rollercoaster ride.

wahhh i hate the medcamp organisers. i really do. fuck them all.
i sound damn bitchy do i? dont care. hmph.
yeah like what ruoling mentioned, it's hard to face the cold hard fucking facts all over again so i refuse (to the limit) to repeat the entire story and so. i hate you, you and you. everybody. idiots. assholes.
bitchified aint it? hmph.
 
was in such a wonderful mood today, teaching back in school and having lots of fun, you just had to screw it up for me. my entire week. well. screw you. whoever thinks im incapable of vulgarities, that's where you are wrong wrong wrong. pardon me. i rarely blow up at people with such extremity. but i just cant help it this time round.
 
cooled down lots le. with tons of help from my mum. who tried to cool me down with literally a cup of fresh cold milk. lame.  but i love you mummy. *muacks* i appreciate your 'jin yu liang yan' but i just wasnt in the mood to listen.  tired. tired from all the bawling i did. tired from all the tantrums i threw. tired from all the 'i dont wanna listen' i said to everybody. just so tired. so bloody tired. i just felt as though you dint really quite care. at all. but of course, as usual, im a stubborn girl. a damn insistent stubborn one i must admit, and that's the biggest fault i can find with myself so far. unless anybody would like to point out to me my worse fault? thankew jun for calling me just now. she helped to deflect my mood incidentally even when she doesnt know it. finally watching mean girls on wednesday. at west mall with her. whee. grin. missed going out with her. this one is gonna be a one-on-one date. grin. just cross my fingers and pray hard i dont run into any of my students on wednesday night. hm.
 
supposed to be typing out the compo test for my acad classes now but as usual, im more interested in blogging than that you see. obviously. ruoling, the reason why my blog has sooo much unread stuff to you, cos i blog like how much a day and you've been super busy? grin. anyway, havent seen you for more than a month le, missed you lots lei... and xinxin too, you back from sports camp le right? when you free to meet for a meal? you can come look for me in school. grin. i mean, hillgrove, not hwachong since you managed to figure your way to come visit me on chinese new year eve this year. grin. and kailyn!! im teaching parental guidance to (of all classes..) 4T2!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. help. well. i will go in and say, free period for you guys and try not to play with the guitar yong sheng. yea. anyway it's for only one period that's all. cos PG is on wednesday. so i only see them once. yeah.
 
was on my way to school today and whilst walking to school from the busstop. i realised the last time i walked the same path down on the very last day of school, i thought to myself thinking that that was gonna be my last time walking down that path back to school and surprisingly it turned out not to be. glad i was given the chance to come back and teach, be it only for one week and one day. yeah. better than nothing. and i realised i missed the school. the people the students the caretakers (like auntie benghuat auntie chan auntie may) and of course the staff room. somehow i just like the staff room alot. and i found myself explaining why i was back again. in fact some teachers thought originally that i was a grad or something. sheesh do i look overly mature? die. students today were acting quite cute. especially those from E4. when i was teaching in A2, chiayin and tiffany walked past and returned immediately cos i think they saw me, and they were staring through the window. eh hee. and the E2 malay boys chorused 'miss teo' into the classroom when i was still teaching in A2. erm. think A2 was a little irritated by them. i prefer A2 to A1 frankly. and dont ask me about my CME classes. i am so barely going to see them for maximum 2 periods a week? which is like once only so there you go. yeaps. cant wait to walk into E4 for CME. hee. and see the look of surprise. or will they be surprised? hem i wonder.
 
i realise this blog of mine is getting a little cold. lack of emotions i guess. plain treating it a way to update friends about my blog and i suppose this is not the way to upkeep a blog. very often, i feel like pouring my emotions in here but very often i stop myself. cos i wonder who on earth would be reading. and what would they think. how ironic. to think i dint used to care what other people thought and often ranted and bitched in my blog. now i am restricted by whoever is reading my blog. considering whether to move this blog. to somewhere not so inconspicuos. somewhere alienated. somewhere where i truly can be myself. i guess this entry is truly me. unlike the past previous ones for the past month. those robotic ones which seemingly looked mild and innocent. i dont know. if i move, i'll inform. i will. but not to the world wide web. find me, if you wish, but be warned that i might just offend you. unknowingly.
 
 
 

sometimes i understand. sometimes i just plain dont understand. how you would rather spend your time. you said we've been through all these before. i know. but somehow i cant help myself when im being stubborn. and irritated. and pissed. and everything. hence raking up the past. but that is just me. i told you i dont foresee myself changing in the near future. so you either accept or reject the entire package. ultimately it's your choice. to be or not to be. that's the question. do tell me your decision. before everything starts.