think i have a thing for orange layouts nowadays. changed it twice in two days. short layout life span. but who cares? grin.

today's rollercoaster was much wilder than yesterday's. much wilder. it went to extremes that i'm almost at a loss for words. haha. but from the tone of my words, i sound happy. because i am happy. everything that seemed to be headed for the worse made a big U-turn and came out fine in the end. how can i not be happy? lalala.

early in the morning, the principal came to speak to me. she went straight to the point and told me that it is very likely that she would take the ugt in place for me. something in me just broke. i dint show it to her. but my tone in my voice gave me away. upset. disappointed. it felt worse than yesterday. hearing the confirmation coming from her mouth. after she walked away, mr alfred came to ask for keys. he tried making conversation but i couldnt talk. as in. once i started talking, i would have started tearing. so i just kept mum and gave him the keys. he did give me a very weird look.

went to the toilet after that to cry my hearts out. i guess it was just plain disappointment. imagine. for the past 1 month, every teacher had been asking when am i going to go up to the staff room. they seemed excited. especially teachers like ms noryanti, ms chew, ms ang (both of them), mrs loh, mrs bok, ms ng.. nice to talk to nice to be around with. and i started preparations for my work since two weeks ago. isnt it hard on me when you tell me today that you will prolly take the other teacher instead of me? isnt it? fine. i may be trying to find reasons for myself. but at least that is how i feel.

then i cooled down. dint think about it anymore. nothing happened. i dint feel anything at all. until i saw the ugt walk into the office for the interview. mrs wong interviewed her. ms margaret teo asked me for the school chop to chop the books that she was going to give her. then. then she asked me. "what's going to happen to you?" i replied her plainly. "lose my job. what else?" it's true. the budget did not include two temp clerks working at the front counter. it only had budget for one. so happened there were two initially cos june was on MC. now that she's back, the school doesnt need two anymore. i dont wanna let julie get fired after working for just one month which isnt fair to her just so that i get to keep my job if i dont get to relief teach. logically speaking, that left me with no space in the school itself. which equates to me losing my job. maybe that explains the extreme upsetness i was going through. me getting fired. how interesting.

when i saw mrs wong after SMC meeting at around noon, she told me that they will negogiate with MOE to take me in. by then i dint really believe her anymore. all hopes were almost gone. and when mr chua and ms ang were talking to me at the counter about the "fun times" we'll go thru for remedials and exams and students, i told them that i most prolly couldnt join them up there, they looked pretty shocked i must say. or at least mr chua knew. but not ms ang. and so they spent the next 5 minutes convincing me that i'll be there with them and even invited me for lunch. nah. auntie beng huat packed my lunch for me liaoz.

called him during lunch. talked for a while and complained about what the school was putting me through. he pretty much consoled me and seriously, it was nice hearing his voice. hee. ate my lunch in the EAS room and had a short nap before the alarm in my hp woke me up. dragged myself back to the office. blearh. at around 3.40pm. the principal called. talked to me. and told me that they are still going to take me in. i was like "huh?" and it did took me a while to register. say 15 seconds? and she asked for mrs loo after that. mrs loo came out grinning from ear to ear. i thanked her, and she said, "you have a staunch and strong supporter. thank mrs wong. not me." and she went away laughing. overheard her telling molly that mrs wong went into the p's office ard noon, blasted the p for 15 minutes and came out black faced. heh. wondered what mrs wong did to the p. but im sure glad that mrs wong is placing such confidence in me. i really must work up to her expectations and not let her down. seriously, i owe that much to her. will write her a short note to her thanking her later.

thank you.

thank you to the people who placed much confidence in me. people who gave me encouragement over this torturous period. people like mrs wong, mrs loo, ms teo, logan, ms ang, kailyn, lixin, sam, roo for that short note. grin.

left the office at 430pm under the commands of june who shipped us few to europa country club to have dinner. her treat. and they talked about everything that happens in school. me and julie kept relatively quiet cos we havent been there for long. but apparently, the rosy picture that i thought i saw does not seem to be the case. alot of back stabbing and cliques of HODs in the office downstairs. very bad case of cold war, which dint actually seem that obvious to me. and honestly, june and molly are tired of the civil service. dead tired. from what they said, it's pretty obvious. really made me wonder if i really want to go into civil service. learnt alot from them today. and june aint that bad as what she seems. aiyoh. another case of judging a person by what others say before knowing the person. when on earth am i going to learn? argh.

and then he msged, saying that he gets to book out tonight. which means i still get to see him for dinner tmr. grin. happy little lark. haha. to think we were worrying about him not being able to book out for the weekend.

so ultimately everything turned out for the best.

but what if something happens next week? dont care. dont think about it first.
but knowing myself. i will think. especially after all i've been through.

haiyah what the heck. grin. i'm busy for the weekend. last day in office tmr. comn serve in the afternoon. meeting him for dinner. sunday morning jap class. meeting kailyn for lunch and going clothes shopping. i wanna buy clothes... whee. maybe a skirt. or sth like that. i realise i have too many pants. but i like wearing pants. more convenient. hmm. and i realise i dont bother putting on makeup. unlike girls of similar age. today one came in for home ec relief teaching interview. i thought she was in her thirties. she passed me her form and to my horror, she was born in my year. the year of 85. my goodness. i examined her and realised she piled makeup on herself. so thick. yueaks. but everybody seems to be wearing makeup. but i dont like the idea of dolling up. i just wanna feel comfortable. heh.