tired.

sorry. sorry if i seemed a little off today during class outing. simply just very very tired.  i mean, been out since this morning, caught in the rain and yea, just felt a little off. yeah. up since 630am and yeah, it has been a long day already so there you go.
 
woke up at 630am by my human alarm clock and yea, im getting a little used to my human alarm clock. dont pamper me soo much, just in case i become too dependent on this human alarm clock. but i fell back asleep after we hung up, resulting in me only waking up at 8. erm. i know that wasnt the point but i couldnt help going back to lie on my bed and hence only waking up at 8. and the weather was soo bloody nice to sleep in. of course after that there was a madd rush to get myself dressed and hurried to school cos i wanted to drop by booklink to get my text and it was bloody hell raining.. *groan* in the end i got a lift from yuan's dad while i waited at the nj busstop. no way was i gonna walk up that slope right up to smu campus. whine. what will happen next time when i start school? *prays hard that the weather likes me* yeaps. had fun at the meeting while we crapped and made plans for the new changes to the 29th. i still go for comn serve on the 27th but joyce and yuan aint. oh sigh. will miss their presence. im like not that wonderfully close to the games comn people but nonetheless not a social outcast so im pretty much alright la i suppose. went down to cine with joyce and yuan for lunch and we had a fun time walking around deciding on the icecream we wanted to eat. hee. trust yuan to end up eating her $1 icecream. wahaha. then they went off leaving me at the lib reading when he called. hee. so coincidental. so talked to him all the way until 5 plus when i started to make my way down to orch control station to meet the rest. as usual, people were late. i mean ruoling and zhangqing were on time but the rest were more or less late. by that time i was pretty much dead tired le la. then everybody drooped in in bits and pieces.
honestly i felt a little awkward around them. maybe its the nus thing. like everybody was going nus and they had common topics whereas i simply seemed like an outsider. they were catching up on plenty of things that was happening within school whereas i just listened. about camps (which i havent been to any) and yeah funny things which happened to them during the camps. i felt as though i had to come up with something in order to join in the conversation and it just simply felt. weird. wrong. negative feelings in conclusion. it dint quite help that i was feeling tired already. but still. it was only after we separated and me and xinxin were alone getting her flowers, did i feel that i finally got some normal proper conversation happening. the whole atmosphere at crystal jade just dint seem right to me. and yeah. oh wells. maybe everybody has moved on and i havent. wait for my camps to come and fun to begin (i hope.). sometimes i'd wish i went NUS instead, irregardless of whatever course im doing so that i can be with my friends, but i know and i made a promise to myself that i will not follow my friends to wherever they go to. it's gonna be my future and my own life, i cant simply make decisions based on them and them alone if it's gonna cost my career. as in, i know i cant imagine myself doing engin so yeah, why torture myself?
 
oh wells. sigh.