do i really portray a very "english" outlook to other people?

just yesterday, i was asking yanlian if she could recommend any nice english oldies for me to download, since she was downloading them for her papa. and her reply was surprising. to me at least. she said, "i though you very 'english' one, so you should know the nice nice english oldies right?" and i was stunned for a second. no doubt i listen to perfect 10 and ufm1003 (which is a chinese station for those who dont know), it would only show that i balance both english and chinese songs, in which way do i suggest, from my personality and all, that i'm very 'english'?

i grew up in a chinese chinese family. listens to love 972 on the family radio, most of the time my tv is tuned permanently to channel 8, or channel U, with an occasional CNA (which is very rare unless im watching the news on my own). in fact i watch the 6.30 chinese news everyday. when i was young, i always dreamed of being a chinese news broadcaster, being able to inform and interest the audience of the current affairs. in chinese. to think when i was young, my favourite radio station was 958. im serious. really serious.

so i guess it was kind of a culture shock when i first stepped into rg. everybody there (at least in my class) was talking about hollywood and english pop music when i grew up watching hk serials, listening to chinese oldies and chinese music, with idols like xiao hu dui, email chou, daniel chan, cao meng etc. at least such things accompanied me to grow up, especially during the period of 8-10 when external factors were most influential. i guess. so it was quite a stark transition for me at least. i felt outright uncomfortable and felt like an outcast at times. and i refused to be influenced and changed in sec one. but as time passed, i realise i had to fit in with the surroundings, and environment. i really dint want to stand out right amongst the rest and i wanted to go with the flow. besides, my english standard was really lousy. so i changed. for the better i hope.

to my surprise, english music was nice. so were the english radio stations. and i guess i did myself a favour ultimately. no matter was it in terms of academic results and socialising with other people, everything just improved tremendously. in the past, my sis was the 'english' one and i was the 'cheena' one. now it seems as though it's the other way round. tried to persuade her to revert back to perfect 10, she gave me the exact same rebuttals i gave myself in the past. how ironic yeah?

but ultimately i guess a balance is required. and i like the balance. to be in touch and in sync with both chinese and english. im proud to say and claim that i 'excel' in both chinese and english. chinese because of my family background and english because of myself. i dont wanna lose touch with both i know. maybe because i like to think myself as a linguist. whether is it ultimately true, i dont know.

but i guess, i like myself now and this way. i love myself.