SOCIABLE&FRIENDLY ≠ close&deep?
today was post trip project day!
the bunch of us brought a group of elderly to kusu island and sentosa for a walkabout and it was plenty fun! saw people whom i havent seen for ages, like nicole laura, and the usual gang who went for dance just last sunday as well! the elderly were energetic and fun, they even walked faster than we could hahas! upon reaching kusu island, the elderly went to the temple to 拜拜, and nic mich and me did likewise :) prayed for family&friends. then we took the rocky boatride back where i talked all the way to this elderly and her dad! boy she was 70 and her dad was 90+, and they were still healthy and springy!
reminds me of her.
was back at sentosa for lunch, where i was seated with rod ada and yp, having the most enlightening conversation ever for this current period of time. it felt real good. then me and rod followed up on our conversation and he got me thinking. his impression of me was being very sociable and friendly to everyone in the team, and when i told him how i really feel towards everything that has happened, he seemed utterly shocked because it seemed to differ so much from the impression he had.
and it was real good to have such in depth conversation with rod, suddenly i just felt so much closer to him than most people in the team. it was just a sudden feeling, at that point in time, like i could talk to him about anything everything under the sun. and it really felt good, seriously.
i guess im the typical geminian you see, dual sided with a side so bubbly and friendly that you'd think im seriously friendly to every single being on this entire earth. yet there's another private quiet side to me that not many people seem to be able to detect. and i dont think many people know about this as well. not that it makes a difference if im announcing to the entire world here, because you may still not get to see it ultimately. because im usually away from people when i enter that side of mine. i distance when there's a need and you wont see it in me.
do i really give people the impression that im sociable and friendly?
and really, does being sociable and friendly equates to building close and deep relationships and friendships with that person? i guess, after our conversation, it dawned upon us that the answer is a negative one.
on the surface, you can be real friendly and have tons of fun with a bunch of people, but when it boils down to the crux, who are the ones whom you'd approach to talk things out, and make you think in a clearer light? on the surface fun is much sought after, but deep down inside, what are you really looking for? what really lies beneath that bubbly facade of mine, and what do i really want?
people think i want fun and enjoyment, entertainment to the max. but do i? i dont think so. too much fun for me is an overkill, even though im supposed to be at my prime of 21. too much of superficial talk about fun fun and more fun is overkill for me. in fact, too much superficial talk for me is already an overkill for me.
i guess what im looking for is peace, serenity and stability. small doses of fun is welcomed of course, but not constantly and all the time. dont people need time to chill out? that is what chilling out is for ya, sitting down with a drink in hand, taking in the sights and sounds around you, having a good serious/lighthearted catching up or conversation. that is what i really want. fun, i'd rather have it in a different way. you know, not the typical clubbing [in fact i've never been a clubbing person and will never want to be], outwardly spelt FUN kind. i seek a different kind of fun, fun that is just shared between you and me, memories that will be of significance to me. like, having a picnic in a quiet corner and watching fireworks would be considered a different kind of fun to me, instead of going for the annual countdown where you squeeze and shout with people crowded around you.
i guess, nowadays i seek to be away from crowds and people. i prefer to deal with people one on one, or one on twos, like the same consensus me and nicole came to while she waited with me for the bus today. i've mentioned right, she's one friend whom i can count on to talk about anything under the sun, be it serious or light hearted and im glad for that.
this is supposed to be a sign for growing old. or jadedness. whatever.
all i know is, i've always been like this ever since young, ever since i could think proper and for myself. i knew that at times i would seek to be alone and have time alone, just to chill listen to my songs and browse the libaries, have a meal outside alone while reading a book.. window shop to my own pace and not feel lonely. and i've never been a fan of crowds, which ends up having me shun the crowds and countdowns. i'd rather be with one or two friends, away from the crowds, and chatting till the silence is like a comfortable pause between the two of us, instead of a stagnant one.
i still remember mayday last year, when ruoling&i went to catch budak in action at the mayday concert@ the esplanade. after they finished singing, we left the crowds and went to my favourite spot in singapore, the esplanade bridge. we sat there, yakked till the cows came home and watched fireworks from that very favourite spot of mine. these are the times which i extremely treasure, times where i consider it meaningful and fun and serene.
whats the point of having fun when its not meaningful? will it have a deep impression in your memories and leave an imprint such that you will remember it for life?
thats why i think, i mature too fast for my age. i skipped the entire chunk of meaningless fun and went straight to adulthood without passing the majority age of 21. i cant stand the mentality of my fellow year mates sometimes, but i dont show it. why spoil their fun by being a potential wetblanket?
im not saying meaningless fun is no good. its good when you enjoy it, but i dont, you see. i have meaningless fun when i go k songs with friends, but that doesnt bring back memories do it? the only k session that brings back fond memories is the last night we spent in shanghai, going totally high mad and wild during the k session. was it meaningful? yes it was because it was our last night together and we were treasuring the time together spent on the last night. was it serene? not particularly but i guess some people will find k-ing songs not an extremely fun activity. but it was fun to me at least.
i think i think too much for my age. i analyse too much. i have dual personality.
i think im too old and jaded even though im only 21.
i think i think therefore i am.
do i? am i?
the bunch of us brought a group of elderly to kusu island and sentosa for a walkabout and it was plenty fun! saw people whom i havent seen for ages, like nicole laura, and the usual gang who went for dance just last sunday as well! the elderly were energetic and fun, they even walked faster than we could hahas! upon reaching kusu island, the elderly went to the temple to 拜拜, and nic mich and me did likewise :) prayed for family&friends. then we took the rocky boatride back where i talked all the way to this elderly and her dad! boy she was 70 and her dad was 90+, and they were still healthy and springy!
reminds me of her.
was back at sentosa for lunch, where i was seated with rod ada and yp, having the most enlightening conversation ever for this current period of time. it felt real good. then me and rod followed up on our conversation and he got me thinking. his impression of me was being very sociable and friendly to everyone in the team, and when i told him how i really feel towards everything that has happened, he seemed utterly shocked because it seemed to differ so much from the impression he had.
and it was real good to have such in depth conversation with rod, suddenly i just felt so much closer to him than most people in the team. it was just a sudden feeling, at that point in time, like i could talk to him about anything everything under the sun. and it really felt good, seriously.
i guess im the typical geminian you see, dual sided with a side so bubbly and friendly that you'd think im seriously friendly to every single being on this entire earth. yet there's another private quiet side to me that not many people seem to be able to detect. and i dont think many people know about this as well. not that it makes a difference if im announcing to the entire world here, because you may still not get to see it ultimately. because im usually away from people when i enter that side of mine. i distance when there's a need and you wont see it in me.
do i really give people the impression that im sociable and friendly?
and really, does being sociable and friendly equates to building close and deep relationships and friendships with that person? i guess, after our conversation, it dawned upon us that the answer is a negative one.
on the surface, you can be real friendly and have tons of fun with a bunch of people, but when it boils down to the crux, who are the ones whom you'd approach to talk things out, and make you think in a clearer light? on the surface fun is much sought after, but deep down inside, what are you really looking for? what really lies beneath that bubbly facade of mine, and what do i really want?
people think i want fun and enjoyment, entertainment to the max. but do i? i dont think so. too much fun for me is an overkill, even though im supposed to be at my prime of 21. too much of superficial talk about fun fun and more fun is overkill for me. in fact, too much superficial talk for me is already an overkill for me.
i guess what im looking for is peace, serenity and stability. small doses of fun is welcomed of course, but not constantly and all the time. dont people need time to chill out? that is what chilling out is for ya, sitting down with a drink in hand, taking in the sights and sounds around you, having a good serious/lighthearted catching up or conversation. that is what i really want. fun, i'd rather have it in a different way. you know, not the typical clubbing [in fact i've never been a clubbing person and will never want to be], outwardly spelt FUN kind. i seek a different kind of fun, fun that is just shared between you and me, memories that will be of significance to me. like, having a picnic in a quiet corner and watching fireworks would be considered a different kind of fun to me, instead of going for the annual countdown where you squeeze and shout with people crowded around you.
i guess, nowadays i seek to be away from crowds and people. i prefer to deal with people one on one, or one on twos, like the same consensus me and nicole came to while she waited with me for the bus today. i've mentioned right, she's one friend whom i can count on to talk about anything under the sun, be it serious or light hearted and im glad for that.
this is supposed to be a sign for growing old. or jadedness. whatever.
all i know is, i've always been like this ever since young, ever since i could think proper and for myself. i knew that at times i would seek to be alone and have time alone, just to chill listen to my songs and browse the libaries, have a meal outside alone while reading a book.. window shop to my own pace and not feel lonely. and i've never been a fan of crowds, which ends up having me shun the crowds and countdowns. i'd rather be with one or two friends, away from the crowds, and chatting till the silence is like a comfortable pause between the two of us, instead of a stagnant one.
i still remember mayday last year, when ruoling&i went to catch budak in action at the mayday concert@ the esplanade. after they finished singing, we left the crowds and went to my favourite spot in singapore, the esplanade bridge. we sat there, yakked till the cows came home and watched fireworks from that very favourite spot of mine. these are the times which i extremely treasure, times where i consider it meaningful and fun and serene.
whats the point of having fun when its not meaningful? will it have a deep impression in your memories and leave an imprint such that you will remember it for life?
thats why i think, i mature too fast for my age. i skipped the entire chunk of meaningless fun and went straight to adulthood without passing the majority age of 21. i cant stand the mentality of my fellow year mates sometimes, but i dont show it. why spoil their fun by being a potential wetblanket?
im not saying meaningless fun is no good. its good when you enjoy it, but i dont, you see. i have meaningless fun when i go k songs with friends, but that doesnt bring back memories do it? the only k session that brings back fond memories is the last night we spent in shanghai, going totally high mad and wild during the k session. was it meaningful? yes it was because it was our last night together and we were treasuring the time together spent on the last night. was it serene? not particularly but i guess some people will find k-ing songs not an extremely fun activity. but it was fun to me at least.
i think i think too much for my age. i analyse too much. i have dual personality.
i think im too old and jaded even though im only 21.
i think i think therefore i am.
do i? am i?
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