saturday.

saturday noon. and im in front of the computer. sian of course, after staring at the econs text for the whole moring. after looking forward to the weekend, i realise i have nothing to do during the weekend. except for maybe tmr's badminton cum cards session with fishball, wenyu and gab at JE sports complex. it should be fun :) and i finally get to play cards again. after a loooong while.



met and talked to him for a while yesterday outside LT 29. life for him is still as terrible, with his mum harping on the entire issue. feeling a tad guilty about him being deprived of his handphone, net connection at home, POSB card la-di-dah. wenhui mentioned something to the extent of it wasnt my fault. but i cant help but feel guilty. oh wells. but yesterday did seem like the proper closure to the entire thing. i mean, i still miss him from time to time, about the times we've once shared, and the things we'd once done together, watching movies, eating [and nonstop for that matter], walking around simlim looking at computer gadgets, hanging out at borders and the library [that would be one i'll miss terribly. who would go to the library and bookshops with me? who would be another book crazed idiot like me?]. simply things like walking around orch, shopping for my crumpler bag etc. plenty of memories that can only be stored in my memory. oh wells. let go and move on as friends. but i do wonder, if his mum would come running after me with a chopper even if we still remain as friends. ponders.



nothing to look forward to next week. wondering if its worth a visit back to hwachong and rgs on the eve of teachers day. i wonder. but i end school at 130 on tuesday. i wonder what time wanyu joycet and yuyuan end school. junhui and joycez should be free. wonder if xinxin ruoling venus eileen sijia elsa yanlian coming back to hwachong. i wonder. i need company but i should be seeking company in smu and not nus or ntu. i know and i have mentioned before that i cannot be running to nus or ntu on a weekly or fortnightly basis. everybody leads their own life now and i should too. mentioned to some people that it seems hard to forge friendships in smu like in hwachong or rg. everything seems so -superficial- and fake. sometimes i wonder if i had made the right choice in coming here. not that i have a passion for accounting. seriously. not that i have a passion in reading the money section of the straits times [which is what prof gan encourages people to do]. in fact i still keep that section nowadays. i came here because i thought i would love the environment here. i thought i would. i really thought i would. but now when i look at where i am, do i really? do i feel entirely comfortable in this environment? sadly, the answer is that i dont. i dont feel comfortable, i dont really like where i am. but i cant do anything about it. really, i cant. nowadays i drift around, feeling lost and lonely. nothing to occupy my time. nobody close enough for me to whine to, to consult in. sometimes, i really miss his company in times of despair. do i really have to live through this for the next four years? alone and drifting? i dont know. *shrugs* and sometimes, i cant be bothered to do anything to improve the situation. you see, im a passive person. or rather, i have never been proactive. ever since this year. since being proactive for the past 6 years in sec sch and jc has caused plenty of upsetness, why bother to be proactive? might as well stay passive and let things come my way.

oh wells. its kinda apparent that i dont feel too fine today. but you know something? somehow i dont quite give a damn.