sleepy.

im trying so hard not to fall asleep. and my stomach is rumbling.


nobody online to talk to. whine.

tuesday.

seated in stats now. by the time i finish this post, lessons would have started and i would still be blogging/msning/playing msn checkers. mark my words. wahaha.


i wanna complain.. i hate econs. or rather, yesterday's econs lesson was info overload. i so wanna cry. or peng. whatever. nobody for me to whine to. he dint even call yesterday. much disappointed as i may be, i cant complain or say anything. whinewhinewhine. i still wanna complain. my arms ache [or at least the right side of my arm ache], my butt aches. all thanks to badminton on sunday. whine. i enjoyed the game thoroughly but i truly havent been 'enjoying' much of the side effects so far. my butt aches. whineeeee. but i still wanna play badminton on sundays.

----- distracted by the hordes of msn in class-----

damn funny, my 3 group mates and i aint listening in stats. we're happily msning away and about to play yahoo bridge since monopoly@games.com is down. oh wells. now we await jason's arrival before we have four people to play bridge. wahaha. so amusing. yea im self amusing myself. yawn. argh darn. i forgot what i wanna blog le. had so much thoughts whirling inside my mind just now early in the morning. but after tons of msning, i forgot what i wanted to say.. oh wells..


was talking to sijia on msn just now and we were talking about getting the whole class to go back for maf. do our typical stuff, eat mooncakes, play with sparklers, go do the massdances.. i miss massdancing!! wahhaa. i miss hwachong. ahh i remember. i miss my jc class. made the pictures of jc class into a screen saver [using the pictures] and i was looking at the pictures yesterday when it went into screensaver mode. how i'd wish it was back to jc time. i miss them loads. alotalot. oh wells. should go down to NUS engin to look for the girls one day. people like ruoling [ruoling!! i have yet to see your room!!], sijia eileen yanlian elsa. etc. i wanna see them. like what sijia was saying, i havent talked to them for ages. mm. oh wells.


i'd wish he would call again today. i wonder if he will. i hope. i wish.

phoncalls.

he doesnt seem to be calling. but i have no right to complain or whatsoever.



argh. maybe i shouldnt be thinking so much. if he aint calling, so be it. :(

monday blues.

time for the weekly ranting of monday blues during this period. waiting for him to call me. hmm. oh wells. just went out for lunch with dom at adams road hawker centre. ate the nasi lemak, wah the rice is damn nice la. yummy. im not surprised if i start going out for lunch on monday considering the long period of time i have. maybe its time to go back to coro for lunch, going yong chye and places like that. yeah. had a fun time eating out with him, talking about anything, everything. felt relaxed and enjoyed myself. but i got that poor guy into trouble by causing him to be late for work. sorry! :(

talked to him for a while just now. a while only. but it was really nice to hear his voice. really. hence im still waiting for him to call. have all emotions died down? i dont know. but all i know is that we can be just friends, nothing more. oh wells. live with it and move on in life. life in smu. somehow i foresee myself getting busy. how busy i dont know. com serve for child@st 11 starting as soon as proposals are approved, com serve at peicai during the sept hols for them [i.e. 4th week for me i think], and i just heard that 4th week got quiz for FA [first three chapters i think], committed myself to Asoc stuff cos alvan was asking for help and yea. projects coming along. i hope i still have time to meet up with friends and things like that. but stuff promised i will fulfil them, no worries about that. now i have to plan around my schedule.


and i should end this post le. supposed to be doing my discussion questions now for econs but i can barely get past the 2 second question. walau this work sucks man. if i ever said i might love econs, i take them all back. now. whine.

badminton.

whee. badminton today was fun fun and more fun! super fun. i cant stop myself. fun fun fun! plus its the first time in ages since i exercised. since the last gym session with kailyn which was ages ago. when i cant exactly remember. wahaha. making this a once-a-week thing on sunday noons and then we have lunch, and after that BRIDGE session. alright fine, lets make it a card session since fishball's forte is daidi and not bridge. wahaha. lets play asshole daidi too! =)


was thinking of walking to the sports stadium today when mummy convinced me to take the bus for two stops cos i am using the student concession so why not maximise it fully? alrighto. reached there right on time seeing wenyu and fishball walking in too. gab was slightly late due to his old hoarse priest who ended his church session late [at around 11 i think] and his church was in tampines. whoops. we were playing badminton at jurong east, which was near chinese garden mrt. heh. just realised the guys are doing all the travelling considering they live up north and we girls live just a mere 4 busstops apart. whee.


so we started playing first at the courts, with me and fishball vs wenyu initially. think ultimately fishball has the best badminton skills. mine was a little rusty and i have a tendency to not pay attention occasionally, hence i dint see the shuttlecock quite a number of times. after gab came along, we paired up against the couple [i.e. fishball and wenyu la. duh], and honestly the whole 1 hour was damn fun and funny. first we had the guys going into funny positions trying to save the shuttlecock and gab even did a matrix-back-bending act [was i the only one who noticed it considering we were on the same side of the court?]. wahaha. and wenyu tumbled over a couple of times just to save the shuttlecock. guys is this what BMT train you to do? as in, tumble over all the time? grin. me and fishball were usually plain lazy to move too far from our positions hence i couldnt [or rather, dint quite try] to save the ones that were on my side and near the net. in fact gab started this light-hit shuttlecock action that wenyu followed soon after, we had the guys right in front of the net hitting as light as possible trying to make the shuttlecock scrape past the net and avoid the racket of the opponent. lost? i hope not. teehee. yeah. and we played non stop for one hour. by the end of the session [or rather, nearing the end..] my shots were going all haywire. not quite paying attention. especially when people around us were playing like pros and we were just a bunch of amatuers playing for the heck of it. oh wells. the foursome beside us even "posed" before the shuttlecock was served. walau. pro la. but twas fun, playing badminton and having fun at the same time.


had lunch at kfc after that. used the coupon and the guys ate most of the food. it was funny to see fishball stopping wenyu from ordering another set of cheesefries that came one-for-one free. wahaha. damn funny. yeaps. and we talked during lunch. considering we were all from hwachong, conversation flowed easily. with the guys talking about army [and keeping the girls entertained at the same time] occasionally, and us gossipping about the relationships in hwachong, like who broke up blah blah blah, how a certain somebody dint deserve the presidents scholar [you know who i am talking about, and if sherwayne is reading this, too bad.] blah blah blah. pretty much interesting conversation topics. then went back to fishball's place to play cards. goodness. it was damn fun. dint know wenyu was a bridge fanatic too. and fishball was always the blur one. hee. damn funny. trying to trick fishball into thinking otherwise [fishball, did you realise i was always giving you weird looks, trying to bluff you? hee. oops.] yea and analysing our moves after that, with fishball still the blur one. wenyu left at about 4, while we continued playing asshole daidi. i was throned the president initially, and i sunk into being the asshole for the last two games. it was an afternoon of fun. really enjoyed myself. and i shall try to psycho gab into coming to smu two years later. so that i can "take care" him. like how i promised yanlian i would "look out" for lixiang. gab, do i sound ominous? grin.


glad for todays session. somehow i find myself getting to know gab better this year. for some weird reason or another. in the past two years in hwachong, somehow i couldnt talk to him easily, like how i can this year. i dont know. he seems alot easier to talk to now. really. really really glad that im getting to know him alot better. that two years together in exco dint go to waste, seeing that we're still keeping in touch.
read fishball's blog just now and saw her latest entry. really really touched that she sees me as one of her closest friends. really really very touched. girl, i want you to know that you're one of my closest friend too. somehow you're always there for me [be it proximity and emotionally and physically :) ] and i really really treasure that. truly. thanks *hugs* our friendship is going into the fifth year le. soon reaching six. and i hope it would continue forever. till our hair grow white [but the probabilty of me dying them black would be more likely. hee.]
remember when we were all in primary school, we would classify our friends into categories, like "special friends", "best friends", "close friends", "good friends", "just friends", "friends", "acquaintances" and "enemies".. somehow the guys would always end up in the "enemies" category, the guy whom you have a crush on would come under the "best/close/special/good friends" category.. and yeah, girl friends would be ranked accordingly. now i dont see the difference between best, close, special, good, just blah blah blah. if i were to rank now, there would be only three categories. "close", "friends", "acquaintances". close friends would be the ones whom i would confide my problems in, the first people to share in my happiness and sadness, be bugged by all my sms and phone calls, friends would be people whom i talk to pretty often, but they wont know first-hand information about me, cos i wont think of telling them immediately. and acquaintances are pure acquaintances. pretty much self explanatory. yeah. people under friends are far and many, under acquaintances even more. but i can list the close friends one. very easily.
people like: kailyn, junhui, xinxin, ruoling, fishball, joycet, wanyu, joycez, huiru, mok and tim. some of them i talk to more easily over the phone, some in person. some i prefer to talk to over sms or icq, people like wenhui. realised i rarely talk to him in person. hmm. he's a nice buddy to sms or icq with. more sms, since i dont catch him online nowadays. he's busy with somebody la. hopefully i can still maintain best buds status with him. cos he's someone whom i can talk to easily. i know. its nice to see gab and fishball remaining close friends. i would like that to happen to me too. hopefully he can be a close friend too. i hope. these people are always there when i need them to be there. and i appreciate all the efforts. to take in my tempers, my emotions, my tears, my happiness, my joy. i love you guys. thank you. *hugs*
one of the rare times i show my appreciation. *muacks*

mmm.

took me a while to figure why most of my mates aint online tonight. they are either at geekout at zouk, or out at padang, watching the zpop concert. was supposed to be at zpop with junhui and wanyu but i begged off it. i suppose i felt that after 3 whole days of playing ever since wed, i better get down to some proper mugging and im glad i did. finished off my stats assignment with a vegeance [it pissed me off yesterday when i couldnt load data analysis plus into my PC] by installing the cd into my laptop and doing my work from there, transferring it into my PC using my thumbdrive and printing it out from there. been mugging econs for the entire day. damn sian of it le. it may seem common sense but after reading four whole freaking chapters in the morning and afternoon, i'm bogged down with too many new terms that i cannot remember. and somehow in the midst of everything i managed to finish two novels. dammit, i feel proud of myself. wahaha.


but i gotta admit that i was kinda moody the entire day. as in. i cant deny the fact that i was thinking about him today. missing the times we once spent together. the times when we went a-walking down the nice scenic places. the times when we went to eat good food. the times we caught movies together. the times we spent quality time talking about everything under the sun. the times when we were at the library and borders [face it teo wei na. where can i find another book crazed idiot like me, only a guy version.] reading and sourcing out books, for me to borrow and for him to buy. the times we spent on the phone talking about nothing and everything. oh wells. missing everything.
but i have moved on. slowly. it doesnt ache anymore when i think back on such memories. only sweet memories float pass in my mind and today happened to be one of the days. somehow i figured its better to let go. and let love come to me. whenever wherever. wenhui said yest that i would have to do my homework to 'hint' to people to court me. ooh paiseh but im the passive sort. you want, you come. if not, forget it. im not the type to flirt or drop hints like mad. maybe cos i dont wanna embarrass myself by sending out the wrong signals. i've always been like this. if nobody comes along, then i'll just remain a bachelorette [what a nice name used in reality shows nowadays] for my life. thats me for you.


blogger ate up my post this afternoon. which is a blessing in disguise because that post was a moody one. i wasnt in the best of moods this afternoon. in fact i realised im always a little grouchy in the afternoons. especially weekend afternoons if im at home. maybe the loneliness is getting to me. hum. oh wells. looking forward to tmr's noon badminton session with fishball [my favourite fishball of all time, just that this one is inedible and very bouncy and smart. acks] wenyu gab. im supposed to bring my own racket whilst fishball bring for wenyu. *jealous* wahaha. but who am i to complain? grin. i hope tmr can play cards too, since there's four of us. wonder if this is the first time gab is seeing wenyu. mmm. anyway. my mum thinks this is a good activity and we should make it a permanent fixture. which i dont mind, meaning i'll get to see two of my buddies [i.e. fishball and gab. i dont exactly know wenyu la yea? and fishball calls him hoho. wahaha.] on a constant basis. isnt that nice? i think so too. aside from our comn serve dates when we see each other, we can catch up more often. whee. lalala. considering i need the company too. oh wells.

did i mention i dont really feel entirely comfortable in smu right now? initially i chose smu for the environment and now im not sure if i made the right choice. i know im somebody who needs someone to cling onto, a close friend. but sadly i dont seem to find anybody whom i can click with so far. acquaintances and casual friends are far and many, but close friends? so far none. i dont know. *shrugs* i feel left out and lonely. given my past week emotions, maybe i might feel a tad worse. but still. oh wells. somehow i just dont feel as though i fit in. in fact i feel like a loner. hmm. or maybe i am a loner already. hmm. ponders. ponder ponder ponder. im not the only one who feels this way. im sure there are others who feel the same way too. some in my LTB group. yuan [right?]. joycez i not sure, cos that girl may be too carried away looking at shuai-ges all around her, hence enjoying herself. but from her blog it sure doesnt sound like it. oh wells. since we are here we just gotta make the best out of things. and network. network network network. goodness i sound as though im trying to convince myself.
somebody helppp me. whine.

saturday.

saturday noon. and im in front of the computer. sian of course, after staring at the econs text for the whole moring. after looking forward to the weekend, i realise i have nothing to do during the weekend. except for maybe tmr's badminton cum cards session with fishball, wenyu and gab at JE sports complex. it should be fun :) and i finally get to play cards again. after a loooong while.



met and talked to him for a while yesterday outside LT 29. life for him is still as terrible, with his mum harping on the entire issue. feeling a tad guilty about him being deprived of his handphone, net connection at home, POSB card la-di-dah. wenhui mentioned something to the extent of it wasnt my fault. but i cant help but feel guilty. oh wells. but yesterday did seem like the proper closure to the entire thing. i mean, i still miss him from time to time, about the times we've once shared, and the things we'd once done together, watching movies, eating [and nonstop for that matter], walking around simlim looking at computer gadgets, hanging out at borders and the library [that would be one i'll miss terribly. who would go to the library and bookshops with me? who would be another book crazed idiot like me?]. simply things like walking around orch, shopping for my crumpler bag etc. plenty of memories that can only be stored in my memory. oh wells. let go and move on as friends. but i do wonder, if his mum would come running after me with a chopper even if we still remain as friends. ponders.



nothing to look forward to next week. wondering if its worth a visit back to hwachong and rgs on the eve of teachers day. i wonder. but i end school at 130 on tuesday. i wonder what time wanyu joycet and yuyuan end school. junhui and joycez should be free. wonder if xinxin ruoling venus eileen sijia elsa yanlian coming back to hwachong. i wonder. i need company but i should be seeking company in smu and not nus or ntu. i know and i have mentioned before that i cannot be running to nus or ntu on a weekly or fortnightly basis. everybody leads their own life now and i should too. mentioned to some people that it seems hard to forge friendships in smu like in hwachong or rg. everything seems so -superficial- and fake. sometimes i wonder if i had made the right choice in coming here. not that i have a passion for accounting. seriously. not that i have a passion in reading the money section of the straits times [which is what prof gan encourages people to do]. in fact i still keep that section nowadays. i came here because i thought i would love the environment here. i thought i would. i really thought i would. but now when i look at where i am, do i really? do i feel entirely comfortable in this environment? sadly, the answer is that i dont. i dont feel comfortable, i dont really like where i am. but i cant do anything about it. really, i cant. nowadays i drift around, feeling lost and lonely. nothing to occupy my time. nobody close enough for me to whine to, to consult in. sometimes, i really miss his company in times of despair. do i really have to live through this for the next four years? alone and drifting? i dont know. *shrugs* and sometimes, i cant be bothered to do anything to improve the situation. you see, im a passive person. or rather, i have never been proactive. ever since this year. since being proactive for the past 6 years in sec sch and jc has caused plenty of upsetness, why bother to be proactive? might as well stay passive and let things come my way.

oh wells. its kinda apparent that i dont feel too fine today. but you know something? somehow i dont quite give a damn.

not supposed to be doing this.

hem. i aint supposed to be blogging now. cos im supposed to be in stats class. but those who have been reading or catching up with my life will know that i dont quite pay attention in stats class, for obvious reasons. yawn. im sleepy. slept around midnight yesterday and woke up at 6am. looks like im returning to the old habit of sleeping six hours a day which is considerably alot i think. hmm. junhui is right beside me, at first doodling in my notebook, now knitting her hat away. i admire her patience for knitting cos i know i wont have the patience to sit down and knit. wahaha.


kk gotta go play checkers with jason le. in stats class. whee.

mamma mia.

anybody wanna watch the famous mamma mia at the esplanade on 031004 afternoon, a sunday with me? im entitled to purchase 2 tix on smu students price @ $58. i wonder who would be interested. sms me k? :)








you can never stop loving or caring for a person. you simply cannot. true feelings will never fade.

damn shacked.

whoa im like damn shacked now. yawn.
school is a good distraction. yea a very good one.
such that i think im starting to feel busy? but not busy with hmwk or sch wrk. more like busy with social appointments. i know i should not be keeping this up but i need to keep myself occupied mah. had LTB this morning and meeting for LTB immediately after that for 3 straight hours. brain d.e.a.d. yawn. yea i realise im starting to have a little more fun le. yea. and then after that met junhui to watch spidey @imax GV grand. its a nice place to be at, great world city, cos there's very little people there and IMAX was good. as in i enjoyed spidey alot more this time round, as compared to the last time i watched spidey.. we spent some time catching up with each other and just talked la. told her the exact details of the break up since she wanted to know but dint wanna ask initially. yea. oh wells. still trying to get used to a single life. hum. :( anyway. yesh lets not dwell on that topic. i still feel weird. -literally drags myself away from THAT topic-


still considering if i should join the OG for the bourne supremacy on fri night. since im no longer attached (hey we aint supposed to be talking about this teo weina) i need people to watch with me mah.. and since the og is watching.. hee. so far marvin, dawn [tan], shupin, joseph, CLINT [woohoo clint?!?!] are watching, plus i-dont-know how weizhong got dragged into hiagen diaz, i feel like going. but as usual cant stay out late la. prolly watch le then zao. damn. when alvan is coming down after that to eat supper. i cannot eat supper le. need to lose weight. hum. :( i need time to chill out at home. read my materials and DO homework. yea i finally have stats homework. from the textbook which is only due on 100904. which is pretty long away but i shant be lazy. and econs project presentation is due on 081104. which is damn long later. AND LTB is due somewhere around that time too. AND i-dont-know when FA project is due. ARGH. fine i better shut up. sudden inflow of projects abit stressful sia. sighh. i have this feeling that life down the road will constitute of project meetings meetings and more meetings. plus i havent joined any CCA officially. yet. not counting the fact that i am automatically an Asoc member. [psst i aint going down for GM. how can SR 15 take in ALL acct people? although i know alvan would be in main comn la. congrats anyway. not that he would see this.] plus i suppose im joining rotaract. oh wells. maybe i'll just lie low for a while.


tiredddddddd.

happy. :)

happy today.
for some strange reason or other. school passed very quickly today. maybe because i was msning through stats (as usual), listening intently plus the occasional chatting with yixin and gary during financial accounting and forming groups for our FA project. time just flew. just like that. felt happy suddenly.


then i went back to hwa chong. to visit the notorious roo. wahaha. the buildings still remain, the warmth can still be felt [or was it the hot sun that was doing the trick?]. some familar faces here and there. people like chris henry [as usual we crapped again..], juniors, grand juniors. and i saw somebody dear whom i havent seen for a LONG time. RUTH!!! talked to her at the 33 class bench and it brought back alot of sweet memories. alot of sweet memories. somehow she's another one whom i've never really been that close to, but somehow we just click. like ramnik and huiling. the 34 girls. i love them too. :) yeah. talked to ruth about my current situation in smu now and she understands entirely. guess the hwa chong far-mily spirit is hard to replicate.


cannot imagine hwa chong junior college as hwa chong institution. sounds like a mental institution. doesnt it? nothing towrds raffles instituion ah. but seriously. i dont want the public to view HCJC as a mental institution. i want it as my HCJC. hwa chong junior college. sign the petition. not that i think it would really help, cos online things are never reliable. hence me and chris were actually talking about starting a paper one. as in a collection of signatures, which makes it more verifiable too. if there are people willing to start it in school i dont mind starting to help collect the signatures in smu. and help pass it over to NUS and NTU. and get the older generations too. but how. oh wells. the official hwa chong yahhogroups are discussing about it quite abit apparently. hrm.
i want my hcjc back. i dont want a HCI. cos it seems so distant and faraway to me.

econs.

everybody in class looks stoned now.
i wonder who is paying attention.

in school.

currently in school right now waiting for time to pass before my econs class which is at 330pm. in the library to be more exact. hum. not exactly alone but feeling alone. how i'd wish yuan or joyce or huiling was with me. gary went to configure his laptop le, and weizhong is nowhere to be seen when he was suppose to join us for econs project discussion after his LTB project discussion. oh wells. projects are coming in slowly. one by one. econs and LTB given. of which, LTB is the xiong one. and FA coming right up. comn studies we are assigned groups again. oh wells. and there's no project for stats. good. i dont think i can take the pressure of handling 4 projects at a time. scary sia. and we went nowhere with our project discussion just now cos we have no idea how to approach the topic. i want company. kk i better dont get too hung up on that issue. had a chat with dominic just now, before econs project, and he's a nice guy to chat with. somebody more along my wavelength. easier to talk to slightly. as compared to the people i know so far. tired. i dint know making new friends in a whole new environment was such a tough job. now i appreciate my close friends, ruoling xinxin venus eileen sijia yanlian elsa [jc], joycet joycez wanyu junhui and the biggest fishball i know [rg], my xiaomei huiru and of course the most dua pai one, kailyn who has been my best bud for 13 years!! i love them all. and of course the guy friends like mok tim wenhui and yes even him, sam, whom i can talk to easily and whine at. thanks people. thanks for standing by me all these while, when i threw my tantrums, when i was upset, when i was happy. yea. glad that i had you guys around, to share in my sorrows and happiness.. i love you all. and i miss you guys. terribly.



but like what ruoling has been talking about, life has to go on. go on in such a way that even after we broke up we can still remain as friends [i hope.]. go on in such a way that junhui is flying to warwick soon, and so would mok [remind me to give mok jun's email so that they can look after each other when they are there. and get me my british christmas presents!! yea i know im ego.]. go on in such a way that i shouldnt be crashing NUS and NTU so often cos they have their own lives there. oh wells. everybody is moving on when im still stuck here. where's my proper closure? or would there be no closure at all? whine. as a matter of fact i was whining to dominic just now. oops. sorry dom. yea but pardon me la even when i start whining in my blog. yeah. cos i have nobody to whine to le. whine whine whine. whine whine whine again. oh wells.



expect more nonsense from me on monday. during my 3.5 hour break. i'll be blogging crap and rubbish. when im not mugging my ass off. whine.

i wonder.

i wonder.
when this entire saga will end. or rather, it has already ended. and im just waiting for my feelings to subside. hopefully school can be a good distraction. plus the occasional meetings i have with my friends. like im meeting jun on wed and fri. wed to watch spidey2 at imax (GV grand). and fri im crashing NUS med again. together with jun. i know i will see him there. considering two options. 1. ignore him. 2. talk to him as a friend. im confident of myself of talking to him as a friend. but do i want to. after the stuff that i've been hearing after the break up. or should i go with my initial judgement and what i know of him. though one undeniable fact is that we can talk easily. [or else why would we have gotten together in the first place?] but after putting bits and pieces of information together with roo, he sounds like a total jerk. maybe he has been feeding me lies all along. i dont know. *shrugs* by right i shouldnt be giving a damn now. but somehow im just curious. who has been getting the true side of the story? or have we been fed half truths? it's scary to realise that i may no longer be able to trust him, even as a friend. i wonder what he might make out of this relationship. i truly dont understand. for his own ego or what? i really dont understand. i seek to understand the truth, but should i? would it affect me again, or would i be nonchalant to his answers, cos they may still not be the truths.
im confused. ehh urgh.
i dont know.
but im fine le i think. yeaps.



sunshine finally peeking through the clouds. :)

sunday afternoon.

bored. sian. tired.
thinking. think think think.







-tried to chase the dark clouds away desperately but failed-



in fact it rained in the morning today.
at the usual time between 0930 to 1000.
i was the only one who saw the rain.
and dark clouds lingered around after the rain.
refusing to let the sunshine filter through.

something from kor's blog.

kor, i koped this from your blog.. and i acknowledge that you wrote everything below. heh. hope you dont mind yeah. cos i agree emphatically with some parts. yea.

"I wonder, what give the impetus? What is the spark? How does it progress? is it like the Big Bang where after some random reaction of nothingness BANG! and the two are now 15 billion light years apart? Or is it like siamese twins, inseparable at first but after a gruelling surgery the the pair are now individuals. And even then the result of the two different type of separations is quite different too! In the former, the feeling is totally cut, the two hardly meet, like the rare alignment of all the planets in the solar system and when they do, the encounter is brief and somewhat tension filled if not then it is just an empty brushing of shoulders. The latter is somewhat more sentimental. The two still keep in touch, the separation is painful at first but somewhat more amiable. Eventually separate routes will be taken but both will have important roles in the other."


"In the beginning, there's the "I love you's" etc and the mushy letter. THe lovey dovey commitments to fly to the moon and back and all that stuff. But if a pair were to break up, then does that mean for all that time that they were together, everything was a lie? That there were just masquerading and then finally got tired of it?"


"Were we kidding ourselves right from the start? For me i think that lying to another person about your feelings is possibly not as bad as lying to yourself! For all that you would invest into that relationship, all that you sacrificed, and to finally realise that it was all one big show, a play that went not according to script. I daren't not say horribly wrong, because, since we are lying then perhaps we the script was to end as such. We, perhaps, are all just got too engrossed into our charaters that we forgot the lines and storyline. We drift helplessly with the play before the final scene cuts us short."


"But maybe perhaps, we imagine things. we make things so complicated that they were bound for disaster. Until we can finally have simple relationships, we really will continually botch each attempt at a good relationship. do we work that way? Do we necessarily have to burnt first before we dare taste again? I certainly hope not. "

some food for thought.

dark clouds.

tim says i gotta blow the dark clouds away in my mind. cos the dark clouds are heavy and occupying too much space in my mind for white swirling clouds.






just one question.
how do i get rid of the dark clouds in my head?

moving on?

had a short terse phonecall with him yesterday noon. gist of the call was that he wanted time to cool off. doesnt want to talk, sms or icq/msn while he cools off. fine. so be it. then what? one fine sunny day he comes back into my life saying 'hi lets be friends.' all over again. what do i do then? i dont know. how ironic.


have a tendency to go into extreme mood swings these few days. bursting into tears alone in my room. looking at the remmants left behind in my room. i cannot be left alone, lest i start thinking. always thinking too much. been trying to keep myself occupied. visiting xinxin venus and ramnik yesterday at ntu. crashing nus looking for yy and joycet on thursday. meeting kailyn for dinner on friday. but ultimately i need to deal with this alone. myself. but i need to talk things out. thrash things out. how. i feel so tired. sian.


i know it's time to move on. let time heal the wounds. but its hard to move on. when i cant propel myself forward. when i need somebody to pull me. where's that somebody?


i dont wanna go to school on monday. no close friends around me. i feel alone. neglected.
i dont wanna go to school on monday. i dont want to.

im cold. lonely. isolated. unwanted.
do be left just like that.
i wish this was only a nightmare.
but it isnt.

we broke up.

im hurt. tired. upset. tormented. lonely.


for those who still dont know. we broke up. now you know.
it came too suddenly. it ended all too abruptly.
please dont come up and ask if im okay. i am not.
what i need is care and concern. from a particular somebody but he doesnt seem to care. anymore.


put the blame on his parents.
which parents would not allow his or her children to date in university for fear of failing university?
which parent would place a monetary value on education and relationship?
which parent would claim that nobody can balance studies, relationship, and friendships together?


his parents do.
and he's choosing to give up just like that. nothing more.
an abrupt end to a sweet relationship for the past 4 months.
for the past 4 months, i felt loved by a certain someone.
to be dropped like hotcakes the minute his parents commanded him to do so.
is it worth all the sadness and all the tears i've been shedding, silently?
the suggestion of going back to the past, shot down by him immediately.
he doesnt want the pressure anymore apparently.
then why initiate it in the first place?


a simple sorry doesnt solve matters.
neither does it make me feel better.
all i know is that i dont want things to turn out this way.
but you forced it on me, leaving me with no choice.
how much does that reflect on you?


by the way, im writing this when i am in a calm mood. if i had written this two hours ago, be rest assured that everything wont sound so polite and nice. i feel shitified. and lonely. in despair. now i finally understand why people say it's always harder to be single after getting attached and breaking up. you see the couples walking by you, in intimate conversations, you would miss being in a similar situation. miss knowing that there would be him to comfort you when you're down. miss knowing that you wont be alone anywhere. miss knowing that there would be him who's willing to go to the end of the world just to make you happy. miss the sweet phonecalls and msges. miss everything about being attached. miss his lame jokes. miss the so much similarities we had in common: cheesecakes, books, movies, burger king. everything. i'll miss him.


i hate this shitified life of mine right now.

school.

school has started and im pretty satisfied with how my classes have went so far. after getting past tuesday, wed to friday is relatively slack. yeah. look at it, wed i have LTB and friday i have stats so yeah. PLUS thurs is a non school day so there you go. went for all lessons except for LTB le, which is tmr. cant wait. i know yicui, tiff and elaine are in my LTB class. whee. at least i walk into class knowing that i know at least some faces there. on monday morning, i was really quite apprehensive, cos it was my first class and i thought i dint know anybody there. then weizhong appeared! yay! wahaha. then saw yicui and minsheng too. suddenly realised that its a good idea to go for comn serve. at least you see more familar faces around. comn class was fun, with us crapping our on-the-spot speeches away and having fun at the same time. then slacked and bummed around during the 4 hour break and during this period of time i was never alone.. initially i was talking to shermaine and minsheng about boss and comn serve, then after that gary came over to join me, introducing some of his pals as well.. soon after joseph came along and yeah that was how i spent my 4 hours. oh weizhong went to AMK to gym [since he rides a bike he can do that..] and we went for econs class together, and at the same time he carried my heavy texts [who asked me to be stupid enough to buy all five texts in one day :( ] to class and later back to botanic. thanks dude :) gary was in our class too and at the end of the econs class the two of them were talking about a certain pretty girl who appeared in both our comn and econs class [and she was to appear in our stats class today too ;) ]. grin. formed a group with them and siying [a girl from vj who's from acct too] and choped one topic for econs project immediately. wahaha we're fast sia.


then today i knew i had stats with weizhong again, and more familar faces like alex who was from comn class too and suddenly yilinn appeared! she bidded and got into this stats class but i bet she must have regretted the choice cos the lecturer was damn boring and she sucked. big time. sounds cheena, reads from the notes. plus what she covered in class today was covered by jasmine ng in 10 minutes back in jc lecture last time. and i bet my sis [whos only sec three mind you] can understand half my notes too, considering it was talking about the various types of graphs. duh. any emaths student can distinguish between a histogram and a pie chart la. three of us [i.e. me weizhong yilinn] spent our time on msn [on my laptop] talking to shu-en who was still at home and half the time weizhong was going 'balls to you little sis' and shu-en was oei-ing her way through. wahaha. us NOT paying attention. so feeeel like skipping the stats class on fri cos it's my ONLY class!! yawn. dashed straight to financial accounting after stats [cos i only had a 15 minute break in between] and gary and jialong turned up soon after. gan tin hua is very very naggy. to such an extent that he couldnt finish his notes. awww. oops. but he's good. encourages interaction, question asking, and talking. alot of talking. but it was info overload. think i need to reread my text again. :( gary was asking me questions i dint know how to answer. except for the last question. 'what is minority interest?' HA. i managed to get that! [for you guys who dont know, it's contributions by shareholders in sudsidary companies who are not part of the major company. ] ooh and i managed to find somebody who has the exact same timetable as me!!!! elaine! it was sooo coincidental. cos we both realised we kept seeing each other in four classes already and she was wondering when my LTB was and so coincidentally it's tmr too! compared timetables and we have the exact same one! first time sia. wahaha. now i have company :) should be joining her and jialing and two other girls for FA project. since gary hasnt mentioned anything so far. hem. if i were to join him and jialong, im not surprised if i end up in a 4 guys 1 girl group. gulps. went for lunch with gary and jialong and yeah, talked abit more during lunch.. which was fun. :)

so that sums up my first two days.
so far so good.
tmr gonna meet my group for LTB. heard it's pre assigned so i wont get to choose. hum.
i hope life like this would maintain.
cos i like it the way it is.
whee.
going for og dinner tmr at dan ryans. no idea what the pricing is like. die. but i'll make sure i come home in time for my amazing race. yeah. wahahaha.

school starting.

school is starting tmr. a little apprenhensive. and excited. having comn studies and into econs tmr, two extreme times. the earliest class and the latest class. wahaha. so i end school at 645. but that's also my xiongest day. grin. i wonder how classes would be like. i wonder. bringing my lappie tmr cos i have almost 4 hours to bum tmr. oh wells. going online, msning. see what happens la. got book bazaar too. yeah. need to get 4 texts tmr. 2 for FA, 1 for stats, and 1 for econs. they're gonna burn a hole in my pockets. but im gonna sell them when i finish my modules so yeah. oh wells. boreedd. maybe i should go read my notes.


joseph, marvin, weizhong.. whoever is reading this.. i want my group photo!! wahaha. i want my retreat video and camp video too. wahaha.

convocation 2004

im surprised that i enjoyed myself today at convo more than pow wow. for some absurd reason or other. i wonder. but convocation 2004 was fun. damn good. i loved every minute of it. yeah. whee.


met 75g [my og name] for lunch and ten of us turned up, with gary backing out last min cos of an appointment and clint being 'where's clint?' grin. yeah. went to crystal jade kitchen and shared horfun with shu-en cos i wasnt that hungry. we looked like a bunch of waiters and waitresses going for lunch cos we were all in white tops and black bottoms. wahahaha. then the fun began when we were waiting at the convention centre when we started taking pictures. initially without our scarves cos they make us look like airstewardesses. can check out the pictures below la. yeaps. then we were wearing our scarves and required help cos it was tough putting it on ourselves. then some people shooed us up to the ballrooms and we went in, sat down and waited. and waited. and waited. then we had to get out again to line up and arrange ourselves before going in as 'student procession'. all these while when we were waiting, we were happily taking photos and talking away. twas fun then. went in, sat through numerous speeches which was all darn funny [even the lim swee say speech] and i knew somewhere at the back, him and my mum were seated in the crowd. :) the performance was damn good la. i was impressed. wahaha. left a little earlier cos he had to go off soon for family dinner. and he brought flowers for me *twirls around happily* wahaha. and took photos with alvan and joycez first since i had to run.. after packing him off in a cab, my mum and i walked around for a while before going home..

school is starting soon. i cant wait. whee. and i cant wait for OG dinner too. :)

us group of girls. all chiobus right? grin.  

me and gary :) 

marvin, me, weizhong and yilinn 

me and alvan [my faci] :) 

joyce and me :) 

me and him. :) and his roses. 

i'm back.

yeah im back. finally. wahaha. after two whole days of non-blogging, im back again.
camp was rather fun. as in, there were times when i felt i dint really enjoy myself, but there were also times whereby i felt as though i enjoyed myself entirely. maybe partially cos i dint quite clique with anybody in my group during the course of the 3D2N camp. i know it's tough making new friends, but sometimes, when you start talking, you kinda know more or less whether you click with the person. get what im saying? and there were like 4 scgs girls in my group, and 3 acjc girls. imagine the kind of topics they were talking about. as in, not the bitchy kinda topics, but they talk about school life, people they were familar with. somehow when they were talking about those stuff, i couldnt seem to get any words through and i gave up in the end. i felt much happier when i walked around upper quad [yea yahui, upper quad has soooo much memories now.. ] with yuan or huiling. remembered on thurs evening me and huiling were having our 'evening jog' around upper quad cos she was teasing me about my timetable and i gave chase. that was fun. and walking with yuan to the milo truck drinking cold milo.. that was nice too. yeah. but somehow i guess my group members are nice even though we dont quite click. having my stats class with dawn [tan], weizhong, and shu-en.. my faci was damn nice too. he's alvan [dont ask me why his name is spelt this way, i have no idea too]. he was like a walking super market, giving us tidbits everytime.. especially his fruit tips and mentos. and he videotaped our group instead of just merely taking photos. he looked as though he was having fun with his video cammie.. wahaha. it's the dvd one, so it's like damn ex la. and he was nice enough to lend me his battery and charger when i ran out on bat. cos we were using the same nokia 3100 phone mah. grin. the girls are generally easy to talk to, and rather sweet. especially yilinn. she's like damn nice la.. the guys are alright.. with weizhong the hyper one, macho marvellous chunky monkey marvin, gary, joseph and clint. could see weizhong and shu-en hit off right from the start [dont get me wrong, i mean as friends. both are attached.] and somehow i just have a different frequency from marvin even though he was from hwachong canoe so i dont talk to him much.. gary was often not around and i found myself talking to joseph quite abit, as compared to the rest of the guys. somehow it just felt more comfortable. yea. as for clint, we have a standing joke for him 'where's clint?' cos he was always missing and the asking of the question became a standing joke for the rest of the camp. he's a scholar from phillipines btw and he's only bloody sixteen. my goodness. the age range for my group is like damn huge la.. 16-25. acks. wahaha. no wonder joseph kapt commenting there's an age gap but i think he was just kidding.

as for the camp itself, let me do my comments by sections instead of days yeah. grin.

food:
buffet style, relatively alright. but i discovered one thing about my group. they would only help themselves. look at it this way. i came from an environment where everybody helped everybody. especially hwachong, when we helped each other get drinks, food when the queues are like damn bloody long, but here, i did everything myself. they did it themselves too, plonked down and started eating. if i had the choice, i'd rather be helping people get their drinks, and in return, others do similar things and wait for each other to start eating before plunging into the pile of food. doesnt it seem kinda rude? i dont know. oh wells. i've grown immune to it anyway.

toilets:
heard about me complaining bathing in mobile showers right? yea that was exactly what we did. and they were located so bloody far from our sleeping quarters, by the time we reached our sleeping quarters after we finished showering, it doesnt seem to make any difference if we chose not to bathe.

sleeping quarters:
we slept in a seminar room with our buddy group, 76. airconditioned, carpeted floor and there was mostly enough space for us to sleep. and surprisingly for once, i dint stay awake for any night. couldnt be bothered since nobody wanted to stay up late.

[by the way, our group name is 75g. not 75 grams but 7 girls 5 guys. exactly. cool sia?]

telematch:
the funnest thing. grin. it kinda broke the ice for our group members and we had fun during the telematches, trying to do our best to earn as much points as possible for bidding later. the most memorable one was definitely the paint-the-oversized-shirt one. cos we had to use our nose tip to paint, and marvin and weizhong [who were wearing the oversized shirt] were commenting they never had girls so up close with faces so near to their bodies when in actual fact we were painting pictures with paint on our nosetips. yeacks. but basically the games were rather clean. alot cleaner than rgs and hwachong orientation. really. and alot 'cleaner' than the NUS and NTU camps. nothing like making girls sitting on guys' laps and making guys do pushups above girls. you get what i mean.

bidding:
this must be the greatest joke of camp. we only got a yellow spray paint, 5 rolls of twine [which 3 came free] and one uhu glue stick after the first day of bidding. like what the hell can we build with that? i know, we had 3 humongous pieces of cardboard and 3 bamboo poles but still. slacked the first day. second day we had 700 odd points [and we heard we were one of the richest groups around] and we threw in 300odd points for a box of markers they gave us only one in the end. like what the fuck? 300odd points for ONE marker? great. but we managed to come up with something great and im damn pleased with myself. wahaha.

murder hunt:
damn shacked by this event. and i am freaking black now [yes like bitumen i know] due to this. walked the whole of botanic gardens in search of clues and people to put bits and pieces together and to solve the mystery. but it was fun i must admit.

float:
we did a float that resembled a popcorn box, with popcorn and a monkey popping out right in the midst of the popcorn. damn cute la. and the monkey could be rotated by someone hidden in the box [and DK took over the role of rotating the monkey inside] and weizhong did a damn nice fisherman's net to prop up our newspaper-balls popcorn. wahaha. and we finished it in a short span of time. such that we still had time to sleep on the second day. maybe cos night walk was cancelled. dimmit. it was cancelled cos the aircon died on the facis in the house and soon it affected the entire campus so we were made to sleep w/o aircon for a while..

think enough of description le. im tired myself. wanna go sleep before meeting og for lunch tmr. goodness knows where they wanna eat. and we've already lined up og dinner on wed night at dan ryans. goodness knows where, provided i've spelt the restaurant/pub correctly. it's supposed to be somewhere near tanglin. i'll go figure.

ooh and yea, i love our float cheer. damn funny. the three guys (aka. LN, joseph and jeremy) came up with it using variations of their army cheers. goes something like this [provided i dint quite forget them already..]

they say at POW WOW camp
the char bo very nice
we ask for cindy crawford
they all kanasai

they say at POW WOW camo
the dar bor very shuai
we ask for zhou jie lun
they all look like baboons

they say at POW WOW camp
the bidding very fair
we asked for 12 markers
but we ended getting one.
[$300 kor ah]

i dont wanna listen to sam sikes
i just wanna lead a simple life
yi wei i wanna go
alvan dont let me go
mama i wanna go home

[yi wei and alvan are facis for group 76 and 75 respectively. and yi wei was from rgs bowling! no wonder she looked familar. she's damn nice too. :) ]

hurried one.

this is gonna be a damn hurried post cos i wanna go play my twin heroes. wahaha. im addicted to the game and i wanna play as much tonight before i go for Pow Wow camp. whee. erm. not that im looking forward to the dirty games after hearing that we're gonna bathe in mobile toilets. like what the hell but anyway, yeah.



had vivace today. as usual, it was a hurry-up-finish-grab-bag and zao thing. had my senior to help me garner my stamps so i finished in less than an hour. oops hee. well, joycez and yuan, you guys could have gotten wendy or jiaming to help you. wendy helped me. wahahaha. and i owe her a drink. hee. got damn lotsa stuff in our orientation bag. items are as follows:
sleeping bag
water bottle
bottled drink
thermal mug
smu towel
smu notebook
mint sweets in a damn cool metalic case
one big package of shampoo conditioner and shower gel plus cleanser sponsored by ginvera green tea
and some other small stuff in the nicks of the bag.
you get the idea.
yeah.



quite weirdly my og mates dont seem to be my classmates. i mean we have totally different timetables. er okay. i thought they would be my timetable mates aka classmates for the next one year. oh wells.
oh and he crashed vivace today. hee. in the process skipping the first aid talk but hey wenhui is there to save his ass. thanks dude. grin. and we met some of the cip people as we were heading towards the busstop near serene and all of us were going to holland v. ooh so coincidental. wahaha.
and yeah. swensens is having this topless-5 scoops of icecream deal going for $1.39.
it's damn good and cheap la. damn good. wahaha.
try the combi of blueberry, strawberry, sticky chewy choc, cookies and cream, and choc peanut buttercups.
the combi is fantabulous. wahahaha.
im quite on a high now if you can see. grin.



kk see ya people 3 days later.. i.e. saturday morning i suppose. or maybe evening cos i have convo that day. but if im damn shacked, maybe sunday then. wahahaha.

national day.

frankly speaking, i dont feel anything for national day. somehow i just feel as though it's another holiday. in fact, i feel as though it's just another day, cos i've been living through so many days full of holidays. yawn.

my neck ache.
my arms ache.
my thighs ache.
my butt ache.
i feel as though i twisted my neck.
i feel as though im dragging my body around like a dead corpse.
i cannot even drag myself out of bed.
whine.
my body aches like shit.
dammit.
how am i gonna play games tmr at vivace?
shit.

in any case, tmr's a get-it-over-and-done-it day.
meaning. get-the-stamps-and-zao-after-claiming-the-goodie-bag-cos-its-too-much-to-resist.
argh sheesh.
whine. im tired.

a rather dark picture, but right in the morning with nice light. and tents.  

me on blades. trying to act smart. wahaha.  

aww.. shy dog. but he's hugee.. 

weiping, my sis and me! in that order.  

my aunt and my dad on the floor, third uncle with his wife on one side of the table, weilun on the other ;) 

east coast park

blogging at my lappie now. too lazy to go online to blog and half he time im online i cant seem to blog much cos there are always people to talk to, so im gonna save mine in my thumb drive then transfer it over to my PC. wahaha. damn shacked now sia. cos i went east coast park in the morning and returned late afternoon.. yeaps. it was kinda a last minute decision amongst my father's side cos they were only debating whether to go east coast or west coast. west coast would be tons more convenient as compared to east coast considering we all stay in the west but somehow they decided on east coast cos we could rent bikes and blades there mah.


so i was shook awake early in the morning at almost seven, cos they wanted to go there and get a spot or table to settle down. yeah. and i had to go online to find out the exact directions on how to get there by car cos my father's car rarely roam into the east considering we dont have relatives staying in the east. yeaps. managed to find our way there considering they said meet at the macs. yeah. only my third uncle's family and my auntie came along together with our family but we had a greatt time. whee. initially we merely settled down and considering only four adults [i.e. my dad, my mum, my third uncle and my auntie] knew how to cycle, we only rented one double bike and one single bike in order to save money and take turns riding. my mum fetched me first cos i still dont know how to bike. i stepped on hesistantly cos i dint have an inkling of how good my mum's cycling skills were so yeah. hee. had a fun ride and when we were on our way back, he called and as we were talking on the phone my mum braked suddenly causing us to fall forward and my phone literally flew out of my hand onto the floor. the back cover, battery and main phone were scattered all over. hem. i hurriedly put the pieces back together [of course with my mum's help] and resumed talking on the phone. scraped my knees a little but im alright. wahaha. then went off to talk on the phone by the seaside before being called over for 'guard duty' [i.e. guard the table of food and valuables] while the rest went to play. weilun [my cousin] rented blades and he was blading for the first time and he had trouble walking and my mum was there laughing away while holding on to him making sure he doesnt lose his balance. yeah. hee. at that point in time my sis and my other cousin [weiping] was there learning how to ride bicycles. hee. i dont know how to ride bicycles too. wahaha. then while my sis was stubbornly trying to learn, this uncle rode over and tried to teach my sis how to ride the bicycle. he came over three times. must have thought my sis required critical help, or saw her as a disgrace or eyesore to the cyclists. grin. so after that you could see four idiots trying to learn how to ride bicycles w/o falling over [yes i admit i was one of the four idiots. "D]. after that i got abit xian cos we were actually taking turns learning over four bicycles so i actually suggested to my mum i wanted to try blading. she gave me this very dubious look while my dad tried to talk me out of it. hee. as usual, me and my stubborn self. so my mum gave in and she came with me to rent the blades. one guy helped me get the correct size and tightened the blades for me before helping me over to the rink. bad news. i dint have any idea how to start blading so there i was clinging onto the side metal bar for help and 'duck-walking' at the same time [i.e. walk with knees bended, butt out, and feet in a v-shaped position]. i duck walked around [while clinging onto the metal bar] for a while before this nice lady came over and tried to teach me tricks for a beginner. she was real nice. she talked me through the procedures and im proud to say that after the one hour rental, i can blade slowly without holding on to the metal bar and i can stop [of course, i was within 30cm region of the metal bar just in case i need to grab it.] and duh, yes i fell three times. ouch. three times and i landed on my butt three times. the second time when i was trying to get up using the metal bar to pull me up, i slipped and hit the bar with my chin. oww. painful. sniff. but it was fun blading. in the rink. i cant imagine blading together with other people along the cyclists path. i think i'll be grabbing onto my mum's hand for dear life. wahaha. then me my sis and weiping went down to the beach to play with the seawater. my sis and weiping ganged up on me and got me wet. whine. and i was wearing white [but of coursem with SB under]. duh. then we slacked around abit more before leaving at about 2pm.. damn tired la so fell asleep in the car. initially my parents wanted to go see the fireworks at the merlion park area, but after seeing how tired we were and considering the crowds there tonight [cos there would be concerts there with people like energy, 5566, cyndi wang etc] and the next day is a holiday, they decided not to. instead, we'll all stay at home and catch the last espisode of the channel 8 7pm chinese serial 'xi ling men'. grin. my mum's current favourite show. and it ends tonight.


tired.time now is almost 4pm.will go read newspapers, instal comp game on my lappie, read my book.then of course fall asleep until dinner time.


whine. i still need to go for CIP meeting tmr. not fair. whineee. while they bowl at fishball's place. whine whine whine.

orientation group.

whee. finally saw my orientation group today. whee. they seem pretty much nice people, but not all were there.. yeah. and i have one familar face in there.. shupin!! wahaha. we're in the same CIP, talk to each other quite abit yet we dint know we were in the same group! wahhaha. but we were glad to see each other there cos we thought it felt kinda awkward initially and there's at least one familar face there. especially when alvan [yes that was how he spelt his name, my facil.] was late. shupin called him while he was parking his car. oops.

shupin [acjc, info sys]: duh. i know the girl and she's damn nice la. we click, so yeah, we'll be classmates for the next one year. whee. grin.
dawn [vj?, social sci]: dint get to talk to her much cos she was sitting on the other side so yeah. but she seemed nice. "D ]
shu-en [rj, biz and social sci]: same as above. but i find her vaguely familar. wonder if she was from rg. hum.
eileen [srjc, econs]: very nice girl. we made our exit together shortly after shupin zao-ed to meet her friend and seem to click quite well..
tiffany [acjc, biz]: erm. chio, but a little quiet? as in, yeah. not extremely sociable. seems the type who doesnt like dirt and water cos she told alven she's going on a 'holiday' during PW camp next week. hem. right, "holiday".
gary [cjc, accountancy]: the only other person going acct in my group. nice guy, easily to talk to, quite cute too. haha. two of us and alvan were talking about retreat for quite a long time, considering alvan [acct yr2] organised it and i wanted to find out what happened to the papayas in the end [remember, captain papaya and it rained?]
weizhong [ajc, biz]: he came late so i dint quite talk to him, but he rides the bike. cool sia.
joseph aka laisoon [poly, info sys]: at the age of 25 [he went poly, then NS, then smu] he's the oldest, even older than alven, hence yeah. seems like a nice guy to chat with but he looks a little haggard. like an uncle. erm yeah.

and two others dint come along today. one guy and a girl i think. yeah. so far my group seems not too bad, just that alven doesnt speak much, hence we await his instructions and converstion topics and we stoned alot honestly. the group 76 facil [a damn chio girl whom i forgot her name, and whom i initially thought was alvan's girlfriend. oops. ] was giggling at the fact that we were stoning at each other but alvan dint know how to 'melt' the ice. kathy was there too, to kaypo. recognised kathy and alven from retreat so it made creating conversation slightly easier. yeaps. and i was asked what rotaract was since i declared to the group that i might [or is it will] be joining rotaract. yeah. not bad la, the meeting. and it lasted more than an hour, amazingly. dint order anything from TCC considering the fact that i wasnt hungry, plus the stuff there are a little pricey, but they sure look good. yummy. wahaha.

met him at holland v for lunch and icecream. nice meeting today, although it was short. yeah and saw his best friend terence. in a rather unglam way considering i was sitting on the floor engrossed in my book listening to music sitting crosslegged and then i see somebody right in front of me trying to get my attention. oh wells.

the village

my mum closed my blogger window and switched off the comp when i was on the phone just now. [admittedly i was on the phone for a rather long time, hence her decision to switch off her comp. dots.] oh wells.



wasnt feeling extremely happy just now cos i was conveniently stood up for tmr for some small but significant event in my opinion. i mean, the plans were nicely fitted out and yeah, if i hadnt msged to confirm, i wont even have known that the event had been cancelled. how wonderful. then i would have made a wasted trip down to nus. somehow i seem rather insignificant now. oh wells. the problems with growing up and moving to different schools. everybody has been moving along and i havent. hopefully all that will change when i meet my OG tmr. finally. 4pm @ millenia walk tcc [i had ask him twice before it finally hit me that he was refering to tcc. yeah. i hope not something else cos that was what i vaguely heard. my facil is a guy. again. not that i have a thing against guy facils, but somehow i think female facils work more efficiently, as of what i saw during retreat? yeah. ]. i hope i have nice og mates *prays hard* heard that they would be my classmates for the next one year. ahhh. and i havent found a single soul who's in group 75. freaking hell, there's like soo many orientation groups such that nobody seems to be able to find someone in the same group before they meet. except i think when faye mentioned her finding one person, but that's only one i've heard of so far. acks.


anyway. go watch the village!!! i give 10 stars for the movie. the acting was perfect. the storyline was amazing. but before i launch into the story [yes im going to be a spoiler but only at the end of the entry so i'll inform when i decide to blab so that people who dont wish to know the story can just close the window], lemme wish my daddy a happy birthday. speaking of which, also wilber pan's and wenhui's birthdays so.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! yeaps. very easy to remember. lalala. and wenhui happily ponned everything cos he's currently at tioman with his girlfriend's family and her. wahaha. speaking of which, he's in the same og as him. yeah. soo coincidental. only realised that on monday when he woke me up with his msg. blearh. i think it was monday. and i did mention that lenith is there too right? speak of a small world. yeah. went to plaza sing to catch early movie today and saw zhenni with her bf [i presume.] at burger king doing work [as usual, mugging for prelims.] she's still as nice as ever.. yeah. caught the movie with a full house and there were idiots screaming at the non scary parts. it sounded almost as though it was a competition to see who could scream more during the movie. i soo wanted to wrangle their necks off but never mind. yeah. and i should never step into kino [or borders. or times.] cos i would be obliged to bring books out with me when i step out of the shop knowing fully that i cant pay for the tens of books in my hands and i cant borrow them as well simply because they are bookshops and not libraries. darn. dammit. wahaha. then bought durian rolls from angie d choice [which was damn bloody good according to my dad] for my daddy's birthday celebrations.. and yeah, spent the night at home watching tv, online and on the phone. my usual nightly activities. wahaha.






for people who dont wanna read the storyline of the village, please close the window now. for those who have watched but dint quite understand, or those who want to know the plot before watching the movie, read on.






basically the village is known to be a horror story. like all M.night movies. rememeber signs? yeah i known that wasnt much of a horror show [with the aliens dying from attack under water] but yeah. something along the lines. so in the trailer they mentioned something of a monster that lives across the borders of the village in the woods. well, look out for a red hooded porcupine that looks vaguely like the new year creature 'nian'. yeah. quite a funny looking creature which had a back of a porcupine, and without screaming adolescents maybe you might find the outlook of the creature funny. that thing is fake. made up by the elders [the main committee of the village] in the village. they dont want people to step out into the town across the woods [first of all, there aint any town in the first place.] for they have lost loves ones in the town due to money. hence, the main man, mr walker, set up a utopia like place [which was the village] with the rest of the elders and had a security system guarding the place, to prevent any intruders of sorts and that particular utopia had money eliminated from it. they thought that by doing this, they would be able to keep their loved ones safe and sound and nobody would be hurt and yeah, peace and harmony would reign. it did work for a while. whenever people attempted to cross into the borders, one of the elders would put on the creature costume and pretend to be attracted to the colour red and 'haunt' the houses so to speak. so though the villagers were living peacefully, they lived in fear, fear of the thing they do not speak of. they refer to the creature that way, like how people refer to lord voldermort in harry potter. all went well until wedding bells started ringing. hence we have our main male and female characters. lucius, who's a soft spoken person who doesnt speak unless he's required to and ivy, a blind but independent and sweet girl. in between we have noel who obviously has a crush on ivy for a long time but he's a hyperactive adult and acts weirdly sometimes. fast forward the romantic things [which wasnt that romantic actually] and lucius and ivy announce their wedding plans. as usual, noel acts as the jealous one and stabs lucius not once but twice. this part is actually quite morbid and bloody but fun to watch. yeaps. hence lucius was hanging on to his life by a thread. here, ivy requests to go across the woods into the town to get medical supplies from mr walker, her father, and before she left, mr walked told her about the creature being fake. but only she knew and i suspect that she dint quite believe her father. apparently at that point in time noel was being kept in the safe house and he found the creature costume under the planks and he escaped and 'haunted' ivy in the woods, making her think that such a creature really existed. but a twist appears and ivy killed noel incidentally by using an old trap in the woods which she fell in but climbed out before. and noel died. when ivy reached the other side and thought she reached the towns [she cant see hence she doesnt know] she bumps into a young quite cute security guard who was making his rounds and he agreed to bring her the medicine which could be stolen from the first aid cabinet at the guard station so that was what he did. and then she brought the medicine back and the movie ended there. the last part when she spoke with the guard and got her medicine may seem small and insignificant, but thats the part which conveys to you most of the story. at least that was what happened to him. he only understood the story when he saw the guard with the vehicle named walker security [or something like that i cant quite remember..]. i picked up hints here and there and more or less got the storyline but the final twist was damn good. how on earth did mr walker manage to set up a utopia like village without govt intevention? backtrack into history. mr walker's father was a billionaire. he was killed, shot to death because of money problems. hence mr walker inherited the money. he invested the money into this patch of woods, created a utopia like village and led the outside people to think that this was a conservation area that nobody was to disturb. and there were no animals in the woods cordoned off. and he managed to bribe the govt not to have airplanes fly over the area for fear of being found out. cool right? yeah. the whole story is full of twists and turns that you need to think and talk about it before you get the entire picture.

this movie, has got to be my favourite movie. it's in a different league of its own. in fact, it feels like a classic. maybe because of the amazing storyline. yeah. go watch it if you can, it's worth a $8.50 ticket. definitely.

phonecalls.

you know something. after talking to tim on the phone yesterday, i do miss the late night long phone calls i once had with him when i was in J2. just miss the times when i could talk freely, nonsensically, rambling on even when both of us felt like sleeping, yet still 'uh-ing' our way through and convincing each other that we were still awake. and of course, the many times when i tried to pry things out of his mouth at his 1130pm timing, while i give away information too freely when i was sleepy. havent had such a nice long phone call ever since le. oh sigh. and i sure hope his officers dint whack him hard when he was caught on the balcony on the phone with me at erm 1215am [or rather, this morning.]. enough whacking le la, officers, give the new officers a break. stop torturing them [although its supposed to be some initiation thingy which he did try to explain.]
know he's feeling kinda lonely now. being stuck in ocs and now jurong camp after commissioning. being closed up from civillisation. i felt something like that a while ago when i was working, but his is definitely a worse case. he just had his birthday on 030804 (hey look, i dint forget hor. and i did msg you. so there.) and this dedication came a little late on my blog. [wonder if he would ever read this though i know he reads my blog sporadically.] dude, you'll always be a special friend of mine, and i will be here for you. promise. yeah so call me and msg me whenever you can. i'll be there for you, promise. *waves*
and knowing me, a promise is always a promise. my fierceful loyalty is for all to see. at least tan lixin can acclaim to that right? grin. she knows. and girl, it was really nice hearing your voice just now over the phone. glad to be of help [whatever help i gave you] to you, and as usual, my mum thought your voice sounded like a guy. again i know. hee. remember the time you called me hoping to catch me before i left house to remind me to bring my brella cos it was pouring at hwachong? grin.

ooh i miss the phonecall days and jc days. why am i feeling this way now? i miss everything. my student life, my school, my friends, my cca. ooh sigh. my goodness. oh wells.

[koped this test from yahui's blog. grin.]

try this.

Wackiness: 48/100
Rationality: 32/100
Constructiveness: 54/100

Leadership: 70/100

You are an SECL--Sober Emotional Constructive Leader. This makes you a politician. You cut deals, you change minds, you make things happen. You would prefer to be liked than respected, but generally people react to you with both. You are very sensitive to criticism, since your entire business is making people happy.At times your commitment to the happiness of other people can cut into the happiness of you and your loved ones. This is very demanding on those close to you, who may feel neglected. Slowly, you will learn to set your own agenda--including time to yourself. You are gregarious, friendly, charming and charismatic. You like animals, sports, and beautiful cars. You wear understated gold jewelry and have secret bad habits, like chewing your fingers and fidgeting.You are very difficult to dislike.

dammit. this is damn accurate la. right down to the exact point. just one thing to note, i dont wear understated gold jewellery. but yes i bite my nails [aka chewing my fingers however they call it]. but moi, a politician? erm okay. does that mean accountant in making?

today.

currently sitting at lan shop blogging [erm. lan shop. blogging?] yeah i know. done playing with games le and he's playing counterstrike now so here am i, blogging after checking both the yahoo and smu email accounts and yeaps. played gunbound just now and got thrashed [again. as usual i know.] and yeaps. had fun playing with him with me whining away and him constantly telling me 'less force..' 'more force..' and 'hey you aint supposed to kill yourself' [that was when my fingers slipped and released spacebar too early. hum. he's reading as i blog now. fine. *sticks tongue out at him* anyway he taught me how to play command and conquer just now. seemed pretty fun and i had fun building stuff until his comp restarted on him and i was declared victorious. oh wonderful. i won even before the war started and we started fighting. yay. how funny. wahaha. went to school in the morning for acc briefing and honestly i thought it was a tad boring cos everything they told us could be found and understood online seriously. yeah. maybe i shouldnt have explored oasis with so much detail to such an extent that i found everything repetitive. and me and yuan collected our ezlinks and realised that our photos still looked as awful. acks. yeah. then went to the lib to slack and read books after that. all in all, just chilling out and playing around with the comp most of the time. and spending time with my books. whee. wahaha. i know im maddd.

hmm. a little tired, but there's the amazing race at 10 later. will prolly sleep at 11plus. and still gotta wake up early tmr for the academic briefing. meeting yuan at 840 at the busstop. wonder how long they will take for the briefing. hum.

went out today with him again i know. hee. ate lunch at vienna buffet restaurant at united square, and the food was two thumbs up. really wonderful, with the cheesecakes and all. wahaha. damn bloated sia. then went to ezone at united for the daytona. but the daytona there was daytona 2, hence was initially not used to the circuit and the cars. i won, but i knew it was because he let me win. whine. fine. i so wanted to win fair and square, but i suppose guys are usually better at these stuff [but hey i think im good enough for a girl le. in fact i might be better than some guys, just not him.]. oh wells. bummed around united sq for a while popping in and out of shops, before we finally shifted ourselves to scotts cos he wanted to look for his og mates. saw ruxin and huilin first, then he found nat and some guy outside lucky plaza. and we turned around and headed towards wheelock cos i wanted to buy a crumpler bag to carry my lappie. crumpler bags are ex, but nicee. hee. yeah i bought one, the exact same design and size since our lappies were of similar size but different make [mine is a IBM thinkpad while his is a fujitsu], hence it's a silver navy coloured haversack that costs $179. i know, its pricey but it's the only laptop bag i dare to carry to school since the rest look like black old dreary ones that i will avoid at all costs. yeah. and amazingly i met 3 familar faces within the short span of 15 minutes the time i was at wheelock. gail and dewen walked into crumpler to talk to me since they spotted me, and i think dewen is blacker le. hee. and he took leave just to accompany gail on her shopping spree. hem. do i smell something fishy? grin. remember gail and her 'mehmeh' joke with jinyang, right? grin. then when we were walking towards the imac place, i saw elvin and his girlfriend of 1 week old! ahhh. i mean, the relationship is only one week old, as of what he told me. finally, im the second person to spot them together. they're fast sia. barely one month only i think, after their hall camp but still. justin spotted them first on campus and now i meet them at wheelock. wah coincidental sia. but he guessed as much for the both of us la. so we're considered equals. [ignore me, im rambling yes i am.]. wahaha. msged him after that to kajiao him for more info, [typical kaypo me yes i know]. hee. yeah. was quite tired after that so fell asleep on the train home. but had a nice time today. as usual of course.

read somewhere about some stuff. made me feel guilty about making him go out with me as often as possible. wonder if whatever he's doing aint leaving a good impression on some people. i wonder. i ponder. and i feel a teeny weeny li' guilty. hum.

happy. :)

happy girl cos i had a nice time out with him today.
happy cos we're going out again tmr. (for consecutively the third time in three days)
happy that we spent time in a simple yet nice way.
happy that we got to watch brotherhood together.
happy that he brought me to see the quaint quiet little spot right admist the bustling roads of orchard.
[in any case i was refering to the emerald hill/cairnhilla area right behind the old OG and to the left of centrepoint]
happy that we ate to our delights today.
happy that we headed to borders to look for books today.
happy for such a wonderful day.
happy for everything he did, to keep me company.

thank you darling. thanks alot.



just a short li' entry dedicated to him. and it kinda basically summarised what we did today.
brotherhood was really good. nice simply war plot [of course it being very bloody]. but twas touching at the very end. nice li' twist at the end, and yeah i enjoyed the show alot. with aplenty eye candy, who wouldnt? yuen bin is damn cute la. but i'd rather have the guy next to me in the theatre any day. grin. watched him play lan for awhile before watching the show and got a little dizzy from the fast movements in counterstrike. acks. wanted to play daytona, but my skirt dint allow me. yeah. haha. today was NUS flag day i know. who wont notice the numerous red shirts walking around town area? but thankfully due to his presence, i presume every NUS student assumed i already donated to him and hence nobody approached me. grin. im amused. oh wells. but a fruitful day spent today. walked quite abit. and popped into sakae at heerens for a light snack too. yeah. two greedy pigs wandering around town looking for food. cant blame me if i felt like eating right? cant wait for the village to come out in theatres. and why does every guy want to watch alien vs predator? he wants to watch it, so does mok. hm. okay. sci fi i suppose, the typical guy movie. wahaha.

ahh so shuai.

eh hee. of course i only go googoo gaagaa over one person on this entire planet. wilber pan. ahhh. just saw his coke advert on tv and he's like oh-my-goodness-damn-bloody-cute. fine. im fa-hua-chiing again. just like joycez. lalala. grin. i aint saying anything, just read her blog. wahaha. im soo amused. but he is just damn shuai. ahhh. anyway.

just came home from final theory test at queenstown test centre and somehow i have a better feeling for this test as compared to my basic theory. weird huh. anyway. hopefully i'll pass this and be on my way to getting my driving license soon. yeaps.

went out for a while with him today in the afternoon and before that i met xiaobin along the way. was talking to her cos they dint have school today due to homecoming on saturday. which was fun. yeps. and the tee was nice [since it was bright orange in colour. hee.] dint do much cept for shopping and walking around. it was a nice feeling, just walking around, looking and seeing on the way. just simple and nice. yeah. spent some time at the library after that and borrowed two books, plus he lent me a new book of his. whee. now i have 6 books at home waiting for me to read them. cant wait. simply cant wait. now that final is over, i can start reading my books again. lalala. wonderful.