mmm.

took me a while to figure why most of my mates aint online tonight. they are either at geekout at zouk, or out at padang, watching the zpop concert. was supposed to be at zpop with junhui and wanyu but i begged off it. i suppose i felt that after 3 whole days of playing ever since wed, i better get down to some proper mugging and im glad i did. finished off my stats assignment with a vegeance [it pissed me off yesterday when i couldnt load data analysis plus into my PC] by installing the cd into my laptop and doing my work from there, transferring it into my PC using my thumbdrive and printing it out from there. been mugging econs for the entire day. damn sian of it le. it may seem common sense but after reading four whole freaking chapters in the morning and afternoon, i'm bogged down with too many new terms that i cannot remember. and somehow in the midst of everything i managed to finish two novels. dammit, i feel proud of myself. wahaha.


but i gotta admit that i was kinda moody the entire day. as in. i cant deny the fact that i was thinking about him today. missing the times we once spent together. the times when we went a-walking down the nice scenic places. the times when we went to eat good food. the times we caught movies together. the times we spent quality time talking about everything under the sun. the times when we were at the library and borders [face it teo wei na. where can i find another book crazed idiot like me, only a guy version.] reading and sourcing out books, for me to borrow and for him to buy. the times we spent on the phone talking about nothing and everything. oh wells. missing everything.
but i have moved on. slowly. it doesnt ache anymore when i think back on such memories. only sweet memories float pass in my mind and today happened to be one of the days. somehow i figured its better to let go. and let love come to me. whenever wherever. wenhui said yest that i would have to do my homework to 'hint' to people to court me. ooh paiseh but im the passive sort. you want, you come. if not, forget it. im not the type to flirt or drop hints like mad. maybe cos i dont wanna embarrass myself by sending out the wrong signals. i've always been like this. if nobody comes along, then i'll just remain a bachelorette [what a nice name used in reality shows nowadays] for my life. thats me for you.


blogger ate up my post this afternoon. which is a blessing in disguise because that post was a moody one. i wasnt in the best of moods this afternoon. in fact i realised im always a little grouchy in the afternoons. especially weekend afternoons if im at home. maybe the loneliness is getting to me. hum. oh wells. looking forward to tmr's noon badminton session with fishball [my favourite fishball of all time, just that this one is inedible and very bouncy and smart. acks] wenyu gab. im supposed to bring my own racket whilst fishball bring for wenyu. *jealous* wahaha. but who am i to complain? grin. i hope tmr can play cards too, since there's four of us. wonder if this is the first time gab is seeing wenyu. mmm. anyway. my mum thinks this is a good activity and we should make it a permanent fixture. which i dont mind, meaning i'll get to see two of my buddies [i.e. fishball and gab. i dont exactly know wenyu la yea? and fishball calls him hoho. wahaha.] on a constant basis. isnt that nice? i think so too. aside from our comn serve dates when we see each other, we can catch up more often. whee. lalala. considering i need the company too. oh wells.

did i mention i dont really feel entirely comfortable in smu right now? initially i chose smu for the environment and now im not sure if i made the right choice. i know im somebody who needs someone to cling onto, a close friend. but sadly i dont seem to find anybody whom i can click with so far. acquaintances and casual friends are far and many, but close friends? so far none. i dont know. *shrugs* i feel left out and lonely. given my past week emotions, maybe i might feel a tad worse. but still. oh wells. somehow i just dont feel as though i fit in. in fact i feel like a loner. hmm. or maybe i am a loner already. hmm. ponders. ponder ponder ponder. im not the only one who feels this way. im sure there are others who feel the same way too. some in my LTB group. yuan [right?]. joycez i not sure, cos that girl may be too carried away looking at shuai-ges all around her, hence enjoying herself. but from her blog it sure doesnt sound like it. oh wells. since we are here we just gotta make the best out of things. and network. network network network. goodness i sound as though im trying to convince myself.
somebody helppp me. whine.