was reading my past entries, and stumbled upon one particular one. during the post break up period last year.

a friend once told me.

Women, who were once hurt, become aluminium with a layer of aluminium oxide. that protective layer, protects herself, and makes her seem hostile and unfriendly. we become ugly in that sense, cocooned in our protective layer, and not wanting to take the next [or another] step, or move.
it takes a foolish but brave guy, to fall in love with this woman. cuz he sees the real beauty hidden under this protective side of her..

so i wonder. are you that foolish guy?
i was determined, to protect myself and stop myself from being hurt. ever again. because the after effects were nightmarish and horrible.
yet, somehow, you managed to get past that protective layer. and i dont even know how you managed to do it.
but. is it better to be loved and hurt, or to not love at all?

what is love anyway.
no one seems to be able to answer that question.
i've asked that plenty of times. but i cant seem to find the answer.
the feelings are so different. in the past, and now.
so what is love really.
looking at what i've went through, what some of my friends had gone through, love can be a scary thing. with all the turmoils and troubles.
a nightmare that i do not wish to recur again.

convince me to be able to love again.
leave all emotional baggage behind and fly me to the moon.
im open to anything, so as long as you and i try.
but when the signals stop coming, i give up hope as well.

like your nick says, what is love really.




as for now, i shall try to do my analytical skills individual assignment.
amidst the pains shooting from the stomach.
doctor mummy, when can i take your medication again?
AS screws your mind, and causes you to think too much.
but then again, past experience and memories does that too.
so, past experience and memories = analytical skills?
valid but unsound argument.
pardon me but im self amusing myself. cuz im bored.