as usual. slacking away before dinner. grabbing the small bit of time to blog before dinner.

just knew today that for the whole of april, my saturday mornings are gone. to orals. ahhh... and we're giving the sec3 NA students orals on this coming sat. i must remember to bring sweets to eat so that me and wanting wont fall asleep. oh wells. i will try to stay awake. but i dont think i can.. help...

mei is saying that leong wenyi of junior class is in ms singapore. i dont believe her. unless contestant no 20 who is bridgette leong is her. but no 20 is aged 19, just like me. unless she bluffed about her age la. heh. but if she's in, my goodness. i hate to say this, but what a dramatic change. i know sum yee is in, and i seriously want her to win. but the sandy girl is damn charming and pretty.. think she might get it in the end. yeah. but i still maintain my stand that in the prelude all of them acted like bimbos. hahaha.

realised that i dont get freaked out much. of course there are exceptions. some people get spooked easily by morbid things. scary movies and bloody images. fine. i laugh. as in seriously. some are just simply so fake. for obvious reasons. i sound weird la. but those who know me will know i'm simply like -that-.

but of course i do get spooked. 1. flying insects. 2. true incidents.

and when i say true incidents, i dont mean true ghost stories. i mean real true incidents.
just watched the programme "missing" on channel 5. was kinda spooked in a way because it brought back memories.

remember the two missing boys in 1986? yeah. maybe some might remember, some dont. i remember it cos it hit the headlines for a long period of time. at least on lianhe wanbao and xinmin, the papers that my parents read for leisure and i scan through sometimes. yeah, chinese papers. major headlines. especially when the case was reopened when we were in p6. now i finally understand why the case was reopened after 11 years. still remember when i was young and when my family went malaysia with my relatives, all the aunts and uncles like to say "better follow the adults when you move around, or else you might be kidnapped to become beggars in bangkok or 'girl' changed into 'boy' and vice versa and who knows what might become of you..." it's their way of scaring the kids and making sure that we follow. yeah we did. closely. all of us were spooked by it due to the major headlines. so spooked that i can still remember it vividly.

it must be a torture for their parents, who are living till now. almost 18 years have went by and all they hold on to, are their 12year old photos and plenty of rumours which may not be true half the time. 18 years seem so long ago. i wonder if the two boys (or rather, they would be adults by now if they're still living..) are still somewhere around in this world. appparently the case still remains open, i think.

it is very freaky. to know that such a thing actually happened, and people are grasping at whatever information they think they have, trying to speculate what had happened to the boys. and for once, i'm spooked. not exactly freaked, but it's just the uneasy unsettling feeling that you get sometimes in your stomach. something like that. get what i'm saying? hm.

might just have a sleepless night tonight, and i can safely guarantee, it's definitely not because of my 2.5hr nap in the afternoon. before i sleep, i'd think of the two boys and wonder. what happened.

was watching heartlanders just now and realised that vincent ng is still as cute as ever. remember the first time i had a crush on him was when he was in star search in 1997, together with yvonne lim. they seem such a perfect couple to me. i still think they look very compatible. alan tern is damn goodlooking as well la, but i think he lost some weight cos his face looks much more angular now. and priscilla chen is damn chio la. at least in heartlanders.

tired.

very tired.

went home after school immediately today cos i was just plain tired. just lost steam after geog class with E2. dont know why also. originally planned for grammar class for both english classes today with E1 and E2 but was just too tired to carry it out. luckily compre 5 was in, so we just gave out compre 5 to all five classes to prevent leakage. not that they're smart enough to ask around yet but we realised that tuesday is a good day to give out tests cos we all have el classes with the sec ones on tuesday. dint gave a damn to the classes complaints, cos they have to improve on their compre. sigh. but now i have 80 more compres to mark. oh great. i should get down to doing some marking soon. soon. i havent finished E2's first compre but i've already finished marking, going through and returning E1's compre. think E1 more guai than E2, but E2 more bubbly and responsive. if i'm tired like today, obviously i'd prefer E1 la. but when i'm totally in the mood, obviously E2 gets my votes.

the number of students who know me by sirname is horrifyingly scary. nodded to
almost every single student who greeted me when i was walking out to the busstop from school. was bantering with two girls who were talking about going home to study geo when i thought they were from my tech class. oops. "x i still cannot remember most faces. but then again, by the time i remember every single one of the faces, it would be time for me to go cos it would be end of term 2 by then. yeah. i would like to get to know them better. alot better. oh wells. actually my tech class is quite well behaved. and they listen, to my amazement. i originally thought social studies is just a mere extra subject to them since they dont get examined on social studies, they would create hell and havoc for me. but surprisingly no. the boys la, more noisy and boisterous but that's it. they do ask intelligent questions sometimes. and the girls. my goodness, damn sweet. one of them came up to me last week when i was on my way home and asked about me doing com serve at bukit ho swee, which i told them about it. she asked if the kids wanted any teddy bears since she had plenty of them at home and would like to give them away. i was soooooo touched. seriously so touched. i thought that bunch of girls usually dint listen, but apparently she did and was willing to step out and do a small part for the community. seriously. most of these kids in neighbourhood schools have much more heart and soul in them than the people i see in elite schools. so much more.

i always hear people say, no time to do com serve, dont wanna do com serve and the most commonly used phrase "scared next time no time to do com serve". it's not even a confirmed fact and reality that you dont have the time to do com serve and you're already "worried" about it. seriously la. it doesnt make sense to me. to all girls who are awaiting entry into university now, please don't tell me you dont have time to do com serve. the reason simply cannot stand. i know you got better things to do, than to do com serve, but seriously there are plenty of organisations out there who need volunteers. join them, help them. in whatever small way you can. it may be just once a month or sth, but it goes a long way in serving the community. and for those who spend time "worrying about no time to do com serve", how about i suggest you put the "worrying time" to better use by making the first step to do com serve. if anybody dont know how to go about starting, please look for me. the more the better, and singapore will be a warmer place to live in.

dont know why i got started about com serve, but just thought about it suddenly. maybe cos somebody gave me the same reason yesterday when i asked why she chose to try for med fac. she said "i wanna help people become better.. and i scared next time no time to do com serve.." well. you're helping people to get better, at the expense of their money. unless you're telling me you wanna become a volunteer doctor. which is not impossible but many dont explore the option of that. i do admit, everyone who tries for med and law always start off with nobel notions, like wanting to help people get better, or wanting to fight for the underdogs and things like that. and by the time we get out to the real world, it's only all about promotions, salaries and office politics. where did all our nobel notions went to? they all probably died when we first stepped out as greenhorns, and seeing all our "predessors" doing something which did not quite fit into our original ideas and images of being the "nobel" professionals. same like teachers. always start off wanting to help the students and stretch them to their fullest, instead i see teachers so hurriedly stressed out that they cant even find time to help their kids, so much so to touch and change their lives. maybe that's why most teachers are tired of the system and do want to get out. me being a relief teacher is already tiring enough, what more a proper teacher? maybe that's why i'm actually beginning to question my decision to try for NUS law. do i really want law? or what is it that i truly want? for now, i must admit, i'm at a lost. and mok is right. it's time to start thinking, truly, what i want in life. and to try and live the life i want. not that the decisions i make now will be correct and enable me to live it the way i want it. all decisions lead to different paths, and i just want to take a gamble, and make sure that i dont end up regretting what i chose at the end of the day.

suddenly sound so philosophical. hm. so unlike me. grin. maybe the 2.5hours nap i took just now got me thinking for no reason. reached home at 2.30pm and slept straight all the way to 5pm. that just proved how tired i was. yeah. and i have this nagging suspicion that my mum thinks that there's something wrong with me. vaguely felt her hand on my forehead when i was sleeping just now, and when i told her i had no appetite for anything, she was like "you want to eat some medication?" when i feel perfectly alright and there seems to be nothing wrong with me. but then again. i never know when i'm sick. like when i was in J2 and thought that i was alright, just a tad tired and still went for com serve after school. upon reaching home and going to the doc, to discover that i had a raging fever of 39.2degrees. jason teo said that was enough to kill. my doc gave me an injection to bring down my temp. and i do remember jason being amused about me not knowing that i had such a high fever. which is true. i can never tell when i'm having a fever or not. how do you guys tell anyway? heh.

been taking 157 to school every morning. brings back the memories of when i take the same exact bus to go to hwachong for the past two years. i see familar faces, those ex-j1s current j2s.. and the same old people who used to take the bus to go to various places last year. still recognise them. sigh. makes me feel old. to think i used to be one of them, sitting/sleeping on 157 and chugging my way to hwachong and back home. direct bus for 40mins. happily slept my way home and remember me being the spoilt one (as said by xinxin) cos i absolutely refused to take the nonaircon one to go home and would rather wait for the next one.

all the memories. sighhhh.

i dont wanna grow up.

whine.

realised i cancelled my previous post by accident. argh. never mind. will try to recall what i was typing just previously.

something about agreeing with eileen about spontaneous writing. yeah i must admit i get to know my students much better through their spontaneous writing though i do wish that they dont give me the same language when they are writing their essays or functional writing for that matter. like today, some quipped "cher, informal letter means we can use singlish to write right?" and that came from my 1E1. i simply cannot imagine what will come from justin dittaya and gang tmr. *shudder* and getting them to do group work is disaster. a simple question in groups of four took them one period. sheesh. one question to those read: should i get them to form their own groups or form groups for them instead? hm.

and something about taxis. yeah. i finally saw a green taxi on my way home today. realised it came from one of the new taxi companies which just sprouted recently. but seriously la. when im in need of a taxi, i dont really quite care which company im taking. which ever taxi that comes along first, i'll just hop into it. grin. unless we're talking about booking taxis. ah that's a totally different case all together. grin.

better get started on my adverbs notes and worksheet. eileen if you need worksheets for eng and geog for sec one, email me yeah? i can pass you the stuff i prepared.. now we can share! i'm already sharing my workload with daniel and yun shin.. and daniel is damn on about setting worksheets. just one thing. he never gives me the answers as well. i dont wanna rack my brains over one worksheet when i can spend the time and brain doing up another english worksheet.

we girls seem to be preparing lotsa materials. me eileen ruoling and xinxin. just saw ruoling's compound interest notes yesterday. damn professional sia. grin. and let ruoling and sam see my midyear paper. caleb glanced through today and pointed out some things that i never thought would be impt. but like he said, dont kanjiong, just submit it on wed and let mrs wong see first.. there's still the second draft and the third draft mah. which is true. and anyway i dont have the time now to scan in all the pictures and box them up. think i need to catch caleb when he's in a good mood. quite scared of him when he's grouchy. and he's not that bad la. i think. yeah. still not used to being on first name basis with the teachers. except with my clique of yun shin, daniel and wanting. yeah. people like alicia, angela, cecilia.. yeah. very not used to it. although they insist entirely i call them that or they'll start calling me ms teo. which is even more horrifying. grin.

blogging before i start typing out my adverbs exercise and notes for my EL classes. and start work on prep for geo lesson faulting and folding.

today was such a slack day. three periods with no relief. i was seriously expecting relief but surprisingly none. so i was free at my desk from 10.40 onwards. oh yeah. if anybody needs to call me during school hours period which i seriously doubt so, my ext is 334. whoever wants the sch no, please get it from me personally. thanks. grin. just look for me. dont try looking for ms teo. today cecilia was like shouting across the staff room "any ms teo teaching geo?" i stood up and she giggled. "you ah?" grin. oh sigh. just look for me. still not quite used to students calling me ms teo. but still. gotta get used to it.

i know i like to be kept busy. and this is the type of being occupied i like. sch ends at 1.30pm everyday except friday (1230) so rightfully im free to go after 130. i like it when my time is put to use and not spent stoning away. like back in the office, i always rot and stone. but now, there's something to be done. always. and i honestly dont mind staying back to do work, even if it means longer hours. so as long as my time is fruitfully spent, im fine with it. just like when i'm at home, i enjoy chilling out to music, and doing research for english at the same time, thinking of how to spicce up my lessons, or coming up with work to help improve my students' standards of english. it's considered "passing my time in content and fruitfully". and not watch tv aimlessly each night. that is so. dont really know how to describe it but yeah.

i am finally done with the paper. and when i mean finally done, i mean all typed and nice and ready for the teachers to see. finally. yawn. been at the computer since 1pm. well. i did watch tv from 7-9.30 cos i was watching kindergarten cop and spore's brainiest lawyer. my goodness michael loh is damn talented. lawyer, good writer (just read his letters in the forum) and singer in budak pantai. *envy* and when he smiles, he's quite cute you know. grin. but he's married. lucky girl. he must be damn entertaining. will drop by blu moo at ymca when i have the chance to hear budak pantai sing live. hee.

geog paper was FINISHED at 11.45pm yesterday night!!!! now all i have to do is to type it out, which i will do it in the afternoon later! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

so darnest happy that the paper is finished. not too sure about quality though. will let alicia and caleb have a look on monday. yay.

it's finally out.

blogger ate up my long long post. and i dont wanna retype the whole thing again so here goes. what was in my original post was this morning's el orals. my relaxing day at home. my geog paper which i'm almost done. and of course, the cutest guy on earth right now, wilber pan wei bo. so shuai so cute and damn good voice. even my mum thinks he's goodlooking. grin. i'm starting to fa hua chi over him again. ruoling, can pull me back down again? hee.

changed and all set to go. well. im waiting for my li' sis to reach home. her sch is rv and she takes like one hour to reach home?!? nonsense. wonder what the heck is she doing in school. supposedly remedial. but somehow i have an inkling that it's not. but then again. it's none of my business since she doesnt want me to interfere apparently. so what the heck. leaving the house at 545. and it's really humid today.

i just dont wanna think about the amount of work i have. luckily we're sharing the sec one EL worksheets so that we can come up with less, and more synchronised across the board. walked out of school with daniel today and we were talking about hwachong. about how much he likes to go back to hc and train the trackers. good for him to have such a passion for track la. forgot to ask him if he was from hwachong, but he still helps the hwa chong pe department.

ooh shikai came to hillgrove to relief for one day. and she saw me scolding 1E2. i mean, when you state specifically on tues that the self test was supposed to be handed in on fri at 8am, and 16 of them either "forgot to bring, forgot to do, or forgot to bring and forgot to do" who wouldnt get pissed. E4 only had 6 boys who dint hand in their work. E2? 16. my goodness. lectured them while i relieved them today. serves them right. no matter how cute chunhow dittaya or justin were, sorry too bad. and that chi hou is getting on my nerves. im giving him straight zero for his compre test. too bad if he doesnt want to come and find me after school to take his compre. i wanted to let him bring home and do. but he dint even come. sorry i'm not the type of teacher to run after students. i've got sufficient evidence to justify my zero. to the hell with him.

relax. relax. relax. whooooo.

blogging for a little while before i meet joycet, yy, junhui joycez they all for dinner at hollandv. ahh. one less night to set paper. sheesh. what the heck. at most i improve on it further when i get it back for the second draft. yawn.

realise us new teachers are forming a clique. esp when three of us are sec one eng teacher. yun shin daniel wanting and me. grin. we sat all the way at the back for staff contact today. boring. really wanted to sleep. maybe i should try running away next week. and risk mrs wong coming after me head. haha.

met yuan for lunch just now. had a nice chat over lunch, and the aircon was damn cooling. esp when i rushed all the way out from school at 1pm. grin.

ah yes i know. i should not be blogging right now but i should be doing work. work like setting paper or marking compres. i finished my grammar exercises though. very easy to mark. wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. highest was a 4. out of 10. i had a couple of zeroes, as usual. but that coming from my E2 class. and logan said E2 is supposed to be slightly better than E1. think i better prepare them first. gulps. by doing up a "adverbs and adverbial" summary sheet.

i seem to be taking on so much extra work. extra summary sheets for the geo chapters. at least i did one for water. now E3 asked me if they're getting one for arable land as well. oh well. maybe i would make one for arable land too. whine. but i guess i do have the time after setting my paper to do that for them. i realise, i need to plan wayyyy ahead of time so that i can print my worksheets. or else if i always submit it to irene and tell her i need it the next day, i feel quite bad. like making her do extra work. i've seen enough of such cases when i was at the office so i should aim not to do something like that. yeah.

seems like when everybody is bored, they turn to neopets. was talking to joycez just now, apparently our dear girl here is happily slacking at home because she is simply too lazy to go find a job.. grin. and she was playing neopets. reminded me of the times in the dec hols when me and venus were so bored we went back to play neopets all over again. grin. guess it is one online game that seems to be around for a long period of time.

and surprisingly. joycez is entangled in a relationship problem. or maybe i should not put it in that way. grin. dont ask me for the details. ask her personally. joycet, i know you can wrangle details out from her as easily as how you did to me. so do it to her. muahahaha.
but why on earth is everybody suddenly getting in touch with "relationships". maybe it aint everybody. but to me, it feels as though it is. to me, that is.

meeting yuan for lunch tmr. another kpo one. i know. hahaha. yuan, if you're reading this anytime today, please i refuse to stay in school to lunch togther. i wanna get out of school before any of my students come along and start "cher...." they're nice kids la, but still. logan dint warn me about chun how and dittaya in E2 when he passed the class to me. cutest boys i ever saw, and very talkative. luckily dittaya is sitting at the back now, while chun how is still in front. christopher (according to logan, the talkative one) has went all quiet and justin is still as noisy as ever. i see E2 9 periods a week. for both EL and GEO. nice class la. this is the class of 40 that i'll love. did idioms with them today and all of them did their homework and gave me one new idiom each. good for them. wonder if E1 will do the same for tmr. they wont be as enthu i think. hm.
i seem to be going on and on about my classes. maybe because this is only my first week. maybe because the whole notion of being a teacher is still very new to me. maybe because. hm.

i'm home early today! finally. haha. with 40 grammar exercises and 40 compres untouched. plus 7/8 of my geo paper not set. looking on the bright side though, i still have thurs night, fri afternoon and night. plus the weekend. should be alright la. still need to prepare lessons for next week. so pardon me if i'll be a hermit for this weekend yeah? i'm refering this to the class..

had my first and only tech class yesterday and today. doing social studies with them. after all the horror stories eileen and ruoling like to talk about, i was so worried about my 2T1, and social studies. i mean, ss is almost like CME to them la. but surprisingly they listened and asked questions! i mean, if they kept quiet and did nothing, then there's something wrong. but im amazed they actually asked questions! not all la, but say around half the class? and they do respond to me positively. so that's a good sign. grin.

today was my longest day. 7 periods. peng. plus the makeup class with 2E5 after school immed at 130, 9 periods. nearly died la. i told 2E5, let's make this painless for both parties. you wanna go home, i want to go home too. so you cooperate with me and let's leave the classroom by 215. they became sweet angels and we left the classroom by 2.05! thank goodness. and so i happily packed my bag and left school.

i should be putting this time to better use. i should get down to setting my paper. groans. whine. whine. whine. hahaha.

left school at 5.25pm today. where got relief teacher leave school so late? maybe xinxin la, the passionate one. i was in school so late due to the eng DLC and our unofficial meeting after that. overload of info. ah. and ended up with more work to do.
ah. finally seated at my comp again. for a short while before i run off to FINALLY start setting my paper. my sec2express midyear geo paper. ah finally.

notecheck to myself.
things to be submitted on monday 290304.
1. midyear geo paper to alicia and caleb for them to look through and give comments before final submission to mrs wong on 310304
2. compre test 5 (inclusive of summary) for daniel, yun shin and wanting to see.
3. summaries of lessons for arable land, land reclamation and land poldering.
4. lesson plans for land reclamation and land poldering.
5. lesson plans for my english classes next week.
6. extra comprehensions for the weaker students in the class = remedials to E1, E2.
7. tips to do well in summaries for the sec 1 level.

ah help. but i'm feeling fine today. i feel as though i'm on a roll.
orals together with wanting on saturday. both of us first timers. grin. the poor sec 3 express students are going to see two teachers who might be more nervous than them. haha. and surprise surprise. daniel relief taught PE in hwachong last year. now he keeps claiming i should call him "shi xiong" when he dint even relief teach my class. *sticks out tongue* dear classmates, remember the short pe teacher who was playing bball with the guys last year? yep, that's him. daniel ling. wait till i start calling him "mr ling" tmr. wahahaha. meanie yesh i know.

i should get going. my paper awaits me. and my hp. smses are coming in like nobody's business and i dont know who msged me cos my hp not with me now.
and there's american idol!

i love being a teacher.

i'm tired and pissed. maybe stressed. i dont know.

i'm tired of the amount of work that i gotta do each day. the amount of preparation that i'm doing. it's almost as though i'm working from the minute i wake to the minute i sleep. lesson plans, layouts, notes, worksheets to make sure i dont deliver a boring and useless lesson to the students. to engage them as much as possible and let them learn and have fun at the same time. due to us slower than schedule by ALOT, remedials have to be scheduled. now i need to work out an extra set of materials, for remedial classes. and goodness knows, the classes will prolly curse at me.

groan. i'm talking about the sec twos. the sec ones make me feel happy. like my 1E2. saw them for 4 periods today. very nice and cute bunch of people.

not forgetting, my exam paper. which i havent touched yet. i'm dead. dateline is 310304. what the hell. and chua asked me how was it coming along today. dint dare to tell him i havent gotten around it yet. who asked them to tell me and confirm my place only on friday and put me on hold for the exam paper?!? fine. i'm trying to find reasons for myself.

i'm feeling pissed too. prolly pissed at myself for not being able to finish the things i set out to do. my lesson plans and all. i seem so. disorganised. and helpless. chua is stressed out like hell which is pretty obvious. i dont wanna load him down with MY problems. nobody seems to understand. or at least, i havent heard from anybody at all these two weeks. absolutely nobody. with the exception of kailyn and sam. feeling lonely. and tired. and pissed. and stressed. all rolled into one.

i'm not going to quit. never. over my dead body. i'll die before i give up. dead serious.

ookie people. i finally got myself msn. look for me under bluskysea@yahoo.com and yeah i'll be there. and pass me the required contacts.

lazy me. haha. as usual. =)

finally. time to blog for a while before looking at cdroms books and papers. plus websites.

i'm currently situated in a mess of geo materials. i can see within my sight, my campus binder notebook (which costs a bomb), my SOW for sec1 express geo, sec 2 express geo, Earth our home teacher's edition for sec 1, Earth our home 1/2 cd roms, my pink fishy file with class lists in there, rgs sec 1/2 geo notes like rocks and landforms, excel in geo 1 and workbooks piled under the whole heap. yawn. i am not going to sleep. but i felt so sleeping when i was relieving 2E3 during the last period today. luckily it was just babysitting and not lessons. goodness. loh just HAD to give that period to me.

considering i had only 3 periods of lessons today, time flew. it really flew. for no reason. i'll have 6 periods tmr. with 4 periods going to 1E2 for both el and geo. i love 1E1 and 1E4. and the sec twos are dead. period. E5 was horrendously quiet. but maybe because i was going through topics that i dint prepare for. they actually stopped at lesson 9 when logan told me they were starting lesson 14. big difference. will make it up to them by giving them a summary for water as a whole. which i am supposed to be doing now. sleepy.

and i'm setting my geo paper every night.. i hope i have the inspiration to come up with 20 mcqs tonight by looking at exam papers and assessment books. and hopefully, dont fall asleep at my table. still not used to waking up at 6am in the morning. maybe that explains why i'm super tired and sleepy now.

i must try to remember names. but with 7 classes of geo?!?! maybe i can remember my el classes considering the fact that i have 7 periods with them every week. and i discovered that i'm only marking 1 NA class of compo. thank goodness. 200 geo scripts is enough to kill.

i may sound as though i'm complaining. but i am not. cos i enjoy what i'm doing now, preparing and preparing. research and more research. something i enjoy. and interacting with the lower sec students, it feels great. especially when i was in 1E1 and 1E4. hey kailyn dear, i told E4 you said hi. grin. the girls were beaming brightly. and they said their favourite english teacher so far, is you. happy yeah? =)

i should get going. into the pile of geo that i see on the table and chair beside me. yawn. i will NOT sleep. i will NOT sleep.

last night felt like a dream. so much like a dream. such that i woke up this morning wondering if i really had a nice dream last night.

i wonder.

but it wasnt a dream.

think i have a thing for orange layouts nowadays. changed it twice in two days. short layout life span. but who cares? grin.

today's rollercoaster was much wilder than yesterday's. much wilder. it went to extremes that i'm almost at a loss for words. haha. but from the tone of my words, i sound happy. because i am happy. everything that seemed to be headed for the worse made a big U-turn and came out fine in the end. how can i not be happy? lalala.

early in the morning, the principal came to speak to me. she went straight to the point and told me that it is very likely that she would take the ugt in place for me. something in me just broke. i dint show it to her. but my tone in my voice gave me away. upset. disappointed. it felt worse than yesterday. hearing the confirmation coming from her mouth. after she walked away, mr alfred came to ask for keys. he tried making conversation but i couldnt talk. as in. once i started talking, i would have started tearing. so i just kept mum and gave him the keys. he did give me a very weird look.

went to the toilet after that to cry my hearts out. i guess it was just plain disappointment. imagine. for the past 1 month, every teacher had been asking when am i going to go up to the staff room. they seemed excited. especially teachers like ms noryanti, ms chew, ms ang (both of them), mrs loh, mrs bok, ms ng.. nice to talk to nice to be around with. and i started preparations for my work since two weeks ago. isnt it hard on me when you tell me today that you will prolly take the other teacher instead of me? isnt it? fine. i may be trying to find reasons for myself. but at least that is how i feel.

then i cooled down. dint think about it anymore. nothing happened. i dint feel anything at all. until i saw the ugt walk into the office for the interview. mrs wong interviewed her. ms margaret teo asked me for the school chop to chop the books that she was going to give her. then. then she asked me. "what's going to happen to you?" i replied her plainly. "lose my job. what else?" it's true. the budget did not include two temp clerks working at the front counter. it only had budget for one. so happened there were two initially cos june was on MC. now that she's back, the school doesnt need two anymore. i dont wanna let julie get fired after working for just one month which isnt fair to her just so that i get to keep my job if i dont get to relief teach. logically speaking, that left me with no space in the school itself. which equates to me losing my job. maybe that explains the extreme upsetness i was going through. me getting fired. how interesting.

when i saw mrs wong after SMC meeting at around noon, she told me that they will negogiate with MOE to take me in. by then i dint really believe her anymore. all hopes were almost gone. and when mr chua and ms ang were talking to me at the counter about the "fun times" we'll go thru for remedials and exams and students, i told them that i most prolly couldnt join them up there, they looked pretty shocked i must say. or at least mr chua knew. but not ms ang. and so they spent the next 5 minutes convincing me that i'll be there with them and even invited me for lunch. nah. auntie beng huat packed my lunch for me liaoz.

called him during lunch. talked for a while and complained about what the school was putting me through. he pretty much consoled me and seriously, it was nice hearing his voice. hee. ate my lunch in the EAS room and had a short nap before the alarm in my hp woke me up. dragged myself back to the office. blearh. at around 3.40pm. the principal called. talked to me. and told me that they are still going to take me in. i was like "huh?" and it did took me a while to register. say 15 seconds? and she asked for mrs loo after that. mrs loo came out grinning from ear to ear. i thanked her, and she said, "you have a staunch and strong supporter. thank mrs wong. not me." and she went away laughing. overheard her telling molly that mrs wong went into the p's office ard noon, blasted the p for 15 minutes and came out black faced. heh. wondered what mrs wong did to the p. but im sure glad that mrs wong is placing such confidence in me. i really must work up to her expectations and not let her down. seriously, i owe that much to her. will write her a short note to her thanking her later.

thank you.

thank you to the people who placed much confidence in me. people who gave me encouragement over this torturous period. people like mrs wong, mrs loo, ms teo, logan, ms ang, kailyn, lixin, sam, roo for that short note. grin.

left the office at 430pm under the commands of june who shipped us few to europa country club to have dinner. her treat. and they talked about everything that happens in school. me and julie kept relatively quiet cos we havent been there for long. but apparently, the rosy picture that i thought i saw does not seem to be the case. alot of back stabbing and cliques of HODs in the office downstairs. very bad case of cold war, which dint actually seem that obvious to me. and honestly, june and molly are tired of the civil service. dead tired. from what they said, it's pretty obvious. really made me wonder if i really want to go into civil service. learnt alot from them today. and june aint that bad as what she seems. aiyoh. another case of judging a person by what others say before knowing the person. when on earth am i going to learn? argh.

and then he msged, saying that he gets to book out tonight. which means i still get to see him for dinner tmr. grin. happy little lark. haha. to think we were worrying about him not being able to book out for the weekend.

so ultimately everything turned out for the best.

but what if something happens next week? dont care. dont think about it first.
but knowing myself. i will think. especially after all i've been through.

haiyah what the heck. grin. i'm busy for the weekend. last day in office tmr. comn serve in the afternoon. meeting him for dinner. sunday morning jap class. meeting kailyn for lunch and going clothes shopping. i wanna buy clothes... whee. maybe a skirt. or sth like that. i realise i have too many pants. but i like wearing pants. more convenient. hmm. and i realise i dont bother putting on makeup. unlike girls of similar age. today one came in for home ec relief teaching interview. i thought she was in her thirties. she passed me her form and to my horror, she was born in my year. the year of 85. my goodness. i examined her and realised she piled makeup on herself. so thick. yueaks. but everybody seems to be wearing makeup. but i dont like the idea of dolling up. i just wanna feel comfortable. heh.

hell of an emotional roller coaster ride today.

mr logan came back to school to finish up his prep so that IF i'm going to take over him, i'll have an easier time. chatted with him for quite a while, told him about my worries, and told mr chua as well. think mr chua is alright la. just that he's VERY stressed out, hence resulting in his abrupt language. kinda pity him actually. his "buddy" for lower sec geo keeps changing and he nearly blew up when i told him timidly today that i MIGHT not be taking over. he was like ...... oh sigh.

and when i went back to the office, i received a phonecall from a certain ms tan. who was the ugt posted to hillgrove for geo and MATHS?!? what the hell. was sooooo bloody tempted to hang up on her. but of course the nice civillised me spoke politely and informed her that both mrs wong and mrs yeow aint in. call back tmr girl. and meanwhile, dont let me see you. sheesh. was very upset la. she spoke as though it was confirmed. cos moe sent her the letter. get away man. haii.

then i msged mr logan. and him. whining/complaining. and mr logan was like "there's better opportunities out there for you.." and he even offered to help me ask his friend in the law firm if i wanted an attachment of sorts. its okay la. cos i think i'm staying at the front office if i dont get the relief teaching thing. i think. i hope. and he cheered me up with his smses. partially free cos there were illegal immigrants on tekong. haha. so exciting. armed with grenades somemore. grin. thanks dear. or maybe i should thank the illegal immigrants for making him free to reply. haha.

then mrs yeow actually came in to the office in the afternoon. when i thought she was on leave. so i picked up my courage (from nowhere) stepped into the office and spoke to her about this issue. when i was speaking to her, mrs loo came in to transfer some files into mrs yeow's computer. as usual. all the same things were repeated. we're not sure yet, we know we're leaving you hanging blah blah blah. told her i've already started doing up lesson plans and the mid year exam paper, she just simply brushed it aside. what the hell.

met mrs loo in the toilet after that. she asked, "so got anything out from mrs yeow?"
for no reason, i started crying. the tears just flowed. like it's damn unfair to make an agreement on the post and take it away when im in the thick of things planning and all. maybe that is just working life. and according to mrs loo, this is very mild already. to me it isnt. to mrs loo, it isnt also, cos she looks at other things aside from budget and certs. the human emotions. and the time and hard work they've put in. she was real nice about the whole issue and gave me two hugs. said that she'll support me all the way. was really touched by her actions and words. very.

so i just gotta see how things go about tmr. and wait for the final decision either tmr or saturday. either way, i'm prepared for the worst. but i think, i'll still cry when the sentence is passed. i'll need a shoulder to cry on if the worst is true. i know i will break down. those who know me well will know why.

fate played an evil trick on me. and showed me the reality of life.

argh. splitting headache since afternoon.

i feel lousy. extremely lousy. and sleepy. but there's american idol later. yawn.

headache.

whine.

i feel like whining to people.

sigh.

happy and disappointed. at the same time.

happy

happy that ruoling gave me a bible to start me reading. i hope i can understand some of it. i hope. but i wonder what my mum will say. i'm not converting. yet. i'm just interested in reading the bible. that's all. i think my mum will flip.

disappointed

disappointed by what mrs wong told me today. untrained teacher teaching geo posted to hillgrove. the p is contemplating between me and the untrained teacher. in short the ugt. ah please take me. i've already started working on my lessons and planning the exam paper. in fact i've gotten ready the percentage of what to set done liaoz. and im starting on the mcqs. and looking for maps for the basic techniques and mapreading. please dont tell me you dont want me. mrs yeow is just worried that i'll leave like kailyn and rita. i cant tell her kailyn left because of the bio lab research and rita left because of better offering from boon lay sec right? guaranteed i wont leave. but she'll never know. and i think she'll prolly choose the ugt. after all, that person IS an untrained teacher from NIE. unlike me, just one of those Alevel grads who dint get perfect score of 4As for Alevels. she must think i'm dumb or sth. what the hell.

i dont care la. i'm still going to do my lesson plans and transparencies, and visit the geo work room tmr to gather more materials. and plan my exam paper as well. if she really chooses the ugt, then i'll just give him/her whatever i did. and i'd prolly be out of a job. cos i have no idea if i would still stay in the front office. ah sigh. if she chooses me, then i'll be very happy. but i guess, she wont give a damn to how much i want to teach and the past 3 months i've worked with the school. mrs wong wants me, that i know, cos she likes the way i work. but what is mrs wong to the p? the p's word is final. what a disaster. everything seemed to go smoothly and something just had to disrupt it. as usual.

as usual. i shouldnt expect too much. i always fall with a loud thud. always. without fail. how interesting.

just read yuan's blog. and she said she found lenith's blog. and he was talking about first three months. how he enjoyed being in a class so united and bonded.

extract: (yuan i copied this from yours k? hee.)
-friendship-
it just never fails to amaze me how fast things change. whether friendships are meant to last. recalling those instances when a perfectly normal friendship is destroyed by sudden and unexpected turns in the other party's attitude. esp last year's case. now i've totally lost contact with my 1st 3 month class. and for me. the reason is simple. cos of a friendship that turned sour. which was quite a pity. cos it was the first class that i've been in that is so united. everyone is part of the class gang. other than one or two exceptions. now i don't even say hello when we pass by.

perhaps they blame me for the split of the class. for the death of the class spirit we were so proud of. but it wasn't really my fault was it. someone please tell me it isn't. she did promise me we'll stay as good friends and nothing more. she broke her promise. and the class as well. i'm sorry.

yuan even if lenith was refering to you, dont feel bad about it. the surroundings change and situations change. people changed. he seemed to have changed. i think. you might have changed but i dont see any difference. hee. but what i'm trying to say, is that nobody can be blamed for the "death" of the class spirit. because there wasnt any death in the first place. to him, maybe. but not to me. class spirit of 02S36 still remains strong in my heart. even though we're everywhere now. even though we dont keep in touch with some. but most of us are still around, keeping in occasional contact. which i think, is good enough already. better than giving up entirely. by putting the blame on you entirely aint right. because the friendship dint turn sour. i guess it just faded away. that is from my perspective of course. i dont blame him for the class split. it's a choice made entirely by oneself and naturally people would think about themselves before the class. it's entirely natural. i understand. like how i understood why vivian wanted to go. and others have tried. i guess ultimately life's like that.

the good memories are here to stay and let us put all our differences behind us once and for all. if there are any.

by right i "picked up a knight" in the wee hours of this morning.

by left i only slept for 3.5 hours this morning.

by up i'm a happy little princess now.

by down. i dont see what can keep me down now.

hee.

i'm very pissed now. very very pissed. i simply hate it when people dua me last minute. say so earlier la, so that i can make plans ahead of time. if venus dint call me to tell me and make arrangmements i prolly wont have known. thanks so much ah.

sheesh.

oops. just realised there was a BIG miscommunication problem. VENUS LEE! hahaha. but still, me eileen and chiobu? i'll be like a big light bulb there la. but i cant expect myself telling eileen that chiobu cant come along right? i mean, i do know him too. so er. now what? luckily my "qi" xiao de kuai. hahaha.

what the heck. i'll just meet venus at 1230 tmr. i am so not going to be a light bulb. so there. eileen, enjoy yourself. =) *grin*

been out for the whole day today. quite tired la, especially with the amount of walking i did at night around the suntec area. hee. hahaha. very amused. and touched at the same time i guess. he's just. so nice. and sweet. feeling a little guilty now. sheesh. but i really had a wonderful night, even when we missed the movie. hee. oops. but i had a great time just talking. yeah. think now i know the suntec area inside out, after walking around it for almost half an hour i think. walked from suntec to millenia walk and to marina and back to suntec again and to citilink and back home. and the ridiculous stuff that happened la. *grin*

went for NUS open house in the morning. abit boring la. like the talks were useless and me and ruoling ended lugging one big bagful of brochures home. met jingwen and kahsuan along the way. had quite abit of fun with them. especially how jingwen was "torturing" kah suan along the way. had lunch with them as well. then i went for meeting at bukit ho swee.. forgot to show daphne the photos of vnet camp today buti reckon there should be other chances for me to show her. hee.

for once meeting was productive. but people were late as usual. and only 6 volunteers turned up. well. as usual. so we realise that we need more commitment. and volunteers. so anybody interested in volunteering, feel free to email me or drop me a msg. yep.

whee! i feel soooo hyped up today.. cos i'm gonna be a teacher soon.. my goodness, i feel energised when i start thinking about becoming a teacher.. it's becoming a reality! as teachers start passing me information with regards to english and geo i get more and more hyped up.. like i went for the humanities meeting today and i think i was the only one who enjoyed the meeting cos i just had to sit and listen *gringrin* and i'm setting the sec two express geo paper!! ah. imagine, 200 students doing MY geog paper for mid year! hee.. but i'll be marking all 200 scripts that's the problem though.. and i still have prolly 80 compos to mark as well.. or would it be compres? sheesh la.. but on the avg each teacher marking about 7-8 classes so i'm considered the norm i guess... yeah..

i am so excited. seriously. but i think i'm in for some busy time. but i'm still free to go out. i think. still. anybody going to volunteer help me mark the mid year papers? maybe the geog mcq la. anybody? *grin*

finally i sit in front of my comp for a proper entry. just developed my photos for ocs comissioning/stj/vnet camp. gotta say some photos werent taken very nicely but all in all i guess it was still passable. yep.

elvin looks better when he smiles. hahaha. and mok still looks as good in his uniform. my kor wat. hahaha. just a pity i dint get to see haojie on that day. and my sis commented jordan was good looking. ( to eileen reading this: YUCKS! ) heh. he's o.k. la.

my stj photo with roo was shaky. wonder who was holding my camera. my class photo also!! ahhh sigh. not that the whole class was there but still. you get the idea. in fact my jts photos were the worst taken photos in the whole album. either too shaky or people not looking at the camera. we all get the idea.

vnet camp!! there's one photo of us before the camp (when we were all wide and awake) and the rest all at the end of the camp itself. daphne is soo chio. at least i think she is. hahaha. and haris's bike is so cool.. but a pity the picture i took with daphne on his bike dint come out. ah sigh. rick is very photogenic and i just realised stuart has a very big grin.. aundre was "sleeping" when we took the photo la.. and finally there was the les anges bleu with our certs and photos at the banner again.. whine. now i want my camp video!!! still can see the bruises on my right thigh which i inflicted on myself during camp. all thanks to dumdumdeedee and the song eng soon made us sing. first time ever i had bruises due to slapping my thigh. but i wasnt the only one to be like that. aundre got them too. hahaha.

yawn. feeling quite tired now. julie took leave today to go take her new house keys so i was the only person in the office. which was a nice change for a while and there was suddenly so much stuff to do. plus the fact that i was quite distracted for the whole day for a particular reason. but i still managed to get my work done in all. yeah. and finished two pieces of dark choc by myself. yes i started eating the dark choc yanlian gave me for her farewell.

yawn. i'm tired. and confused. so tired.

i'm freaked.
i was checking my junk mail and i saw an email from a familar email add.
it was an email with a virus attachment.
the email was juz_@hotmail.com

familar email add. to those who know.
i double checked it with my contact book.
it was exactly the same.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

i'm home! *grin* and i'm on a very hyper mood. very very hyper. i miss my computer, miss my blog and my icq. but i LURVED every minute of volunteer networking camp over the past 30 hours. loved every single minute of it. never felt this relieved and HAPPY since a long long long time. wow. maybe because results came out right before the camp. that might help a little. *grin* v-net camp (in short for volunteers networking camp..) was wonderful. loved meeting new people from all walks of life, dedicating some part of their lifes to doing community service. this goes to show that having "no time" to do community service as an excuse doesnt stand. absolutely not. i'm amazed at how the camp comittee can take out so much time to plan the camp and volunteer and work as well. wow. time management. i wanna be like them.

les anges bleu rocks. that stands for blue angels in french. i belong to the BLUE team. lalala. and that's our group name. it consists of me (-duh-), daphne, aundre, stuart, sharon and harris. i'll describe them one by one. pardon me. haha. daphne is me bestest buddy in camp. she's only one year older than me and was from vj, cedar. currently doing NUS life science, she's in the community service club and currently volunteering at chen mei lan children's home. yep, and we stick together like glue because of our similar age group and us being girls. *grin* aundre is one heck of a nice cute guy *grin* who's 22 this year, studying at SIM. he's volunteering at I-connect student care which is located in first toa payoh primary school and one of the founders of rotaract club of singapore (city), which is also under rotary club of singapore (think hwa chong interact and jimmy ooi) *grin* next we have harris, who's in the SARS force (damn cool..) and volunteering at SINDA, a FSC just like bukit ho swee. and we have stuart who's a fireman ( damn cool... ) and volunteering at moral home for the aged sick together with sharon. me daphne and aundre belong to the youth side of anges bleu and haris stuart sharon are the more adult people.. yeah. so much for the introduction so that i can remember them as clearly as possible. but we're going to meet again anyway. haha.

lemme start all the way from the minute i stepped into NCSS on saturday at 1.10pm to register.

stepped in and registered with rimei and eng soon. then plonked myself beside wendy and cleo. cleo was busy talking to rick and i dint know them at that point of time so i turned and talked to wendy instead. she volunteers at moral home for the aged too! haha. and we were talking to eeling as well, daphne's good friend in NUS. i dint know daphne at that point in time la. and so when we made our way up the bus, i felt kinda lonely, cos i was the only one from beyond social services and i dint know anybody when everybody seemed to know everybody (until i came to know that they ALL volunteer at moral home for the aged sick *grin*). yep. and cleo came up the bus and plonked down along the aisle from me. and eng soon went "please sit beside somebody not from your VWO and somebody whom you dont know". so as rick came up the bus, cleo was like "rick you sit there la (pointing at the seat next to me) so that i can still talk to you.." so the usual of introducing each other again. rick is 30, an accountant and volunteers at yishun student care, just like cleo. and cleo is one year younger than me! (oops. all participants were supposed to be above 18 but she was 17 going on 18 ) so we chit chated along the way to camp christine with tat leong who's a msian and has a weird pronounciation but he's a very nice person..

after we reached camp christine, we were separated into our groups and from there the fun began.. lalala.

DAY ONE:
1530 - 1615
ICEBREAKERS
we played ice breakers as a whole because our camp wasnt very big to begin with. so we played the usual stuff like blow wind blow, earthquake just for ice breakers. abit boring la considering we dint quite know anybody and everybody were just playing for the sake of playing lor. yeah.

1615 1700
TEAMBUILDING 1/PHOTO TAKING
teambuilding was fun! we were playing against each other in our groups and it turned out to be quite exciting.. red and blue teams were always at loggerheads, often arguing and teasing each other. *grin* blame it on aundre and rico. something seriously wrong with the both of them. hahaha. alot of games on trust and team spirit were inculcated into the games and we really got to know our teammates well. poor stuart had to guide all of us who were blindfolded using our feet while he turned the sheet over. we still came in second in the end. *grin*

1700 - 1815
messy schedule. we were supposed to be planning for games but somehow we ended up having project discussion instead. rightfully, each team was supposed to come up with a post camp project for all of us to be involved in and it should be something of low cost, yet interactive and involves networking between agencies. so our team was quite stumped initially. soon tian and wei ming came to join us though they were in the camp comm cos they "belong" to the blue team. not bad sia, chairman of vnet camp comn in blue team. woohoo. we spent time introducing ourselves properly and letting weiming and soon tian knowing more about us. heh. when i was talking about wsg, weiming got abit blur cos he thought i was a staff there as i was going on and on about restructuring the whole program. which is true to a certain extent since we're having a meeting this coming sat to discuss about having a proper structure for the children. yeah. so we were brainstorming and everybody threw out ideas. for no reason i became the secretary of the group. silly funny innovative and sweet one. like makan sessions/kelongs/fire station/squirrel hunting (that came out only because me and daphne happened to see a squirrel pass by and aundre said hunting at the same time *grin*). and then we went for dinner. the first group to go for dinner cos we were damn hungry. pigs aint we? haha.

1815 - 1900
DINNER
had dinner together as a team. me and daphne decided to be nice gurls and took drinks for the whole team. aundre was vaguely amused for no particular reason. harris started eating first and sharon and stuart joined us soon after. me daphne and aundre started a bet on how many servings eng soon would go for (due to his size "x) and we all lost cos there was only enough food left for eng soon to take one serving. aw.

1900 - 2015
POST CAMP PROJECT DISCUSSION 2
we continued our discussion and after a few rounds of voting we decided to have a visit to the fire station (courtesy of connections from stuart "P ) and combined with a miniconcert by children from 5 children organisations for an elderly home. yeps. so we firmed up details like our objective, budget and plan outline. and why people should choose our project. so we happily chatted away talking about our project and me filling in the form while stuart was copying it onto the paper for presentation and aundre was there talking nonsense. as usual. while daphne was dictating to stuart. somehow sharon and harris faded away. oops.

2015 - 2130
POST CAMP PORJECT PRESENTATION
the period of time when me aundre daphne started to get sleepy and bitchy. oops. cant help it if we notice that OJ was trying to have the last word everytime somebody poses a question to the red team right. hee. cleo and people have a wonderful red team, with the exception of OJ. he's really the pits la. seriously. i was msging at the point of time cos the presenters were actually quite boring and honestly inclusive of stuart. we should have sent aundre the loudspeaker out, but he's right in getting the more quiet ones to go out and present our wonderful idea. daphne and aundre were seriously quite zoned out because of their lack of cafeine. the two of them were whining (seriously whining..) for their kohii and expresso.. haha. while i stayed awake by msging. thanks sam. *grin*

2130 - 2200
CAMPFIRE PREPARATION
eng soon brought us through the list of songs that we were going to sing and the actions included. and then sprung a surprise on us by telling us that we had to come up with an item to perform in front of everybody. ah. i dint know they would make us think so much. firstly the post camp project. then the game for the next day. now an item for campfire in just 15 minutes? we decided to do something simple and teach everybody the actions so that they could join in with us as well. so we did dumdumdeedee. thankfully me and aundre knew the song and actions so we just took a while to teach the rest of our group members. yeah. and the songs eng soon brought us through were honestly quite funny and cute. *grin*

2200 - 0010
CAMPFIRE
finally!!!! the long awaited moment of the night. campfire. soon tian did the opening ceremony and everybody started getting a little high. we saboed the red team to perform first and they did the donald duck item. like when cleo went "who's that?" and we'll have to go around quacking like donald ducks la. haha. quite funny. then the yellow team performed a short musical involving two guys as the male and female lead. yucks. the way desmond hugged fa chai we laughed till our stomachs ached la.
then we played games. the one which wanted a representative for the longest/strongest/etc "___________". yeah. so harris stuart and daphne went up to play. cos nothing seemed to be connected to me mah. then we sang a couple of songs and finally we, da blue team, performed! had fun teaching everybody dumdumdeedee and aundre came up with the sexy version of it. eh. okay. haha.. then the green team performed by telling jokes. quite funny seriously, but it was damn lame la. esp rick's jokes. hahaha.
then. here comes the horror. they wanted a guy and a girl from each team to come up and play a game. eh. the only people left who dint play games in our team were me aundre and sharon left. and sharon sure dint wanna go up and play (cos she adult embarrassed mah..) so me and aundre had no choice but to go up. we were expecting the worst la. something maluating or near to that extent. which was true. they gave us blindfolds and we were blindfolded. stood facing each other and for fear of losing each other (in the literal way) so we held hands. and then the camp comn was like "eh got people holding hands leh! go film!" and we dropped our hands immediately. haha. daphne told us later we werent the only pair holding hands. they started the music and commanded us to dance immediately. i was like "walau.." so just started to anyhow dance lor. then somebody guided me to aundre and we were like "what?" so aundre was like "okay you follow my lead yeah?" and we had a wild time dancing couple dance with him leading and boy oh boy, we did moves that were quite complicated and i was surprised that we could do it blindfolded.. hahaha. and all this while when we were doing the couple thing, they were filiming. the spotlight was damn hot la. then somebody guided me away from aundre and danced with me la. some camp comn person ( i only realised that it was eng soon when i watched the video today.. argh. ) la. then he made me dance with somebody else, only to realise he was desmond. he suggested doing slow dance (to a fast song?!?) and he led, again and spun me in so many circles after we stopped partnering i felt a little giddy. by this time it was into the third song and they dint let us off. somebody ( eng soon again!) danced with me and brought me back to aundre. being super high fellas, we felt so tired we just started jumping around in circles holding hands until they finally gave us the command to stop. when we took off our blindfolds, we were horrified to realise that there were only me aundre desmond and another girl left. 4 out of 8 left. the other 4 were taken off the dance floor by the comn members earlier. not fair. and eng soon was like "eh you 4 (refering to us remaining) sure can dance leh, go clubbing very often issit?" which resulted in wolfwhistles from everybody. walau. xiasuay like xiao la. but it was kinda fun to put it this way..
then we had the friendship dance and i partnered aundre (again?!?) initially. we both were like "spare us from dancing somemore.." haha. but it was fun being spun around in one circle and to return to aundre again, then we protested that we had went through one circle liaoz..
and then campfire ended soon after that. me and daphne felt sooo tired and dirty we dashed up to bathe first. what a nice shower. lalalala. then we wanted to look for the guys but they werent at the hall so me and daphne went to the guys' bunk to look for aundre stuart and harris. to bug them to come down asap. only to see aundre walk ing around without his top. hahaha. daphne shrieked cos she was right in fornt i turned and heard aundre gasp. *grin* apparently he hadnt bathed yet. hahaha. so after passing the msg we went down only to see a couple of guys on their way up and they gave us the "look" because we were at the guys's bunk. we just laughed our way out cos it was just soooo amusing to see their faces... hahahaha. so we met to dicuss games and talk crap until 3++ when the guys couldnt take it and the girls were quite tired so we all went to sleep. at 3.40am. *grin*

DAY TWO
0800 - 0830
RISE AND SHINE
i woke up at 5 once. because sam's msg woke me up since my hp was on vibration mode and it was right beside me. then i fell asleep and woke up at 7.50am. the exact same time as daphne. we were both on the higher bunks and we just looked at each other in a blur manner. hahaha. too groggy to speak. yawn.

0830 - 0900
BREAKFAST
washed up and went down for breakfast with daphne. apparently the guys were up. surprisingly. only to hear aundre complain that harris woke him up. oops. he dint quite sound happy about it. yeah. breakfast was just sit with team and eat breakfast in silence because everybody was quite stoned out and tired after yesterday's late night.

0900 - 1000
TEAMBUILDING
the most fun games played i guess. or maybe cos our team were quite on a winning streak. yeah. played games like entanglement, passing the (rotten) fruits ( some banana fruit went into my mouth la.. *yucks*) with our mouths, rolling the ball on the ramp (wah that was damn fun la cos we went onto the ramp everytime and binbin simply couldnt believe her eyes cos she had to add bonus marks to us..) and stepping on numbers together as a team (one where everybody had to hug tightly to each other.. "x)
but it was really fun. we bonded even more.

1000 - 1330
TRAINING
boring with the capital B. major stoning session for me and daphne while aundre fell asleep for a while. us three were sitting together at the back cos we were really tired and honestly these workshops dont work. at least that is what i feel. the first one was alright because it was applicable to volunteering but not the time management one at least. everything was quite fake la. so us three stoned and bitched about OJ cos he was interuppting at every other minute when it was darn obvious that the speakers were running out of time. what the hell. and aundre went on and on about wanting to cancel his DBS account cos OJ works at DBS. grin. no need to go through such an extent for one person right? and aundre kept kajiaoing me and daphne la just because he was bored. we became victims of his physical abuse *whine* haha.

1330 - 1400
LUNCH!
just lunch again with team. but this time round, aundre served me and dephne desserts cos we came down late from packing our stuff to book out of camp later. how sweet. and stuart was like why the girls have i dont have. grin. well. he wasnt the one suffering from physical abuse from aundre in the morning. grin.

1400 - 1600
GAMES!
games that we discussed yesterday night were finally put to use as each team organised a game for the remaining 3 teams to play. ours was fun, cos it involved no verbal communication and their team members had to act out the respective famous characters. i was writing their names on the muskin tape pasted on their back and i realised when i came to OJ, that he was "barbie". my goodness. i dragged daphne to see and she burst into peals of laughter. and when i pulled aundre by his sleeves to see, aundre nearly fell to the floor laughing. the camp comn people were simply sooo amused. grin. and we played the others teams games as well, earning rope burns and water bomb fights and plenty of "hugging" sessions when there were plenty of physical contact. oops.

1600-1730
FINALE!
everybody gathered in the multipurpose hall for the announcement of which project they would choose and which team won in the end. and soooooooo WE won both the post camp project and the best team in games and teambuilding! woohoo! and we spent time taking photos also.. sharon dint wanna bring home the food so me daphne and aundre were staring at the hamper incredulously. until when we were on the bus, we decided to share with everybody on the bus. grin. and peiling was asking for volunteers for post camp project committee right under our noses. we pretended to be ignorant until eng soon pointed out "eh peiling, the blue team is just right in front of you leh.." and when aundre was just beside her. grin. he tried to sneak away but me and daphne were like "oei, yao si yi qi si.." (meaning: if we die, you're gonna die with us.) so i guess i'll still see those two good buddies of mine in the coming future..

it's great to be around people with similar interests in community service and i'm convinced after this camp, that community service IS my calling. something that i'll love doing for life.

I LOVE BEING A VOLUNTEER!

blogging right before i go into camp later.. gonna miss my comp for the next 30 hours.. haha. though it's gonna be a short camp, i'm pretty sure i'll enjoy myself and learn lots from the fellow volunteers and people there.. yeah. the whole thing seems pretty fun and enjoyable.. just that there seems to be alot of discussions for the project we'll be doing with the VWOs after our camp... and presentations as well. yeah. but there's campfire tonight! whee. i guess this is once in a lifetime experience so i think i'll enjoy myself.. whee!

hahaha. i feel so relieved. simply so relieved. that everything is finally over. finally.

finally. everything over and done with. somehow i dont feel that different after the results came out. guess i was kinda expecting that grade. maybe a little worse than that so this result was okay for me i guess. disappointed with my gp though. i was expecting better. sighh.

and as expected, our batch of hwa chong students suck big time. but who cares? i dont, quite seriously. it's quite none of my business. if rj wanna be top jc again, they can have it.. it's tough trying to live up to the previous batches of academic achievements and the stress is not easy to live with. yeah, at least that was what i felt last year. at least now the j2s can easily beat our record this year. i think they can, cos they're the mugger batch.. haha.

plenty of people called and msged. roo. mok. sam. tim. weiliang. baoli. jason teo. in that order i think.. and goodness me, i got exactly the same results as jason teo after comparison. yucks. *grin* wondering if he's still headed for cornell this july.. if not i'll prolly see him around in NUS (if i go NUS that is..). really thank everybody for their care and concern la. and to those who msged the night before and today morning to wish me good luck for my results, thank you. though i have to say, with every good luck msg i got, i got more freaked out. or rather, nervous la. yeah. especially this morning. it was soo obvious. teachers were wishing me food luck and when i met students at westmall today while waiting for xinxin ( i still cant believe she made me wait for almost an hour ) they were like "hey got your results?" ahh. and henghwu jonathan and marvin had to come up to me just to tell me they just came out from swensens. goodness these kids are rich. spelt with the capital letter R.

wellll. everything is over now. gotta really start getting down to think about what im really going to do. and maybe try for some scholarships as well. though i know very well that i'm not going to get any. but if i dont try, roo and mok will prolly come after me if i dont try. yeah. *grin* two concerned souls trying to help me with my future.

thanks kor and mei. love ya guys. *hugs*

i'm online now but i dont feel like talking to anybody. nobody at all.

finally. i admit.

i freaked out. in the office today. nearly cried. and i tried not to tear. which i did successfully. but not without a reddish nose that suggested tearing. which led to mrs wong asking me if i was alright. oops.

feeling much better now. after talking to her. and i hope i dont think rubbish tonight. which is imposible. sigh. how not to? im dead certain i screwed up my papers. at least now i think i did. sighh. i need to talk to somebody. but who. good question. everybody will be so.. i dont know.

dont wanna go out tonight or tmr morning with my friends. i guess i need to be alone. before i get my results. consider me weird consider me nonsensical. but i guess i just need to be alone. meeting for lunch is alright with me but i dont wanna move my ass to east coast park just to roller blade. or even to JEC to ice skate. i wont be in the mood to enjoy what im doing. dont wanna watch big fish tonight. i wanna watch it some other time. just not tonight. sorry ruoling. i dont wanna go out for dinner tonight, though i know you most prolly can get to book out. sorry mok.

i'm still really quite scared. thankfully tim told me hwa chong does not post everybody's results on a board for the whole world to see. i'd rather just die in that case. or i wont even appear in school. just get somebody in class to msg me my results, and so that i can hide in my room and cry. seriously la. im so going to screw up.

everybody has different ideas of screwing up. kailyn's idea of screwing up is not getting 4As. my idea of screwing up is not getting AABB. and not hitting the average in hwa chong itelf. which seems pretty darn high. and that is the plain reason why i think i WILL screw up.

what the freaking hell la.

----time: 4.33pm-----

started blogging in school at the computer without internet access. meaning i'm typing this in Microsoft word and saving this in a disket. Will only copy and paste this into blogger when I reach home. By then time would be around 7plus in the evening. Pretty obvious how bored I am here right? *yawn* but I guess this is kinda like a diary entry to me, like what mok told me to do when I was complaining to him the other day about being bored to death at the office., according to him, I should try and look busy, which is what I am doing now. Unless of course, when molly asks me what on earth am I typing. Then of course I would have no answer for her.

Hee.

For once, my sentences look grammatically correct. Maybe because I have Microsoft word correcting every single sentence I type into the document. I wanted to use notepad to type just now but the sentence structure looked really weird because it would just continue on and on and on. Yeah. *yawn*

Had quite a fruitful day today. Wrong. Not fruitful but busy. Yeah, I guess I'd rather be busy than to rot my time away staring at empty space doing nothing. Maybe if yanlian was around, I don't mind staring at empty space twiddling my fingers because two of us would talk. With Julie, there's nothing much to talk about, I guess. Yeah. Maybe I'm a workaholic. Or maybe, I'm just plain bored that I need something to stay occupied. *yawn* bored. if i had something to do, i wont be blogging right now, right? sheesh. cant wait to reach home and bathe and eat and go online and watch tv, then go online again until 11plus 12, then go to my room read and listen to music and sleep at 1. to wake up tmr at 7 am again and repeat the whole cycle. it's a boring cycle.

auntie beng huat and fengyan just left. leaving me alone at the front counter. julie left at 4.30 already. yawn.

--------time: 5.05 pm-----------

yeah. i'm still blogging. watching sec ones run across the porch as they take up their positions to practise their mass dance for this coming Friday's official opening ceremony. and somebody just called to look for ms florence lee. anyway. looking at the sec ones practise their mass dance reminded me of rg mass dance. when i was teaching mass dance and learning mass dance myself. actually i cannot quite remember who taught me mass dance. i can only remember jingchun around, andrea i think. tammy came in when i started helping out in sec 2. and she wasnt around half the time, leaving jingchun to do the bulk of the work, and me being a pesky little kid by hanging around helping as well. but that was how i got to know my sec 2 hadlians mah. remember shouting at them, making bookmarks for them. and getting to know shiqin as a junior. wonderful girl she was. wonder how she's doing at nj now. last saw her at the carnival. yeah. and then i got saboed by my dear sec ones (when i was in sec two) to become asst house treasurer in sec three. so off i went helping christine in counting money. but i was still around to help teach mass dance. to MY psl sec ones. the dearest hadlian sec ones i know. partially because they were my psl sec ones mah. the song used was larger than life right? and that was when i got to know my dearest mei then. hee. see i still remember! haha. and after that, i became THE treasurer of hadley house. stress. ah. because i was the treasurer of peer support board as well. sheesh. the sheer amount of money passing through my fingers was scary, because there were alot of house funds collected because we changed house tee in 2001. plus the psb funds. if anybody tried prying open my locker in 2001 (which was locker no 717 at the top right corner outside class 403), they would have become rich. by thousands of dollars i think. haha. but nobody tried. a couple of people knew about the money. like fishball. but she had to know. cos she was the other treasurer in PSB mah. my topic has drifted from mass dance to treasury funds. great.

anyway.
i still miss mass dance loads. remember how i went back to rg when i was j1, saw them performing not up to standards and started scolding them. er. like when i was already out of rg? so paiseh. but i think i felt pissed at that point of time la. natural for me to do such a thing. ask roo. *grin* looking at the mass dance practises really brings back all the memories back in sec sch. sighh. and i'm already 18 going on 19. sheesh.

everybody in the office is addicted to lays potato chips. all thanks to irene. who supplies us with daily packets of lays everyday. *grin* the HODs bug her everyday about when she would be opening her packet of lays. haha, the PA boys came into the office today to test out the sound system again in preparation for Friday. and heng hwu was making funny faces at everybody la. and then he announced he was going to get drinks, so he asked everybody politely in the office if we wanted drinks. so i cheekily replied him, "if you treat la.." and that boy actually got me pokka peach tea. one bottle. not packet drink but bottled drink. dot. i was seriously shocked la. i really meant it as a joke, but he got me a bottle all the same. oops. will prolly get the boy something nice when i leave school at end may. yeah.

got a nice pink bottle from the school as a souvenir due to their school official ceremony. all students and staff get a bottle. colours in pink and blue. both are equally nice, but i think i prefer the pink one. so i kouped one. show you people some day when i have the chance. mr subash very smart. the bottle is the one which is quite in the craze now. yeah. and heng hwu is back in here creating havoc looking for his cd case now. yawn. and he left the office without the case. mr mustafa looks hassled and tired. his hair is in a mess. not that he has much hair left but the mess is significant enough to be seen. *grin* im not being mean here ah. just stating a fact. hee.

isnt it pretty obvious i have nothing much to say? and that im just plain crapping for the sake of blogging. yawn. but i enjoyed working today. for the first time in three days. and it's 10 minutes to knock off time. woohoo. meaning time now is 5.50pm. in 10 minutes i'll be on my way home. and i'll slip into the routine of tv and internet. oh there's american idol today. i sure hope the standards are comparable to group 3. group 3 was simply fantastic. *grin*

kay. i shall stop here for the time being.

------ end time: 5.51pm -----

------ time: 7.43pm -----------

i just reread what i typed above and im fully convinced that i was just so bored in the office from 4.30pm onwards. activities kinda died down after that. yeah. so here am i seated in front of the comp, finished my dinner and will be online until 8.30 when i surrender the comp to my parents when they start playing neopets until 10. prolly even later today since i'll be watching american idol from 10-11.

debating if i should go to work on friday morning. will my nerves get to me? i dont know. but roo is right. it should be a relief on that day because everything will be made known. which is true actually. it's quite hard to live in a world of suspense. especially when i know the date is just round the corner. hm. the day.

THE day.

yawn. somehow i dont feel the nerves yet. maybe i think im immune to it. or maybe im expecting myself to get ABCC. and a B3 for gp. seriously speaking. so what if im from hwachong? people can do badly there ma. example 1: me. example 2: me again. example 3: me again and again.
need i reiterate to get my point across?
obviously not. surprisingly, people still have the wrong idea that people who do fmaths are zai people. yawn. they're quite outdated seriously. all the smart ones are now doing triple science la, not double maths. haii.

shant dwell on alevels. what's done has been done 3 months ago. i've only got confidence in my practicals. which doesnt really help much. and everybody is complaining about practicals being screwed up. how utterly consoling. and i dint do one whole mechanics question in fmaths. question 5 i think. 8 marks out of 60 marks gone. and i could get careless along the way. what if the mark boundaries for fmaths is lifted because the people taking fmaths are bloody hell smart cos 70% are PRCs? ah what the hell. i'm freaking myself out. im expecting a B for fmaths. please please let me get at least a B. i'll be satisfied. im more worried about my sciences. what on earth was i thinking when i took double maths double science, especially physics and chem. like hello, i scored A2 for both physics and chem at Olevels la. haii. im starting to doubt my own GP. i might have written out of point for Alevels. bah. shouldnt have chosen that essay question, which i cannot quite remember what was it about. something along the lines of successful career and the nuclear family in singapore. i think. i cant quite remember. my memory is failing me.

a number of people are making me promise to call them when i get my results. im telling everybody who's reading this right now. if i dont call you, please dont call me. except for a few who know who they are. especially the one i'm arguing with right now, over the number of missed calls im allowed before she runs into the hall to look for me. guess who. *grin*

dint i say i shouldnt dwell on the subject? yawn. this is a very long entry i realise. but as usual. i like typing in front of the comp. and honestly reveureuse, im quite curious as to who you are. and how you came upon my blog. am i entertaining enough? *grin* i know i blog to inform, to rant and to express my "viewpoints" about certain issues. and sometimes, to plain entertain myself. as we all can see. grin.

i've run out of things to say. so. yeah.

at home now. as usual. blogging at the usual time. as usual. again. wasnt in a very good mood for today. which is not as usual. yawn.

blame it on:
1. boredness at the office.
2. the weather, for raining suddenly.
3. my fellow new colleague
4. rita's sudden decision to quit teaching
5. all of the above.

life is getting very boring at the office. nobody to talk to me. nobody to laugh with me. nobody to gossip with me. basically you get what i'm trying to say. yeah. as usual, i still miss yanlian's presence. wonder what is she doing at home now, sleeping and eating away, like what she said? hm. anyway, i have two presents from auntie beng huat and auntie chan, nicely packaged to be given to her. will prolly give it to her on friday when i see her in school for the results. remind me, somebody. or else it will slip my mind and i'll never be able to remember to pass her presents to her. yeah.

i hate it when it rains without warning. i know, i'm a sucker for rainy weather, when it's nice and cold and i can get to snuggle in bed and read my book and chill out to music, but not when i'm at the office, one hour away from knocking off. like hello, i wanna go home nice and dry la. i'm plain lazy at taking out my umbrella and the long distance i have to walk from the school to the bus stop to take 187 to go home, please, dont rain the next time round.i know i wont melt in the rain but like any normal sane soul who just knocked off, i dont wanna be a drenched chicken (read chinese = luo tang ji ) *grin* i'm trying me best to entertain myself.

thirdly. my fellow new temp is quite irritating. i told mok she's a pain in the ass. not initiative and even lazier than me. to think i'm lazy enough. i am lazy, i know. to think i spent all my time and effort and saliva teaching her the basic things to do in the office and she can happily wait for me to serve the crowd while she stares blankly into the crowd, presuming an air of innocence because she's new and doesnt know the simplest thing to do. please. you're old enough to be my mother. and being new doesnt give you the right not to answer phone calls. dont tell me i even have to teach you how to pick up the phone, and say the correct things? oh well. just wait till term 2 starts. then i'll be gone and you can do everything yourself. oops. too bad i guess.

i guess rita's decision was the ultimate that sent me into a really foul mood. she barely took over kailyn for 2 days and she told ms teo that she quit. partially because she has no confidence in teaching english, and also because she got another offer from elsewhere to teach geog and social studies. fine la. you can quit to your liking but what about the students? it sure doesnt help to dampen their morale by quitting after teaching them for 2 days lor. it's plain unfair to them. this decision not just affect the HOD and the relief teacher, it also affects the numerous classes that she is (or rather, was) teaching. like what the hell la. im not pissed about the part that i'll be all alone ( not that i was very close to her in the first place, unlike kailyn ) but pissed about the fact that she just quit without giving much thought to her students. i would like to say that if she has no confidence in teaching english, then she shouldnt even have taken up kailyn's offer in the first place. and to give ms teo more trouble right before the school official opening this friday, it's downright unfair to her la. the world does not plain revolve around you and no one else la. relief teachers out there who are thinking about quitting, please spare some thoughts to 1. your students. 2. your beloved HOD or teacher in charge of you. 3. the office admin who has to go into the system to painstakingly find a new relief teacher to take over you. and who might just quit in 2 days time again. just like the previous one. it's a viscous damned cycle, to put it simply. what the hell.

so everything accumulated itself and i became quite .. yeah. we all get the idea. usual me. i start thinking about everything anything and my mood worsens. as usual. wasnt even in the mood to pick up DUNE to read, just when im at the exciting part. sigh. was staring blankly at the rehearsal outside with the contingents marching past. practising their drills for the opening ceremony. reminds me when i was in redcross. the emphasis on footdrills and the lack of emphasis in first aid. how ironic. yeah. this shows how bored i am.

busy morning at work. i'm blogging while typing out the list of car plate licences for the HOD in charge. yawn. and a sudden surge in number of students going home due to illnesses. and the girl with sore eyes came in again. reminds me of the time when me and yanlian were talking about the high number of cases of sore eyes in this school. and when yanlian kena slight sore eyes at work. from the same girl. *grin* oops. i hope i dont get sore eyes from her as well. sheesh.

ze lin and ze ming fell sick together. one was feeling giddy while the other vomitted. sheesh. they will be the pair of brothers i'll remember at hillgrove. remember them because their father came in very often to appeal for ze ming to be transfered into this school during early january. and for their honest frank behaviour, and their naiveness and sweetness as a pair of brothers. i'll miss seeing them around i guess.

realised i'm growing quite attached to the school. to both the admin staff in the office and the teachers up at the staff room to the students that i see most often in the office. students like heng hwu. jeremy. zixiang (though that guy hasnt come in for quite some time). the two brothers. girls like izatti. hoang anh. and some that i recognise but dont remember their names. like the SAJB one. *grin* wouldnt it get worse when i start teaching? hm. and i was counting, whenever i set one assignment to a student, 80 compos/compres, 160 geo assignments and 40ss assignments will come in. i'll be in hell of a marking spree when that day comes. and imagine the exam scripts. *faints* anybody volunteering to help me mark? *grin* *kidding la*

ah freak. i dont understand why i keep getting icq messages from strangers asking to be friends. i dont state much on my icq profile. and for freaking goodness sake, these people are all 24 years old. i've got 2 such messages tonight. one from china (what the hell?!? i have enough of male PRCs..) and one from singapore. both born in the year of 1980. and the one from china is telling me he wants to make friends, but he doesnt understand much english and he wants to have a foreign friend. ah right. so how would you expect me to reply you? really ji tong ya jiang la. on icq at least. and that's the maximum contact i would want to have with a net friend la. please la. sheesh.

get away from me.

one day went by without MOE's announcement of the release of results. yawn. i was expecting the announcement to come out today. surprisingly it dint. so i think the announcement would be coming out on wednesday instead. which means results will be out on friday. yawn. how boring.

today felt like a weird day. maybe because yanlian wasnt around in the office. and sitting in her place was another person, julie. who's seriously old enough to be my mother. her daughters are both in their twenties and her eldest daughter is doing her practicum now while her youngest daughter is in uni. eh, i can be her youngest daughter. *grin* she's quite soft spoken, and seems very self-restrained. doesnt really talk much.

on the other hand, alot of people seemed quiet to me. cos i think im too chatty. oops. *grin* do i really talk that much? like today, because i couldnt stand the silence between the two of us, i kept greeting every single teacher that passed by. hee. mr caleb chua was prolly surprised that i greeted him. i cant quite imagine working with him in term 2. sheesh. quote unquote kailyn, "the fucking carebear". oops. mr bala's joke. anyway. i have no idea how news spreads about me moving up to teach in term 2. one cleaning uncle came to ask me if i was really going to teach and mr raja was like "hey weina next time you can teach me.." and ms lee chased him out of the office before he could finish his sentence. and both sure dint reveal their sources. and mrs bok looked amazingly surprised when she asked me why i dint take over kailyn, until i informed her i was taking over mr logan. haha. but i suppose i'll be quite happy to move up.. at least im already familar with the procedures and know where to get my stuff from. yeah. after staying for one term at the office. yawn.

life is getting seriously quite boring. yawn.

had something else in mind to blog about just now. but i forgot all about it as i was recreating the class blog before i went off to watch the channel U nine o'clock show.

oh check out the class blog. the cat and the dog look cute hugging each other. and as usual, i got the layout off blogskins. lazy ol' me. and i realise i still havent gotten down to making the class website. but what on earth can i put in there? pictures, pictures and more pictures? with a bit of data, and possibly a forum. but why would we need a forum when we already have a class blog already? not that many people blog at the class blog. unless you count me venus ruoling and xinxin many. that's only 4 people. yawn.

i realise im crapping alot. more than usual. maybe because i dont really quite know what else to say but my brain insists that my fingers move across the keyboard and type more crap than usual. ah sigh. fingers. stop. they refuse to stop. hey stop you guys stop. ah sigh. my brain is malfunctioning. o.k.a.y. maybe i should really stop.

stop.

somehow the clerks all find it amusing when i call the schools up to ask for their principal's car plate numbers. not that funny right? well, i'll need them for the school official opening ceremony this friday. hm. and half the time they leave me waiting on hold while they run out to the carpark/porch to look at the car plate number. yawn.