a week has passed since the "traumatising" day, so as to speak. this whole week was like an emotional rollercoaster, to put it simply. to put it in a more complex way, i started to find out that im not what i think, and not what i used to be. i dont seem to be the "leader" i think, and not the confident self that i used to be back in RG. Maybe coming to hc was all a big mistake. And a mistake, might lead me into making more mistakes, some of which i might never know. Maybe coming to Hc was really a big mistake. Should have stayed at Rj and be a small nobody. but some things just happen to turn out like that. what to do?

I know this still sounds depressing but i still am. just not as bad as sunday morning. i know i can make it , but i have absolutely no idea where my damned "potential" went to ever since i stepped into hc. that's why i say i made a big mistake in coming hc. still struggling to cope with fm. cross my fingers and pray that i'll pass the fm blk test. sigh. going to sch nowadays is such a chore. having to put up a cheery face for all to see so that people wld not come mind my business. im not saying i dont like that little care and concern but i dont wanna spoil everybody's moods by going around with a glum face all the time. sch is tiring. maybe today was okay. for once i stopped thinking about my depression. for once. nearly blew it on thursday, and i had to escape from the concerned looks of my classmates. i knew if i dint hide away, their concern wld cause me to break down in sch and that's definitely something i dont want. so be it i guess.

i have no idea how to keep myself happy. any idea anybody?