other's yep team. it just felt different. and i remember ee yang telling me that smu people are very different, they just stand out. like how me and jy seem to stand out amongst the many nus students during the training session, and no i dont mean stand out in terms of excelling. its the way we behave, the way we speak, the way we talk, its just damn different from the students from the other schools. which made me wonder, have i conformed to the smu culture, such that even though i dont feel it, others can see it in me?

someone from nus/ntu please tell me. i dont think i can hear it from close ones like ruoling cause she has known me since EONS. i dont know, anyone will do? not that i dont wanna be a full fledged smu student, but there are just some things about smu that i simply cant stand and i dont wanna be associated with those ugh things. even the nus people have heard about those ugh things when we were talking about school. and for the record, i aint mentioning those ugh things. those close to me will know what i am talking about exactly.

after this ubin training camp, i've learnt alot, and it is not just the training i've learnt from this short 3d2n. its the interaction with the ubin residents, a reminder to myself how much i love nature and trekking, and how much i want to be in touch with myself, instead of losing myself in the shit pile of work that i face when im back in reality. i cant stand it when i lose it, you know. thursday was just a very good example where everything accumulates to a peak, and i simply just burst. of course, on the outside i look fine and dandy, abit tired maybe, but still surviving. inside, i really just wanna curl up and hide myself away in a corner, and be alone. i think this is just a self protection mechanism, before i truly break down and cannot work. i usually dont stress out, even though i might wanna be alone. being alone just allows me to recollect my thoughts and move on with a brand new refreshed outlook on things.
so i guess, as much as i kaobei about the training session that took up my entire weekend, leaving me with less time to do work, it was a much needed respite amongst the many things i had to deal with for the remaining few weeks before internship starts and we fly for shanghai.

ah wells reality beckons after ubin, i guess.

today was a real dandy day! i got a shock of my life when my dearest year Ones told me that they were gonna tong in school last night. dang i would have loved to be with them, watching them go high over the rehearsals for the presentation they had this morning and play hide&seek with the security guards in school. :( but tis okay, because today's presentation went REALLY (to the power of infinity) well and i am duly impressed. i love my LTB year Ones (yes nasir inclusive, even though he is my primary school classmate as well)! its like, a proud mother watching their kids perform damn well in whatever they were doing? i really felt that way today as i watched the presentation unfold. and very frankly, i was really damn impressed. and the kids from GMSS, they are soo lovable, such that even prof loved them. at least he did say he liked faisal alot alot. hahaha. it was cool getting the kids down to school, letting them have a part in the presentation and making them feel important. :) that is like the ultimate importance of csp, changing their lives and leaving an indelible mark. their presentation today, coupled with the yep training i had, only reminds me even more how much i love community service. and when jianbo was telling me over msn that i've been arrowed to do publicity for yec even though i missed the meeting on sunday (mr seah even gave me a call to check if i was coming down, and jianbo forgot to tell mr seah i was in ubin -.- ), it felt gooood. i want to contribute, in all areas possible and i am doing my best to contribute, given all the time constraints i have. i guess, the focus will be put on local comn serve and yec next year after i come back from shanghai yep, unless i can somehow conjure up two free weeks in april/may for cambodia07 at bblc, which is highly unlike, given modified term. :( sadded. neh mind, i'll target shanghai07 :)

and after being so proud of my year Ones, we all trooped down (aka the team, me and the 4 gmss kids) to plaza sing where i treated all of them to ljs. it dang well burnt a hole in my pocket, but i really think they deserved it.
I HEARTS SMU TIMELINE! see, TA so nice hehe. where got TA publicly announce her love for her year Ones? GRIN.

left faisal, kok wei and kelv as they went to marina square to play pool, i headed home for a new haircut (which i desperately needed one, given the length of my fringe) and for the first time, eyebrow shaping. waited for more than an hour where i attempted to do some work on the couch at the salon and i got my near haircut! its not too much of a change from the old one, but there was changes to it, like it is very very layered now and yea i feel so much lighter! ^^ maybe that is therapeutic too hehe. and i like the eyebrow shaping too!

and now i've got to decide what should i do: yep slides for tmr's meeting, or read ethics, or do AA report. yep slides seem much important because i have yet to digest the service-learning part which i missed on friday morning. damnit. but rightfully, i should be reading up for ethics for tmr's class. but AA report is due like next monday and i should send it to siying asap. damnit la i need someone to prioritise for me. :(
i shall go do work and stop blogging. teehee.