today is the last day of 2003 and i'm staying at home. not that i'm complaining tho, cos i dont mind the feeling of staying at home to relax and enjoy the passing from 2003 to 2004. to be out there with the crowds is happening and fun, but to be at home with the family can be heart warming as well. who knows when we might get to spend new year with the family as we grow older? sooner or later, we start to hang around with friends more than family members, and then we become old enough to start a family. by that time, new year would most probably be spent with your kids and hubby/wife. when can we spend it together again with our parents?

hm. realised i've grown to understand my parents alot more these holidays. especially with the issue of neopets. tho it is just neopets, looking at how my parents get all excited and hyped up playing neopets is really a very nice scene to watch. like take my father, he works shifts for PSA and slogs like heell for them, only to get pay cuts and reduced bonus. but he still insists on getting good new year clothes for us like levis jeans. i could still remember, i was eyeing the levis leather wallet at bugis OG and he asked me to ask the person how much was it. even as it cost a filthy $44 bucks after discount, he still wanted to get it for me but i quickly told him not to buy it cos it was just another luxury item. and he still wanted the best for me. and my mum, being a housewife, is cooped up at home all day. for now, i'm already complaining of nothing to do when i stay at home and slack around. to think she is doing that for 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. she does step out to the market to buy groceries and an occasional shopping trip, she rarely steps out to enjoy herself. and she's not complaining. she could have chose to live her own life, get a job out there and not take care of the family 24/7 but she chose to do so. i wont be in RGS, HCJC if she dint do all that for me. i guess i really owe her alot, which cannot be repaid in monies. so the least i can do for my two loved ones, is to stay at home today and be with them, at the change of the year. there are plenty of days to go out and havoc and club, but today would be a special day to be with my parents. i dont tell them in face, but mommy and daddy, i love you. *muacks*

starting to like my little sister more and more. she's beginning to think more maturely and act more like an adult. though she still gets a tad irritaing sometimes, she doesnt try to pick an argument with me as much. maybe as everybody grows older, we start to think for others and understand each other. i sure hope her attitude continues to grow nicer, and girl if i earn enough monies once i start working, i'll treat you to your long awaited nydc yeah? your big sis loves ya too. who ever said big sisters are all evil? *grin* *big hint hint to ruoling and xinxin*

i seem to be thinking about alot of things tonight. actually, maybe over the past week, ever since monday. but i've been a lazy pig and havent gotten down to blogging for the past few days. maybe not in the mood to type nor in the mood to put my thoughts down in a fluent manner. maybe tonight's the night since it is the last day of the year and i just wanna round up my feelings for the year.

i spose many things have happened this year that made me look clearer in life and see for myself what i want exactly, who's really closest to me and are around when i need them and the precious lessons i've learnt over the year.

i still remember last night (or was two nights before..) when i was complaining to mok about cant finding a job. maybe i had too much bottled up within me and i never did tell anybody, but when he asked, i just felt i had to pour things out. and he made me feel better. tons better. made me see the real world was coming, right out there for me to explore and learn precious lessons out there. i used to think and was confident that i can survive in the real world better than some others because i'm a more interperson person (i.e. i can interact better with people and doing what i like boosts my confidence even more) but now im not sure. maybe i might outshine others in that particular area, but i know for sure my weakest point is my belief in people. once i like some people, i'll forever be loyal to them. stay by them, be with them when they're in trouble. but mok pointed out that your bestest friend can turn around and stab you in the back. then i started thinking, what if i ever come across such situations. i'll feel so (to infinity) down, depressed and demoralised such that i'll make a big fuss out of it. what will happen to me then? i really dont know. what happens, when i'm down and out, and is in need of help (no matter morally or financially or emotionally), will people whom i thought were friends come to my side and give me a helping hand? welcome to the real world dude. i really gotta prepare myself for the worst that might come along. at the most i'll just gotta stay in my own tiny world. but somehow i refuse to believe that the friends i have now are not going to help me in future. will you guys be there for me? i guess this is a tough question to ask. anything might happen in future and change the current status of friendship. but i wanna tell kor, thanks for giving me encouragement and utmost support and believing in my capabilities all thhis while. i'll prove you right and give you a treat when i get my first salary. whee. and you promise to entertain me if im bored at your commisioning ball yeah? *grin*

when i was on the bus home from town on monday, i was thinking about the issue of friends. just met up with yuan before that and saw junhui before i went home. like what i blogged earlier, i think i'm most "myself" when i'm with ruoling xinxin venus, and maybe sijia. as for the rest, it would be a mixture of both characters i guess. i can be real quiet (i.e. when im with junhui) or real chatty and talkative (esp around strangers). it really depends on who im with, i guess. when i was about to meet up with yuan that day, i suddenly got abit nervous, like not sure what we could talk about, or whether we would enjoy our time, or if yuan would find it troublesome just to meet me since eileen wasnt going with us. but it turned out pretty well, from my point of view. i dont really know what she thought about the meet up and all i can say is that i really enjoyed that day with her and i sure hope she felt the same way too. after all, i still treasure her as my friend and tho we spent a mere three months together, i still see her as a friend to catch up with. maybe the thing that bugged me was that she wanted to postpone the thing because yijian couldnt make it. postpone an outing just because yijian cannot make it? i know she's close to yijian and all, but i've come to realise that i'm no longer as close to yijian as before. which was a hell long time ago. all i wanted to do was just to meet up with her. so either she was worried that she would have nothing to say to me and wanted yijian there as another person to pei her, or she just dint wanna meet up without yijian. or maybe it was something else. i seriously dont know. maybe im just thinking too much.

i have this very bad habit of thinking too much about things. which i should change in the new year. which is tomorrow. i cant change something like that in just one day?!?
just told yuan at her blog to let things take their natural course. why cant i let mine be the same? but i know i cant, cos i like to be in control of things and know when what would happen. sheesh. im starting to feel down.

actually i realised that im one who dont pour out feelings easily. the only people i've ever poured out my emotions to, are probably xinxin and tim. maybe mok and ruoling too. but i cant really remember. cos that's the time when i either starts crying, or flares up. that's why xinxin usually gets the bulk of my temper. im so sorry dear. and i think tim heard me cry over the phone before. but i guess i only show my true emotions when i really cannot keep them capped on anymore and needs somebody to talk to. now i feel guilty at making them share my burdens. sigh.

oh. i got myself a job, finally. an admin job at hillgrove secondary. the people there seem really nice. if i can, i think i would spend my next six months there.. it's nice to be at a school when everybody else is at school. at least i'll feel normal like that. and it is only one busride, plus 10 mins of walking each trip. good exercise for myself i guess. finally im not the only one who doesnt have a job when the new year starts.

think i have a million things that i wanna say, or blog. but they just simply cannot come to my mind now. maybe i'll put them up later as i think about them. there i go again. think too much.

havent been blogging for a while i guess. nothing much to blog about actually. i wouldnt wanna blog about boring stuff like playing neopets everyday. -duh- yes i still play neopets and guess what. my parents are actually hooked onto a jackpot game in neopets!!! yesh. my parents play neopets now using my account.. how funky of them right? *grin* but the problem is that they have lost tens of thousands of neopoints using my account... what a heartache. to think they are my hard earned neopoints.. *sob* *grin* now i understand how they feel when i spend their hard earned money.. lesson well learnt aint it? now my main problem is to earn more monies for my parent to spend.. haha. how amusing.

shuz just came over to my house to play and chat this afternoon.. had a fun time talking to her about everything under the sun. then we chanced upon the topic of fate and destiny. turns out that she used to believe in it, but not any more. as for me, i never had "fate" and "destiny" in my dictionary. not that i never believed in fate and destiny but i dont think there exists fate and destiny. why does that sound contradictive? but after romeo and juliet and zero experience, i refuse to accept fate and destiny as it is. i may live to eat my words but that will be it for now. *grin*

whee. ruoling jingwen venus coming over on wednesday morning. haii. realised that i miss the class when we dont get together and play.. what will happen to me next year? i think i mite end up in SMU when everybody else are going to NUS (unless ruoling comes along with me to SMU which i think is highly unlikely) and we'll grow further apart.. realised my jc mates are the ones where i can show my true wild playful side.. haha. like my usual suaning people, or teasing people.. whereas i think sec sch mates are alot more mild but i think im closer to them at the heart.. wait. i think im confused. darn. i think i grew further away from them in jc.. maybe because i became closer to my jc mates whilst they stuck close together? hm. argh. im confused. shant think so much. all i know is that i'll miss everybody, esp ruoling xinxin venus when uni begins and we have much lesser time to meet up. haii.

can i go all the way back to first three months when everybody was still happy and carefree? i dont wanna grow up. sigh.

i still sound like a frog. but slightly better than a raspy frog. *croak* haha.. this means my voice is getting much better.. whee. and today is christmas! MERRY CHRISTMAS!! well, i dont celebrate christmas and this year no doubt, remains the same.. *yawn* what a boring christmas. havent been in touch with anybody for almost a week i think.. just heard xinxin's voice over the phone yesterday and that was it.. feel quite lonely lah, but what to do when everybody is playing elsewhere, leaving me to wallow in loneliness.. haha.. *yawn* maybe i should just sleep christmas away.. what an INTERESTING christmas it is..

help. im croaking like a frog. croak.

looks like i gotta learn how to deal with disappointment - i.e. being rejected for a job.. due to my no experience in working, science centre is not taking me up. haii. damn disappointed. what to do? wait for more people to call me for temp jobs. i know for a fact that i've tried my very best to look for a job, but the calls that i have received so far is very minimal. damn disappointed. dont tell me we are only relegated to doing chores like giving out leaflets at mrt stations. think i'd rather stay at home and help my mum with her house chores instead of rotting away giving sheets of paper which people throws away after walking a few steps. no way am i gonna do that. no way.

havent blogged for such a long time.. blame it on me being out all day long almost every other day starting from friday.. and im down with cough right now.. of all timing.. must be the overdose of choc we ate at ruoling's house on monday.. the mousse and brownies we made.. but both were extremely good.. hee. oh, and my doctor was Dr Tan Cheng Bock (you know, the prominent MP who was quarantined during the SARS period.. ), who commented, "last time i saw a little Weina, now i see a big Weina.." how interesting. cant help it if i went to his clinic since i was young right? *grin* whee. cant wait for LOTR tmr.. too bad we couldnt catch the marathon.. or else i'll be in the theatre today for the whole day.. haha..

i sure hope i get the job at science centre.. still waiting for them to contact me.. haii. looks like looking for jobs can be pretty tough, tough in the sense we keep having to wait for people to contact us and to live in a "worried" mood? hm. got a call from petrina of kelly services yesterday when i was out, asking if i was still looking for a temp job.. offered a temp job which pay was not bad, but i had to go all the way to millenia walk to work for citibank for data entry.. but the time is horrible.. 9am-7pm, with high possibility of extending overtime... overtime pay is $9/hr, while usual is $6/hr.. not bad lah.. but still.. haii. and another one from dunno where called yesterday, first thing she asked was "you got admin experience?" when i replied saying no, then she just said,"Aw, too bad loh.." what kind of attitude is that? cant help it if we dont have working experience cos we're all too involved in our CCAs since sec sch till now right? busy organising camps, attending workshops or trainings for other people's cases.. and these dont seem to mount up to much when we look for temp jobs.. haii. maybe being a student is much much better. dont have to worry about income or whatsoever... slacking at home can be quite a bore after a while, tho it can be interesting initially... yawn. time to go watch the "guess guess guess" show.. yuan msged me late last night "guess" got wilber pan. teehee... something to take my mind off -- jobs.. urgh.

been looking for jobs ever since after chalet.. was lucky enough to get a call from HR saying that they will be forwarding my resume over to CPF for a temp job that is two weeks long, and it may be extended if i do a good job.. and the pay quite good too.. and, coincidentally, i went for a audition (actually it's more like an interview) today at taka tower A. it all began when me and venus were "talent scouted" (should i say talent scouted at all? hm. ) along the orchard underground tunnels as we were doing last minute shopping for prom on tues. twice by two different people from the same company.. haha.. first she asked for our age and asked if we were interested in doing modelling for mag covers, tv adverts etc.. then the person took down our names and numbers and shortly after (just yesterday) , i received a call from karen of BI international asking me to go down for an audition at taka tower today.. i wont exactly call it an audition because all i did there today was to chat with another person from the office as karen wasnt in yet and talk about the details of the whole thing.. not sure if venus went down today cos she did say her parents quite apprehensive about the whole issue.. will probably check with her later..

details of the whole thing..
1. undergo a 6 week course (every sunday 1.5 hrs) on modelling and photo shoots. once started, cannot back out.. whole cost of course: $2000 (fully sponsored by company)
2. for the course, i need to get 3 things at personal expense: 3 inch high heels (wah, think i'll wobble and fall if i really ever try one), casual wear (stuff like tops and jeans -- piece of cake since my wardrobe is full of them), and professional makeup kit that makes people look good under strong lighting (catch -- it cost $550.. i can either buy myself or get the company's makeup artist to order for me.. it will be my personal belonging..)
3. after the 6week course, i'll then freelance for the company.. so i get to choose whether i take the assignments they give, and the frequency will be based on how many companies like my face.. haha...

it sounds okay right? but i dont know if i should go for it.. i must admit, it is a once in a lifetime experience.. i mean, i dint expect such stuff to happen on me lah, cos i know i dont look pretty, i am not chio nor skinny, just one fact that i happen to be tall -- that's all. but the person said height wasnt a factor considered in their company. hm. i seriously have absolutely NO idea whether to take up this offer.. people out there reading this, please please help me.. tell me what should i do.. no datelines mentioned but the person said i can give karen a call if i have more questions... argh. how?!?!? *sheesh*

whee. prom is finally over. it wasnt as fun as i thought it would be but nonetheless, it was rather entertaining. note i used the word: entertaining.. haha. esp the particular incident involving wilbur, eileen and a small bouqet of flowers.. i'm not liable to elaborate more details just in case eileen decides to kill me at sijia's house on monday but rest assured that the photo will be up soon (after venus sends it to me via email and i put it on the class blog), everything would then come to light. *tink*

wanted to go clubbing yesterday night, or catch a midnight movie but we stayed in the hotel in the end. all thanks to jinyang and weichong who disappeared while the girls were washing up and getting out of the gunk of hair spray and pins. pins count: sijia had about 16, i had about 20odd (exact number which i cannot quite remember) and venus had the most *drumsroll* : 42 (right?) *hee* the pins dint exactly kill me but i must admit, i liked my hairstyle yesterday.. quite different lah, the alternate straight and curly ones that i let down at the back.. the girls can attest to the "niceness" of it initially before it started disappearing during the prom itself.. venus' s wings were entertaining.. everybody wanted to take photo with the winged venus..
one example goes like this:
kah suan: hey nana, where's venus?
me: *points to our table no 42* she's over there..
kah suan: aiyah, she's busy now, i look for her later..
*10 minutes later*
kah suan: where's venus? i wanna take photo with her and her wings..
me: *laughs* she went upstairs to put down her wings liaoz..
kah suan: aiyah, i really wanted to take photo with her wings..
*soon after*
me: hey kah suan, venus is back down with her wings..
kah suan: (in an excited tone) where? where is she? *rushes off to look for venus*

haha, that was sure funny lah. oops. but seriously, venus's wings were nice, just a tad loose, so we had to push it to stick every 15 minutes to half an hour. to think me and sijia wanted to walk 1m radius away from her after she put on her wings.. *laughs* everybody looked extremely stunning yesterday, especially elsa.. she was really the prettiest amongst all of us, but we all looked good anyway.. *ego* cant wait to get my photos, sent it to develop immediately i got off the bus before i reached home.. can collect later at 7pm.. hee. so happy.. haha..

realised that was probably the last time the class can really get together as a whole (at least for the singaporeans..) for everybody is either going on holidays or booked into camp early (aka dewen) and zhang qing flew off today.. think i'll miss her alot. the rg gang in 02s33 is missing a piece.. sure hopes she comes aback real soon next year.. her usual funny cranky weird ideas, like how she would deal with a guy if the guy betrayed her.. whee, guys wont wanna mess with her sia.. haha... i'll miss ya gal..

and that eileen, was in one of her weird ideas last night, getting into bgr topics and started saying she wanna go play play around and find some guy who would suit her.. i started teasing her by comparing her to her going shopping for clothes (guys), going into the changing room with 8 pieces and coming out with 3 reserved ones.. but seriously i dont think she's really that sort.. to me, she's the type who would give all her feelings for the guy and stick to him ( and whine all day long).. and venus said i'm the sort who would play the field abit unless i meet someone really close to the heart and then i'll stay serious.. which is quite true actually. but i've never given such ideas any thoughts about it before.. yeah now that Alevels are over, it's time to havoc and go wild, the idea of getting a boyfriend never crossed my mine actually.. and as usual i'd just say, not that anybody would want me in the first place.. haha.. aiyah, it's up to fate lah, but for now, i'm enjoying singlehood. and to think mok thought i would have gotten a boyfriend by now and had a date for prom.. hellooo? a relationship cant be started within 1.5 weeks if you realised... by the way mok, you lost the bet (remember? *winks*) any reward for me? haha..

i sure hope as i was taking photos yesterday i dint miss out anybody to take photos with.. 2 rolls of film were just nice for me actually.. took photos with the class, my dear exco and a few friends from everywhere.. and i saw kristal (who crashed.. -duh-) and for a fleeting moment i thought i saw celeste, but it wasnt i think.. took a 206 photo with venus rachel and fangxi.. dint realise until venus exclaimed, "hey this is a 206 photo!" haha, how slow of us.. but it's real nice to see that 206 gals are becoming more close again.. take venus for example, i wasnt extremely close to her in sec1/2 but 2 yrs of jc life together has brought us so much closer.. will definitely miss her for her blondeness and blurness once uni starts if we're not together...

haii. as usual time flies. the rg compounds look slightly different. and they have a J blk! which i initally thought was a resting place for the foreign workers. i wonder what they do in the J blk and what on earth was happening to our dear field.. not that it was much of a useful field anyway, but it holds memories of our water bomb endings to orientation sessions or camps and combined trainings... the days when girls could play all out wild getting wet and dirty with no restrictions.. at least during the days of carmee lee reign and under the rg era (of our period).. things have really changed alot after we left rg. for the better of the worse i dont know cos we're not there to experience the changes and yeah...

whee. i love blogging.

after getting broadband i've developed the habit of coming online every morning, afternoon and night, having a lack of interest for the tv and radio (except when SEA games is on channel 5) -- which was something i craved for during prelims and Alevels, and -gasp- not bothering to go on icq. not that there's anybody online usually actually.. i wonder if this is a healthy sign at all. hm.

yay, gloria finally replied, saying that she welcomes me back to do comserve with the kids at bukit ho swee. sheesh, i sure miss the times playing with the kids. wonder which school did logan get into... that guy, always told me he wanted to go ACSI.. even if he had the results to go RI, he'd rather go ACSI.. such a pesky little kid.. haha, but i was his sole trustee... how honoured. haii. miss the times doing com serve.. i sure hope they dont clash with my working times..

busy looking for jobs nowadays for a source of income and to occupy my time.. realised staying at home can be quite a bore after spending 3 full days at home. now i crave to go out but as my pockets empty themselves, it's quite a tough decision to make.. whether to stay at home and bore myself or to go out and torture myself by seeing stuff i wanna buy and eat but i've got no monies in my pocket.. wonder which is the better choice? come to think about it, i'd rather stay at home and bore myself.. at least i can come online and blog, or hide in my room and read books.. oh i love woodlands library.. such a big and nice comfy library, think i can hide myself in there for one whole day.. went there with my family today and i borrowed 5 english novels (consisting of 1 michael palmer, 2 robert ludlum, 2 other book titles i cannot remember..) and 1 chinese wuxia xiao shuo -- JUE DAI SHUANG JIAO!! (also known as the twin heroes..) finally i found that precious wuxia of mine.. haha... but one problem is that it is in the form of chinese traditional characters and the words are aligned straight down from right to left.. the old kind of chinese printing.. what a torture.. i nearly wanted to put it back, but then again, i decided to challenge my chinese standards (which should probably suck by now...) to the limit and try to read as much as possible.. my dad laughed at me kay, says he cant even stand such printing, and who am i to try reading such printing... and he's the one who survives only on chinese wuxia xiao shuo.. maybe i should stick to jinyong next time, whose printing is in simple chinese and moves across like english words... goodness. just realised im gonna have a hard time adapting from my chinese novel to my english novel.. *grin* but such torture is all worthwhile when i get to immerse myself in the fighting scenes of the twin heroes and the thrilling excitement of the thrillers i borrowed. okay. i think im going waayyy off the initial topic... *grin*

Violence is essentially wordless, and it can begin only where thought and rational communication have broken down.
-- Thomas Merton

i find it very weird that i still continue to see the black old blog on my own comp but others tell me they see the new one.. i like the new one. hee.

dunno if there's something wrong with blogger or what but none of my posts are showing up.. cant really be bothered anyway.

phew, finally decided on what im going to wear on prom, which is just 4 days away. and my legs are full of mosquito bites, i counted them and it mounted up to a horor score of almost 60 *gasp* yeah, now i miss the days when i didnt have any at all. they aint that itchy but it just doesnt look nice. haha. if prom was long over i cannot be bothered about them at all. whee.

went to international plaza yesterday to sign up with job agencies.. at least about 6 or 7? cant really remember... but what was memorable was the chionging at sakae sushi after that... was super super bloated.. haha. and i just had to have a craving for something milky so me and ruoling went to buy ice cream... goodness, thankfully i can still fit into my gown or else my mum would kill me... and my family is thinking of going to eat buffet on this coming thurs!! yay.. haha. havent went out with my family for a long long long long time.. today is the first day i'm happily slacking away at home and enjoying myself on the internet and playing jue dai shuang jiao san that junhui lent me.. realised i really like playing chinese wu xia games... maybe because there's a really nice story line behind it and i get to build everything up from scratch, like their wu gong and their character... pretty amazing how i changed from one topic to another huh, from eating to prom and to computer games... haha. this is really one slacking life man..

actually chalet at sentosa was pretty fun afterall. tho i had the occasional mood swing but aside from that i guess everything went rather smoothly i guess.. yeah. especially the amazing race that me ruoling sijia organised... the pairs was quite exciting, on seeing how xinxin dewen raced against jinyang venus for the first team and eileen wilbur raced against elsa yanlian.. hee. nobody realised ultimately we dint tally up the scores.. i just hope everybody kept the pictures they took and email them to me so that i can put them up on the class website or blog... should get started on the class website soon.. looks like after Alevels, there's still so much stuff to do.. haii. think i'll miss school life. *yawn* non stop shopping and going out can be rather boring.

GEMINI WOMAN

A good looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has
a fast movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is
able to do many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you
will feel like dating many women at the same time. You can not tie her down
with the word "Love" because she cares about love but is it not a major
factor of her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her
many different characters. She is a dreamer and has many dreams. She eager to learn something new all the time. Even she is the 2 in 1 mixed character type, she is quite lucky in love. You have to put all your efforts to win her affection. Even when she
likes you and wonder about your wit, she will also see and inspect your bad side at the same time, because it is in her nature. She is able to keep all kinds of mixed options without annoying you or letting you know at all. She can cheer you up by acting like a free little bird. Her conversation will not bored you. She is able to talk to you in any subjects. She can make you feel like you are the luckiest man alive. She can make you feel like she needs all your care, but once she needs to stand
alone, she can stand alone firmly and comfortably. She can be your best buddy and talk to you about anything. She can join all your activities with the same energy that you have. She is a quick wit person and learn new things very fast. She can see your projects and she can give you good advice. If she thinks you are not sure that you want her for yourself, she will act like your best friend only, a cool woman. She can easily make a guy fall in love with her. Her multiple changes and many moods is a "Charm" for many men. She can be laughing for 2 minutes and later suddenly become quiet. She wants to find only 1 true love and she wants to meet her dream guy. She expects a lot and nearly too much. She is constantly waiting for her knight shinning armor even she is with a steady boy friend. She can fall in love or fond of someone else while she is with you. If you break up with her, she will forget you quite fast, because change is in her nature. The Gemini woman breaks more heart than woman in other Zodiac. Because she is a dreamer and always waiting for her knight shinning armor, so her love life can be complex or a mess. She hates to write a long letter, so if you write her a letter and expect a prompt reply, forget it. Because she has a multiple personality and multiple ideas, so she hates to put them down in written proof. Because she knows what she belief today can be different tomorrow.
She could communication with more than 1 languages , a real gifted linguistic. If she wants to tell you any bad comments, she won't say it straight away, but she will talk to you about many other things and accidentally come to that subject without offending you. Normally she will not lie. She will work hard and once a while take a long rest. She can get bored and tired with her own surrounding more than at work. She never feel content with her present work, money, or reputations, she will drive to have more. Don't ask her what is her ultimate contentment for she will not have
an answer. Once you get to know her, she will be a supportive person and always
be beside you. She has a beautiful dream and she loves to have someone
walk side by side with her, together and equally.

i have no idea how much of the above is true as i have never fallen in love before and probably not in the near future as far as i can see, but the above part about the writing letters is aboslutely wrong.. for comfirmation, try asking tim or weiliang.. haha...

have not blogged for an extremely long period of time. one reason was mainly it being the Alevels and the other was because i finally signed up for broadband and my 56k connection was cut since the last day of Alevels as i signed up at the sitex fair and cut my net connection. how dumb of me.

anyway, im sitting at the internet kiosk of the sentosa ntuc resorts and im feeling downright xian diao. damn xian. something is missing and i just feel .. not right? dunno if that was the correct word to use but anyway. i decided to isolate myself from the noise the tv and the people but people came down to join me one after another. dunno whether was it done on purpose or they really wanted to come down and enjoy the nice cool breeze at 2am in the morning. i dont feel tird at all. just feeling down. not miserable, but just a phase of time when i'd rather be alone and read or write nonsense in my diary. i dont mind strangers walking around me, but i feel downright uncomfortable with my classmates around. sometimes i feel out of the whole class, sometimes i feel with the class. sounds like im babbling but i totally understand what im telling myself. afterall this blog is meant fr me to vent my entire emotions anyway i like it to be so i dont hafta give a damn to who's reading this. walao, i dont even know who's reading. nobody identifies themselves, and they just read silently and go. maybe not a single soul is reading. but i know that's impossible. mei yuan and ruoling are reading. i know that bcos they identify themselves. can whoever is reading, please please identify youself. argh. i feel helpless. lost. sheesh.

schedule has been packed to the brim ever since thursday and im getting quite tired of it all. i long for a day when i can slack at home, play computer , read a book, listen to music and watch tv. sounds simple huh, but given the obligations i've made i dont seem to be able to find time at all TO MYSELF. is anybody out there as weird as me, wanting time to be alone and to clear my thoughts,? maybe im a loner to begin with. this is very weird. back in sec sch i used to drop back and take the next 187 so that i can be alone if i see someone i know and dont wanna create conversation. that's the extreme i'd go to, isnt that weird? sometimes i yearn for the company for many people, but sometimes i just wanna be alone. and tonight is one of the days i just wanna be alone. think this feeling of mine came seriously at the wrong time. haii. what to do? seriously im dreading tmr's amazing race. i have no idea how it would turn out and i really hope everything would turn out fine. sheesh. or else i'd just blame myself for wasting everybody's time. haii. i feel like going home. to rest and to slack. not that i dont like going out but i feel like going out alone. had a great time shopping alone at junction8 while waiting for time to pass before going to meet ramnik and sijia yesterday for lunch. sheesh. and i spent 20 min outside pohkim watching westside story. but seriously, i like the stunts done by 5566, it's really damn cool. heh.

this post is going to be damn long. but i like the feeling, of sitting here and typing typing typing away into the night, tho i pity dewen beside me who's currently doing maths right now from the internet. oops. but i told him to go back first if he wants to, i can survive alone, cos the security guard is just behind me, tho i think my physical fitness level might be better than his (get the idea of what kind of security guard they have?). heh. i need to get my mind off alot of things. things that i have a nagging feeling about but have been trying to escape them for ages. now that i've got all the time in the world, i should solve them. i seem to be typing nonsense now but i like it. haha. entertaining huh? it's more like crap here. in a way i wish time would stop. i dont wanna grow up so soon and become an . i wanna be