have not blogged for an extremely long period of time. one reason was mainly it being the Alevels and the other was because i finally signed up for broadband and my 56k connection was cut since the last day of Alevels as i signed up at the sitex fair and cut my net connection. how dumb of me.

anyway, im sitting at the internet kiosk of the sentosa ntuc resorts and im feeling downright xian diao. damn xian. something is missing and i just feel .. not right? dunno if that was the correct word to use but anyway. i decided to isolate myself from the noise the tv and the people but people came down to join me one after another. dunno whether was it done on purpose or they really wanted to come down and enjoy the nice cool breeze at 2am in the morning. i dont feel tird at all. just feeling down. not miserable, but just a phase of time when i'd rather be alone and read or write nonsense in my diary. i dont mind strangers walking around me, but i feel downright uncomfortable with my classmates around. sometimes i feel out of the whole class, sometimes i feel with the class. sounds like im babbling but i totally understand what im telling myself. afterall this blog is meant fr me to vent my entire emotions anyway i like it to be so i dont hafta give a damn to who's reading this. walao, i dont even know who's reading. nobody identifies themselves, and they just read silently and go. maybe not a single soul is reading. but i know that's impossible. mei yuan and ruoling are reading. i know that bcos they identify themselves. can whoever is reading, please please identify youself. argh. i feel helpless. lost. sheesh.

schedule has been packed to the brim ever since thursday and im getting quite tired of it all. i long for a day when i can slack at home, play computer , read a book, listen to music and watch tv. sounds simple huh, but given the obligations i've made i dont seem to be able to find time at all TO MYSELF. is anybody out there as weird as me, wanting time to be alone and to clear my thoughts,? maybe im a loner to begin with. this is very weird. back in sec sch i used to drop back and take the next 187 so that i can be alone if i see someone i know and dont wanna create conversation. that's the extreme i'd go to, isnt that weird? sometimes i yearn for the company for many people, but sometimes i just wanna be alone. and tonight is one of the days i just wanna be alone. think this feeling of mine came seriously at the wrong time. haii. what to do? seriously im dreading tmr's amazing race. i have no idea how it would turn out and i really hope everything would turn out fine. sheesh. or else i'd just blame myself for wasting everybody's time. haii. i feel like going home. to rest and to slack. not that i dont like going out but i feel like going out alone. had a great time shopping alone at junction8 while waiting for time to pass before going to meet ramnik and sijia yesterday for lunch. sheesh. and i spent 20 min outside pohkim watching westside story. but seriously, i like the stunts done by 5566, it's really damn cool. heh.

this post is going to be damn long. but i like the feeling, of sitting here and typing typing typing away into the night, tho i pity dewen beside me who's currently doing maths right now from the internet. oops. but i told him to go back first if he wants to, i can survive alone, cos the security guard is just behind me, tho i think my physical fitness level might be better than his (get the idea of what kind of security guard they have?). heh. i need to get my mind off alot of things. things that i have a nagging feeling about but have been trying to escape them for ages. now that i've got all the time in the world, i should solve them. i seem to be typing nonsense now but i like it. haha. entertaining huh? it's more like crap here. in a way i wish time would stop. i dont wanna grow up so soon and become an . i wanna be